Last Post of the Month

I can't believe that this year is flying by and that for purposes of this blog that the month is over. Today I closed out this month on a positive note. I had an interview today in Jersey City. I woke up early this morning and did some reading. I had already prepared for the interview throughout the week by answering some typical interview questions from What Color Is Your Parachute? and also researching the company online. So I felt really prepared for the interview. I got ready and did my makeup. I even toned it down as per the advice of WCIYP and did my hair. I got all dressed up in my little business outfit and headed off to Jersey City. I started out driving and I went the most familiar way to get there. I was listening to my music and enjoying the day. I finally made it to Jersey City and on the way I got to see the Manhattan skyline that I never get tired of seeing! It was so beautiful. The weather was also really nice because of the breeze off of the river. I got to the interview on time and I think that it went really well. I hope that I hear a positive response from them. After the interview I went to the pier outside of the building walked down to get a better view of Manhattan. I could also see Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty. It was so beautiful and I also enjoyed being out and being cool! It was such an awesome day and I am excited to have more days like this ahead of me!

I'm ready for August!

Good News

Guess What? I received a phone call back from one of the places that I applied to! Yay! And then on top of that I got to talk to the person that called today and they are having me come in for an interview on Friday! I am so excited! I haven't been on a job interview since February, so this is huge for me. I already picked out what I am going to wear and things that I need to do before the big day. I also need to think of examples of questions that they may ask me and have some ready responses. Being that the job is dealing with people and also handling working with time sensitive issues I need to think of examples of those things and times where I have successfully accomplished those things. I'm so happy that my resume was attractive to an organization and although this probably isn't my dream job it is a job at least. It's so funny because I was just looking for jobs to apply for and I almost didn't apply for the job because I thought I didn't have the skills to do it. But I decided that the worst thing that could happen would be that I would get turned down or not get a response and at least I would have tried. So I can't believe that the job that I almost didn't even do the cover letter and resume for is the one that called back. It is amazing how life works. I'm also really excited because if I work there it is right across from New York City in Jersey City. When I go out on lunch breaks I can stare right over the Hudson and see NYC! That is so exciting for me and I can't wait to see what happens with this job opportunity!

Getting Back in The Swing

This weekend was different than I expected or planned. I stayed up listening to music and then eventually fell asleep late. I got up the next day and decided I needed to get out. I wanted to "do something". I had been in the house all week and it hadn't necessarily been an enjoyable week so I just needed a few hours out. After getting ready I went to the local mall and got a ticket to go see Inception. I had about an hour to kill so I grabbed a burger and then I went and hung out at Target reading books. I'm not sure if I was being followed or not but there appeared a red shirted man in the same isle as me who appeared to be hanging out and possibly seeing if I was going to purchase anything I was looking at. I admit that I did get a bit wrapped up in looking through the book on the Real Housewives but I did try to move on as quickly as possible from each book I was checking out. But he seemed like he didn't care one way or the other. Maybe he was just trying to get some texting in on the sly. But eventually I headed out the door and was off to the movies. I had seen some commercials about Inception and I had read one review in which a very kind reviewer left much of the plot un-discussed in order not to ruin the surprises for everyone. I forgot my jacket which I always end up needing in the theater but I headed in looking forward to a reprieve from the heat and from the apartment. I won't say anything about Inception in case anyone reading this is planning on seeing it but it surprised me immensely. I really enjoyed the plot and felt each of the actors was given a character that didn't get lost in all the action. I really enjoyed the performances of Leo DiCaprio, Ellen Page, Marion Cotillard, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. And I just read today that Christopher Nolan not only directed this movie but also wrote it. I was really impressed but I kind of knew that I would like the movie because he directed two of my other favorite movies, The Prestige and The Dark Knight. It's good to know that in an age when people are making big screen versions of 60s, 70s and 80s sitcoms that there is some creativity and imagination left in Hollywood! After the movie I came home to watch two more movies, Juno and Hairspray, an unlikely combination, I know. But all in all I had a great day and most importantly I enjoyed myself.
The next day I woke up to late to make it to church. I had to sleep with ear plugs because there was noise coming through the walls of the apartment and I didn't hear my alarm, then my phone (with the alarm) died, and I usually sleep harder with the ear plugs. But I watched some ministry broadcasts that morning and felt really good about what I was hearing. Most of the messages had to do with discovering your purpose. I feel that I am close to learning mine. I honestly have no clue anymore what I am going to do in the future. It's a little bit scary but it's nice to know that God cares and that He already has it planned out for me. I used to have such a clearly defined plan of what I wanted to do, where I wanted to work, and things that I planned to accomplish but now that plan has been ripped up and I have come to the realization that I am not on my own schedule anymore. I have to give God the pen and follow where He leads.
On Saturday night I was just really feeling down about a lot of things and really wishing that I had someone to talk to but the fact that I didn't just made me even sadder. So Sunday it was nice to hear some affirmation of the fact that God knows my pain and sorrow but also wants for me to not be condemned or ruled by my feelings. He wants me to believe what the word says instead of what the circumstances or the situations say. So Sunday I just kept hearing messages about that. I wasn't going to go to church that evening but instead I did go after my mother prodded me to. I did feel better after going and seeing some of the familiar faces at church. And the message was right on time too. I felt really good after I left. I came home and got ready to go to bed but I wasn't tired. I think I was just really excited about the future and pumped up from going to service. So I got caught up in Turner Classic Movies and ended up staying up late and watching a movie called Two Women starring Sophia Loren. It's about a woman and her daughter fleeing Rome during the Nazi invasion of Italy and all the hardships that they encounter. I don't think I had seen a Sophia Loren movie before this but I was really impressed by her acting ability and of course her beauty. She was only twenty-six when she made the film but she plays the mother of a 13 year old. I was thoroughly impressed by the realism of her performance. Today I did a little biographical reading and discovered that she probably based her performance on her own experience of living in Italy during WWII. I was really impressed with the film. So then I of course didn't stick to my schedule like I needed to today and I was kind of lost as to where to look for positions as well. But tomorrow I am going to a career fair and I hope to get some good leads there. I know that everything will work out in the end if I don't give up!

