The End or The Beginning

Well there are only two days left in 2011 and only 7 days left of my twenties. It's always bittersweet to move on from somewhere you have been comfortable with for a while. I have been comfortable for most of my twenties and with the exception of the last few years enjoyed them very much. But I think more than anything it was a time of learning. I was still becoming who I am meant to be, learning about my limitations as well as my abilities. So the decade that has been my twenties is over essentially and I am moving on to the next decade: the 30s! Yikes! It's even weird to say or type that 3-0. But I truly believe that it is going to be a great time in my life. I believe that part of the last few years has been preparation exactly for this moment. I think I posted recently about how I looked up the Biblical meaning of 30 and it said "the right moment" or a time of "dedication". I really believe that 30 will be that right moment for me. I believe that I will start seeing things come together that I have not been able to over the past few years and I believe that when they do come together that they will be better than what I can even imagine. It's been hard to imagine good coming out of any of the circumstances that I have been through but I really do believe that things are going to turn around and things that I have been through will be knowledge or strength that I can draw on for the future. I greatly desire to know what God's plan is for my life. I believe that there is a task, assignment, or goal that He has given each of us to fulfill while we are here on earth. Sometimes we miss it because we're looking for something bigger or more important than what He may have assigned us. But I can truly say that at this moment I have no idea at all what it is that I am supposed to do. I know what I would like to do and what I would have liked to have been doing the last 4 years but that hasn't happened. So I really am hoping that in 2012 that I find out what exactly I am here for. I also want to leave Charlotte. If you've read my previous blogs then you know how much I do not want to be here. But even with that there may be something here for me to do that I just haven't been made aware of yet. I guess I wouldn't mind being here if I had a purpose here. Earlier this year my pastor in New Jersey, Pastor Jason, was saying that until you know what your purpose is your life seems difficult to get inspired or excited about because you don't know what you're here for. I feel like that constantly. I love my little children at tutoring but I know that tutoring is not what I am here on earth for. But Pastor Jason spoke about how it was hard for him to face each day before he knew what his purpose was. I drew encouragement from that because to me it said that at one point in his life he didn't know what his purpose was but eventually the Lord revealed it to him. So I am hoping that in 2012 that the Lord will reveal to me what His purpose is for me and hopefully it isn't in Charlotte! But even if it is I know I'll be okay.

Leaving 2011 is a little difficult as well. I had very high hopes at the beginning of this year. I went to my New Jersey church's three day revival and I fasted and prayed and I believed that things were going to get better and change. And I guess they did but not in the way that I wanted them to. I was hoping that I would get a full time job in New York, save up for a couple of months and then move. Then I had to come to North Carolina and help my mom in March. March came and went and I ended up being here through the summer which I wanted because I wanted to be here when my cousin had her baby, I wanted to go to my family reunion, and I wanted to go to my aunt's 50th birthday. So I was content to stay through the summer to be able to do those things. And honestly the accommodations in Charlotte are much better than New Jersey, I have my own bed, bedroom, and bathroom which I didn't have in New Jersey. But I was planning on getting another job that I had applied for in New York in August and had hopes of packing up once again and moving to NYC. But it didn't happen. I applied and I didn't even get confirmation that they got my resume. Then I tried to contact them to see if they got my resume or if they had already hired someone and I didn't hear anything back again. It was just so discouraging that time after time there was no call, no email, or letter saying anything. So then I applied for the tutoring position which I wasn't expecting to get but did. And it's a hard job even though it's not a lot of pay or hours but I enjoy spending time with those kids and I enjoy helping them in whatever way that I can. So the difficulty in leaving 2011 is that at the start of the year I was enthused with hope that it would be a different year than 2010. 2010 was rough by all accounts but I was hoping for getting a little farther in 2011. But you know it is what it is. I have lived through it and all I can do is hope that it gets better next year than it has been the last 2 years. So I had hoped that at the end of this year there would be much more to talk about and that there would be much more that had happened but nothing really happened this year. I did get to spend more time with my family which was great. I got to see my Madison relatives twice this year and I got to see my aunts, uncles and cousins more than I normally do in a year and I got a lot of reading done with all the "free" time that I had. So things were accomplished just not liked I had planned. But I'm ready to leave it behind.

