Wow! It has really been two months since I have tended to my poor blog. I feel extremely bad about that. I have no excuse other than to say that the two months flew by and I really just did my best to drop out for a second but now I'm back! So since the last post not much has happened actually. I went home for Thanksgiving last month which was nice and I saw my family and a really good friend of mine. I got to hide away at home in my room and just relax and do things I don't get to do on a normal basis which was a nice change. And then in the time since Thanksgiving, I've just gotten really excited about going back for Christmas. In the last week I accomplished a goal of mine which was to actually drive in New York. Granted I was driving on the freeway part of the time to get to the airport but I still drove in New York nonetheless which was really great. I always wondered if I would be able to handle New York traffic and I did. Not to say that I was not scared to death at times that I was going to crash into someone or that they would crash into me but everything worked out for the best. I really enjoyed the drive through Brooklyn that I had to do in order to get to JFK. I am continuously amazed by New York. It astounds me all the time all of the people who live in the city, all the ethnicities that are mingled together, and the fact that people are living in such close proximity to one another. But I love it and I want to be a part of it.
Over the last two months I have been thinking a lot about this year. When 2010 started I was more than hopeful nay I say sure that this would be the year that things would turn around and get better. I put all of my energy into networking, cold calls, emails, cover letters, and resume blasts. And although I was able to get a part time temporary position with a project I really expected more. My enthusiasm from the beginning of the year lasted until about June when I felt like a complete and utter failure and that all hope was lost. But then I sucked it up and decided to get back in the game. Time after time I sent out resumes and applied for jobs I didn't want in hopes of just being able to have something to do and money in my pocket. The things I really wanted that I had applied for never called or emailed or even gave me an indication that they got my resume. Again hope was waning. But then I decided that I was not going to let these things get me down and I was not going to let them keep me from enjoying my life. It has been a challenge and a struggle but I am trying not to let circumstances get the better of me. I know that there are hundreds of thousands of people in my same position. And I know that eventually things will work out. How? I have not a clue but I believe that they will work out and that all of the struggle and strain has not been for nothing. I am looking forward to the next 16 days of the rest of 2010. After this week most of them will be spent in North Carolina with my family. And I am looking forward to putting this year behind me knowing that I tried my best for the most part and that there were times where I failed and I could have done a better job but that I have to move forward to what's next. Wondering what's next sometimes keeps me up at night. I wonder whether or not the next day will be the day when things change or if next year this time I'll have accomplished some things that I have hoped for for a long time. But I am trying to not do that so much. Everything that needs to happen will happen at it's appointed time and my sleep deprivation will not improve on the situation. But I am excited to see where it goes from here.2010 wasn't what I planned it to be but I think that in the end with everything all said and done it was the way it needed to be. It was a faith building year because I could see nothing in front of me but I had to keep going. There was no way for me to stop the days from coming or the months from passing by although there were times when I would have loved to do that. But as I was talking to my uncle about it a little bit at Thanksgiving I realized that other people expected 2010 to be different for them too and there plans didn't work as they hoped either. At least there is some comfort in numbers.But I am thoroughly ready to leave 2010 behind. Last week my pastor spoke about not living a life of regrets. Life is really too short to waste any moments living in regret. We all have regrets but the important thing is to accept them and move on. There are things I regret about 2010 and other past years too but I can't change it. All I can do is accept it and where I can learn from it I do and I am careful to avoid mistakes and patterns that led to those regrets. That's really all that I can do. But I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I feel as though right now in the book of my life I am stuck between the pages and am waiting to see how the next chapter starts. But I know that I will know when I supposed to know and until then I just have to wait. That's all I can do at this moment.