Learning Who I Really Am

When I first came to NJ I thought that it was a purely temporary situation and while I can see no long time ties in the future other than staying with my church as long as possible it is still temporary to me. While I have had this time to think and to prioritize I have still questioned whether or not I am supposed to be pursuing museum work. If I were supposed to be working in a museum then I should have gotten any one of the dozens of museum jobs that I have applied for, right? Well this had been the question weighing on my mind for the last 6 mos or so until I started reading Max Lucado's Cure for the Common Life. Then I began to read and learn that everything that I was going to be was already determined for me by God and that He had already equipped me with everything that I needed to be what He made me to be. I also began to learn that not only did He make me specifically to do a specific job but that job I will do will be to honor Him, to help others and to satisfy me by having my purpose fulfilled. This was good news to hear and to see it all spelled out in Max's book was comforting. So as I read more into the book, Max instructed his readers to take inventory of themselves and see what skills and abilities God had given them. So I made a list of my interests since childhood, my hobbies,my passions, and what just in general captivated my attention. The more I thought about it the more things began to reveal that museum curator was not just a bolt of lightening that hit me out of the blue but it was written all over my life from a very young age. It was comforting to know that being a museum curator is what I am supposed to be doing. I couldn't have made up a better profession for myself. Being a curator comprises all of the things that I like the best and that excite me and thrill me and make me want to share with other people. I was so excited that as I thought more and more about the qualities, skills and abilities that I notice on my own that there was a justification for why I was drawn to the museum field and why it has not been easy for me to give up my hopes and dreams of being a museum curator. So I am once again excited that I have an actual tangible list of things that I can look at and say, "Yes, that's me! That's what I am supposed to be doing!" I am really excited to find out what happens in the future. Will I be a museum curator or will there be another career in my future that I haven't even considered yet? Who knows? But I know I must stay positive and keep hopeful about my future.

Galatians 6:9

Lost Post

I wrote a post just now that I thought was saved but wasn't. So I lost it. The heart of it was looking at 1 Corinthians 12:12. We each are created uniquely and we can't be what we're not meant to be. Several ministers have been talking about this in the last week and I even have started reading a book on the subject. But the heart of the matter is that we have been given specific gifts, talents and abilities to use for God and to help others. If we try to be what we are not we get frustrated. If we try to get into competition with other people and try on our own to acquire what they have we will get frustrated and be unhappy as well. The first I heard of this was when I was watching Kenneth Copeland and Keith Moore last Thursday. The two of them made the statement that the world will tell us that we can be whatever we want to be but we can't. We are to be what God has called us to be. We flourish and find happiness when we are walking in the gifts that God has called us to and that includes where we live, what we do, and our relationships with one another. God looked at us from beginning to end and packed each of us with what we needed in order to be what He specifically designed us to be. I like knowing that God didn't create cookie cutter versions of us but that He designed you and me to be unique or you-nique (as Max Lucado says). This is what 1 Corinthians 12:12 is speaking to how each of us belongs to the body of Chirst but we have different funtions. Just as on our own bodies there are many parts that make up one body. The ear can't be the eye and the hand can't be the foot. They all have a specific purpose and God created them that way. It is the same way with us. We have all been created for a purpose and if we get into trying to be what someoneelse is then we miss the mark and we live lives that are unfulfilled and frustrating because they are not what they are supposed to be. I like knowing that even though I am facing trials and circumstances that I never thought I would it does not erase my destiny and my purpose. Sometimes it takes sacrifice and hardship to know if you are on the right path. If I didn't want to be in museums I would have given up a long time ago. I would have said, "That's okay, This is too hard. I will do something else." But I still know that I want to work in museums although that want has put me in the toughest fight of my life. But I know it's what I am called to do. God packed the skills, passion and abilities in me to be able to do a job that He has called me to and I know I will get there and that I will be able to help others with these skills and that I will be fulfilled because I am serving the purpose that I was created for.