I'm excited for the start of the new year and I am excited about turning 30. I believe that it's going to be a good year and I believe that my thirties are going to be a good decade for me and that all those things I had hoped would happen in 2010 and 2011 will happen this year. So even though my twenties are ending and 2011 is ending it's the beginning to a new year and a new decade and that is something to be excited about!

3 Days to Go

Can you believe that December only has three days left in it? I can't. But it's funny because about the week before Thanksgiving I kind of told myself to take in the holidays because they were going to move really quickly. And I must say that it has helped. I have tried to relish the moments leading up to and during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. I enjoyed each day immensely. Thanksgiving was in NYC, my most favorite city and Christmas was in Charlotte with the added bonus of going to church and celebrating with the church family. I have really enjoyed this time of year and I can't say that I am ready for the new year but I am looking forward to it with anticipation. I really am hoping that this is THE year that it all comes together. I have been saying that for the last three years possibly even four but I really do believe that 2012 will be different. I believe that this year is going to be a year of favor for God's people and that breakthroughs and changes in circumstances are going to be taking place. The last few years have been very sobering for me because I took a lot of things and people for granted and it wasn't until I was down and out that realized it. But I think that truly what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I definitely didn't feel like I was going to make it sometimes but I'm still here. I have more strength and resolve now than I ever have. I also have more of an understanding of what my priorities are whereas before I was more about satisfying whatever momentary craving I had, but now I realize that those things that I placed an emphasis on before were not that important at all. But it is nice to have understanding and clarity now at the end of that season of my life and know that I won't repeat the same mistakes or find myself in the same situations again because I'll be able to spot those patterns and behaviors that led me down that rough road. I remember hearing Joyce Meyer teach about tests and trials. She said that she and Dave had had problems in different areas of their lives and they prayed about it and handed it over to the Lord and although the Lord is very capable of removing the things that burden us and hurt us sometimes it is for our benefit. Instead of removing us from the situation and rescuing us He walks with us through it to teach and guide us so that we learn from it and know that He is with us even when we go through difficult times. And most importantly when you are up against a wall and have no one else to turn to that is usually when you turn to God for help. And if you put your relationship with Him first and trust Him and follow his principles and commands you most likely won't end up in the same kind of situation again. It's a full circle moment when you come to that realization and understanding and it is hard to turn back from that. I read an Oswald Chambers devotion this past week that talked about how we wrestle with problems before God but it is up to us to wrestle with it and then allow what God has said to settle it. Often we don't wrestle with things before Him and we try to solve it in and of our own strength in the natural and we will learn quickly or eventually that we do not have the strength to do it. But when we wrestle before Him with it and come to the decision to trust Him with whatever it is we're wrestling with then He will guide us and help us. Also we will come to a crossroads or a point of no return where we either trust Him and become more devoted to Him or we become dull, lazy, and of no use to Him. But the choice is ours to make. So I feel that in my own life that I was at a point building up to that crossroads, then I was at that crossroads, and now I hope that I am of use to Him. I have bad days like anybody else but I hope to be pleasing to the Lord and to do His will. So I am hoping that in 2012 I learn what His will for me is and that I am able to begin doing that. I think it's going to be a fantastic journey!

Hair Update

In late November I started using Miss Jessie's Curly Meringue. Before using it I thought that it was a product for women with fine hair or somewhat already curly hair who did not need much help in curlyfying their hair, however, that is not the case. Although I do have fine hair strands the type is still 4b. But I have found that Curly Meringue works so well on my twist outs. I get soft, shiny, bouncy, curls that become even bouncier and shinier as I maintain them in a twist out. I have been able to get up to 9 days of wear for every time that I wash my hair which means that I only have to go through the washing process about three times a month which is awesome. I really like Curly Meringue as a product. I have not tried it on a wash and go yet because I really like the twist out style that I recently began to wear but I plan to compare the results that I am getting with the Curly Meringue to the results that I get when I run out of it and finish the Curly Pudding that I have. I know a lot of people complain about Miss Jessie's products because their products are not all natural and they are expensive but I really don't mind either of those things because it works. Where the not all natural is concerned I am not sure that I would be able to find a natural product that could provide me with the results that Miss Jessie's does and even if it could I doubt that it would be less than Miss Jessie's. As far as the price of Miss Jessie's products I think that it is far cheaper to use products that last for several months to do my hair myself rather than visiting a salon and paying someone else to do my hair and put harsh chemicals in my hair. I have not noticed that the Miss Jessie's products have caused any damage to my hair. I also have experienced growth over the last two months since I cut my hair and as I mentioned before I only use the Curly Buttercreme on my hair every other day and not on the roots. So I think there are ways of using these products in a way that is effective and can provide positive benefits for your hair. Besides you have to be free to do you. You have the right to put in your hair what you want to put in it and pay what you want for those products that you choose. If I found something that was natural and cost less than Miss Jessie's and gave me the exact same results then I probably would switch but until that day comes I am sticking with what I know.

Christmas Eve

Happy Christmas Eve! Can you believe it? I can't! I am so happy that it's already here but it seems like it came too fast. This whole month and year have just flown by. But you know I guess that's why you have to live in the moment. Today's Christmas Eve was a little different for me. I spent it in bed most of the morning with a stuffy nose and a headache. I recovered enough to read through several articles on Madame Noire . I found a really good article on essential oils and which oils are best for which kind of care. It was very informative and I hope to be able to order some essential oils to use on my hair. The easiest one to get right now is tea tree oil which I am looking forward to using to help with my dry scalp. But after the fun of Internet surfing I had to get to work. My grandmother was coming to eat dinner and spend the night and Mom had put me in charge of dinner. Then I also had to prepare my contribution to tomorrow's Christmas dinner, Paula Deen's Aunt Peggy's Sweet Potato Souffle. I had made it once before and it turned out okay but not great so I was writing tips to myself on how to improve that as well. I got down to the kitchen and for dinner made chicken fettucine with broccoli. I had made that before too but not as well as I made it tonight. The chicken and the sauce turned out so much better than before and I was glad about it. Then after the fettucine was done I cooked my souffle. I also did much better at it too. So the majority of the day I was kind of idle not doing much and then for 3 hours I was in the kitchen cooking. But it was so fun! I have enjoyed getting to try new recipes and I received compliments from my family on both the fettucine and the souffle. My mom, grandma, and I taste tested the souffle to make sure that there was a proper amount of cinnamon and brown sugar before the topping went on it and baked. Thanks Paula Deen and Aunt Peggy! Tonight we ate dinner and watched The Nativity which was really good. I hadn't seen it before but it was really well done. So we're getting ready to go to sleep and then head to church in the morning. I still can't believe tomorrow is Christmas!

Time is Flying

Where has 2011 gone. There are only 10 days left! I am looking forward to 2012 but I just can't believe how fast this year has gone. I think one reason I am trying to hold on is because I had really hoped to accomplish some things this year and I feel like I didn't accomplish anything this year. I just kind of maintained and lived day to day but didn't really feel like I was doing anything significant. But I guess some years are like that. Last year was a year of uncertainty, upheaval and change and so was this year. I was hoping this would be the year of the beginning of stability in my life but it hasn't happened and it looks unlikely to occur by a week from Sunday. Also there is the impending 30th birthday that I will be celebrating in the early days of the new year. I was really hoping to end 29 on a high note. But I'm just glad to be alive. I suppose that is the high note. Silver lining! But oh well it's just time to leave this decade behind and hope for better things in the next one. Also another thing that I am noticing is that the time is just moving so quickly. We just finished decorating our tree, I know we're late, and I have been listening to Christmas music to get into the holiday mood but it just seems like it is all flowing by so quickly. I can't believe that it's already Christmas Eve eve. And then Sunday will be Christmas and then it will be over. It seems like Christmas used to take a long time to come even when you were already in the month of December. Now it's like I'm in a coma until after New Year's and I feel like Christmas just flew past me. But I suppose that's why it is important to savor the moments that you can and enjoy the time that you have to spend with family and friends because you really can't go back. I'm excited for Christmas and I am really excited that it's on a Sunday so we get to go to church and spend some time with our church family. I'm really looking forward to the day. Last year a life long Christmas wish for a true white Christmas was realized when it snowed Christmas day and the next day. It was so beautiful and there was so much snow I hardly believed I was still in Charlotte. It reminded me of Connecticut or Vermont. It was just beautiful and since there was so much and we are Southerners after all everyone was confined to their houses to look at snow, nap eat, and watch movies. It was awesome! But I am looking forward to this year's Christmas too and just being with the people who are near and dear to my heart!

Another Great Product from Shea Moisture

Today I got another Shea Mositure product. I probably need to just buy stock in the company. But over the last two months I have had problems with breakouts. It's not unusual for my skin to become used to a product and then over time that product stops working as well as it once did on my skin. For the past 3 years I have been using Olay 7 Effects Cream Cleanser with Salycilic Acid. It had worked well throughout that time but for some reason I have been getting bad breakouts. I think it could be because I wear my hair around my face more than I have in the past and also the fact that I have been stressed out at times. Whatever the reason the cleanser was not working for me as well as it once did. So I read up on African black soap which is apparently useful for acne prone/problem skin. I read some reviews and some blog posts about it and decided to try it out for myself. I haven't used a bar soap cleanser in a very long time so I was not sure what to expect. But the soap lathers very well. It also lathers white not black like I thought it might. Sometimes you can feel like there is a film on your skin after using soap but my skin did not feel that way at all with the black soap. It felt clean and refreshed. I made sure to follow up the soap with alcohol free toner and some Ambi Even and Clear Moisturizing lotion. So I am excited to use this soap over the next month or so and see what happens. I am hoping that I will have fewer breakouts and even skin tone with tighter pores and less dark spots. I've heard that this soap provides all of those benefits. I will report back in a month!

Hair Update

Product Review of Shea Moisture Organic African Black Soap Deep Cleansing Shampoo

The last time I washed my hair I had to use a sulfate shampoo because the previous time I had used a sulfate free shampoo and it didn't get out all of the Curly Buttercreme and Curly Pudding that had been in my hair. So I thought that there must be a way to cleanse my hair without having to use a sulfate shampoo each time I wash my hair. Enter Shea Moisture Organic African Black Soap Deep Cleansing Shampoo. I had considered using this shampoo several months ago but was happy with what I had and decided not to get it. Since I have started doing twist outs and have used a product with mineral oil, lanolin, and petroleum I need my hair to be cleaned with a stronger shampoo. So I went to YouTube and looked at some of the reviews for this shampoo and the good ones (videos) that I saw gave it a good recommendation with the exception that it was drying.

So I went and got some in order to try it for this week's shampoo. I washed my hair in two sections split down the middle and then I rinsed and washed again. My hair felt literally squeaky clean. It had stripped all the dirt, oil, and leftover product out of my hair. It does not detangle so it will not help with that. But it cleans so well. And I am so excited to have a shampoo that cleans like a sulfate shampoo but is sulfate free. The product contains willow bark extract, tea tree oil, African black soap, salicylic acid, vitamin e, Shea oil, jojoba oil, plantain extract, aloe vera leaf juice, and neem seed oil and that's not all of the ingredients. This is a wonderful cleansing shampoo. It feels good on my scalp as well. I feel like it has cleaned my scalp better than any of the other shampoos that I have tried using. I am so happy with this product!

Also I have finally tweaked (for now) my whole washing process. It went better today than I think it ever has. I washed my hair, twice, in the shower and then applied my conditioner after getting out of the shower. I made sure to really saturate my hair and applied the conditioner to my hair while it was split down the middle and applied extra to the ends. After placing a conditioning cap over it I let it sit for 15 minutes. I then detangled which was a breeze outside of the shower. I had much less breakage and tearing. I also detangled my hair in four sections splitting the two section on each side of my head into two. Then I rinsed my conditioned and detangled hair under the faucet with cold water. I then applied the deep conditioner to my hair in four sections as well adding extra to the ends. I covered with another conditioning cap and let it set for 30 minutes. Then I cold water rinsed again. I then put my hair back into the four sections and used claw clips to hold the front two sections while I worked with the back. I split the back in two and applied a dime amount of hair milk to each side. I then applied about a a quarter size of more of the curl enhancing smoothie as a leave-in conditioner but this time I rubbed it thouroughly between my palms to make it as smooth as possible before applying it to my hair and rubbed it into my hair until it was not visible. This was something that I had not been doing before and I think was the reason for the flaking of the curly pudding once it had dried. I did the same thing for the front two sections before separating out my bang and re-wetting my hair with a spray bottle, not soaking but damp. I then applied the curly meringue to each section and twisted it. And done!

Current Products I'm Using:

Shea Moisture Organic African Black Soap Deep Cleansing Shampoo (clarifying shampoo)
Shea Moisture Curl and Shine Shampoo (moisturizing shampoo)
TRESemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture Conditioner with Aloe Vera and Avocado
Shea Moisture Raw Shea Butter Deep Treatment Masque
Kera Care Natural Textures Hair Milk
Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie
Miss Jessie's Curly Meringue

Hair Update

The Results!!!! Last week I used Miss Jessie's Curly Meringue for the first time. I was skeptical about whether or not it could give me a good twist out. But a little over a week later my twist out is still soft and curly! I don't know if I would switch completely from Curly Pudding to Curly Meringue as my go to styler but I would definitely buy Curly Meringue again. What I have noticed is that the hold is much softer than Curly Pudding and that does make my roots, especially in the front, frizz up more but in return I get a lot of volume. So I fully expected having to wash my hair by this point because I didn't think that I would have any curls left at this point but my best hair days have been this week. And like I mentioned the hold is softer than with CP. Here are some pics! Unfortunately I still need a better camera...

Recovery

For the last week I have had a pretty bad head cold that I think I intercepted from some kids at tutoring. I had the sore throat, head congestion, cough, and body ache kind of cold. No fun! But I was okay by mid week even though I was feeling weak and finally today I am feeling much better. I usually have a cold or something once a year and I guess this past week was it. But it reminded me that I need to be taking more preventative measures to help my body combat cold germs and seasonal changes. When I was in grad school I got into vitamins. I was taking about 6 a day, vitamin C, fish oil, green tea extract, calcium, multi vitamin, and B12. I also did the Eat Right for Your Type Blood Type Diet and was exercising 6 days a week. I never felt better than I did during those months where I got really strict with myself and did all those things to help my body to function well. I know it is cliche for everyone to focus on health and fitness at the beginning of the new year but my focus is not so much on that as it is on wellness. I want my body to be healthy so that as I get older it functions well and I don't have to worry about occasional sickness or bad health. I'd like to be more health conscious in general. So I have been thinking about digging my blood type book out and also doing a cleanse at the start of the year to help get things off on the right foot. I know that cold and flu germs circulate and I have no control over that but I do want to help my immune system to be in pristine shape. I think that it is functioning well now but probably not as well as it could if I were to take better care of myself. So my new year's focus, I'm not going to call it a resolution, is to focus on all around wellness and helping myself to function better.

Hair Update

A few weeks ago I was able to take advantage of the Miss Jessie's Buy One Get One sale going on at Target until Dec. 17th. I decided to get one Curly Pudding and one Curly Meringue. I had never tried the Curly Meringue and had become more and more curious about how it would work with my hair type. So this past week I washed my hair with Super Slip Sudsy Shampoo (it was in need of cleansing), conditioned with TreSemme Naturals for about 15 min, deep conditioned with Shea Moisture and then applied Curly Meringue over my Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie and some curl milk. Curly Meringue is strongly scented like Curly Pudding but smells like...you guessed it meringue! It's lemony! I applied the Curly Meringue to the sections I part my hair in for its wash and gos but decided to do two strand twists on those sections instead. So I applied a generous amount of Curly Meringue to the sections and twisted it. I was worried that because it is a lighter hold that it would not provide as much hold as I needed. However, a day and a half after initially applying it I took the twists out and had the oingy boingy pogo stick curls that are described on the MJ website as a result of using the meringue. I had very well defined yet soft curls. They were a little too stiff for my liking but over the course of the day they relaxed some. The next day my hair was up all day in six twists. Then today I took those twists down and I had the best twists. Not better than that one time when I had those Sondra Huxtable curls with my first twist out but a very close second. I am interested in trying the Curly Meringue for a wash and go. I think it will do really well for those and probably be my go to summer product. I used a lot of product last time and I still came away with some frizz on the right side of my head but the right side is always challenging me. But I have to say that I like the product a lot more than I thought that I would and it is nice to know that there is another Miss Jessie's product that I can use. I think that I will probably make the twist out my fall winter style and the wash and go my summer style. In the summer I have to wash my hair more because of the heat and the wash and go is a lighter more carefree style for summer. So I am interested to see if I can get the same results with Curly Meringue in the summer and I hope that I do because I really do like it.

Final Countdown to 30!

Yikes! 30 sounds a little scary but I am ready. As I have already posted I am ready for the next decade of life. I have made it through my twenties (yay) and am hoping and praying that this next decade is the start of a better time in my life. I'm not where I had imagined and thought that I would be at this age and stage in my life but that's okay. I've learned that life does not always happen according to society's timetable. And the twenties were for learning, growing, developing into the person I need and want to be, and I am leaving older and wiser. That's a good thing. This whole year I have been thinking off and on about turning 30 and how it seems like a huge leap but really it's just a casual step across the line to a new time in my life. And I am excited to see where it goes. I had plans for where I would be at this time but those plans have been rearranged. Now I'm just excited for what's next in the journey. I am expecting 30 and the year 2012 to be a big year in my life and for changes for the better. It's so weird thinking about the year being 2012. I just went out and got my next year's calendar a little over a week ago. It was awesome because I have this type of planner that I really like and I hadn't been able to find it in stores but I looked it up online and was able to find the style and design that I wanted. I was planning to order it so that I would have it in time for the new year. The next day I went into Target because I needed some gum and to kill some time before tutoring. I didn't think Target would have the planner or the gum that I wanted but I went in anyway. I went to look at the planners and they had exactly four. They were all by the company that I liked but I didn't think that they had the design that I wanted. I looked through them all and then finally at the bottom was the exact one that I wanted. Then as I was going through the checkout they had the gum that I wanted too. It's the little things in life! But anyway, I went out to get my new planner and then was putting birthdays and days to remember into it and I just got to thinking about how quick and different the last year had been. I don't know if it's just the way the world is now or if it's because I'm older but time seems to be passing so quickly. And this year was very much like the year before for me but just in a different location. I'm still wondering where I belong and when I will know where I belong. I'm still waiting for the right opportunities to come along. I've tried creating them and I've tried going out and seizing them and they have not worked out. I've come to a point where I feel that I have given it my all and now I am waiting for divine intervention. I really am at the point of needing a miracle. But you know, I don't doubt that I will get one. I very much believe that I've not been forgotten and that God loves and cares for and about me and that in the end all the trials, pain, heartache and break, missed opportunities, and shattered dreams will be forgotten because God knows how to right wrongs and how to place us into right situations so that it's like we've never missed a beat. The past five days I've been fighting a horrible head cold. I got it from one of the little kids I tutor. I think it's been particularly bad because for much of the last year I've been isolated. I've been at home Monday through Saturday and just out maybe once or twice on the weekends. But even having this cold is a sign of change because a year ago I wouldn't have been around anyone to have gotten a cold from. It's a weird way to look at tutoring but I see it as a sign of change. And I really enjoy working with children. They remind you to have fun and to enjoy yourself and they're also a reminder that you only go around once. You can't go back to being a little kid and it really is such a wonderful time in life. It's so great to see them learning and growing and they have so much to share. So maybe as I approach 30 I'm being reminded of the fact that in the scheme of things there is still a lot of life to live and what's 4 year on the sidelines? Only a mere delay and nothing to be too worried or concerned over. I'm going to enjoy my last month of 29 and I am greatly looking forward to being 30!