1 Corinthians 12:12 (MSG)
You can easily enough see how this kind of thing works by looking no further than your own body. Your body has many parts—limbs, organs, cells—but no matter how many parts you can name, you're still one body. It's exactly the same with Christ. By means of his one Spirit, we all said good-bye to our partial and piecemeal lives. We each used to independently call our own shots, but then we entered into a large and integrated life in which he has the final say in everything. (This is what we proclaimed in word and action when we were baptized.) Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive.

Another Day

Today was a very low key day. I did some laundry and I searched for jobs online. I listened to a Joyce Meyer message on "Change" that was really helpful and that I will probably have to listen to over and over again to get it completely. But I found some applications to put in and I found some places near where I live that are currently hiring. So that was a step forward. I was applying for a job at Old Navy but could not figure how to get the pop up blocker off. I turned it off for the page but I still was getting the message that it was turned on. I will try it again and see if I can get it to work.

I got up about the same time as yesterday which was totally my fault because I went to bed later than I should have but I am going to continue to work on dragging myself out of bed when the alarm rings and not using my expertly trained snooze button finger.

I ate lunch and then had a really filling afternoon snack. I continued looking for positions and then changed my Twitter background.

That was about it. But who knows what could happen tomorrow! And at the very least I have clean clothes now!

Last Week...

Last week was incredibly full. There was so much that happened that I didn't expect at all. It started with my parents getting in early on Monday morning. We were all tired the next day because I was waiting up for them and they had just traveled here from Tennessee. So on Monday mom and I went to the store and ran some errands and then stayed up late watching Cake Boss on TLC. The next day my dad had to go into work so mom and I did laundry and ran some errands again. Then we went to Westfield, New Jersey and got some coffee and took around the main section of town. It was so cute but it was super hot outside. That day mom gave me one of her motivational speeches and also told me to get back to looking for jobs and keep doing what I can until things start to work. She made a good point that the more jobs I apply for the more chances I have of getting one of them. Plus God won't help me unless I am doing something I can't just sit back and relax and wait for things to come together. So I was encouraged to get back in the swig of things and start applying for jobs. Mom being her type A self had me looking for jobs that day! Which I have to admit was not a bad idea because I definitely need to start making money ASAP. It did help that mom said she knew what it felt like to be discouraged and to see your efforts fail when you have been working really hard to try and accomplish a dream or goal. She also reminded me that I am going to be 30 in 18 months and that I obviously did not want to be in the same place or state that I am in now in a year and a half. That is true! I do not want many of the conditions that are current in my life to still exist by January 6, 2012. So that as well gave me motivation to get up the courage to keep applying for jobs and to keep making an effort. I have heard several preachers and teachers say, "Do what you can and God will do what you can't." So I am getting myself together and doing what I can. I have felt and do feel like I have exhausted my efforts at times but I know that there are opportunities out there and if I am asleep all day on the couch or watching TV then I won't be able to seize the opportunities when they come. So that was Tuesday. On Wednesday Mom and I went to Queens! I couldn't believe my mom rode the NYC subway. That was a huge step out of her comfort zone. She has never wanted to ride the New York subway but it was the only way that we could get to where we were going. So we got to Penn Station, we caught the 1 to 42nd and then caught the F train to Queens to go to the Louis Armstrong House Museum! We took the ride out to Queens and got off the train. The train dropped us off at Roosevelt Ave and 103rd street in Corona Park. We got a little lost because there were no signs to the museum. Luckily we found an MTA worker who told us the blocks we needed were on the other side of where we were. So we would have to go to 106th street and then walk over to 34th street. We got a little lost doing that too but thanks to a kind census worker who directed us to which block to turn down we made it. We went to the museum and got our tickets. The museum has an admission price of only $8. We toured the basement exhibit that is filled with Armstrong photos and memorabilia including an iconic Armstrong trumpet. Our tour guide Phyllis took us into the front of the home like it was a visit with Louis and his wife Lucille on an ordinary day. We went into the living room, bathroom, kitchen, a den and the master bedroom. The house has been repaired since the time that the Armstrongs lived in it but it looks spectacular! It was amazing to think that someone like Louis Armstrong lived in a modest two level home on a quiet street in Queens. But there were a lot of musicians from the jazz era of the 20s,
30s, and 40s. It's just incredible that Louis Armstrong lived a quiet life there on his days off which were very few. But he and his wife served as an "uncle" and "aunt" to the neighborhood kids. Some of my most favorite photographs were him teaching little children how to play a few notes on the horn. Next year the museum will be opening up a visitors center across the street from the house and they will probably have double the visitors they have now. The museum is hidden amongst all the homes that are on the street that you would probably miss it if you didn't stop to look at the door leading into the gift shop which used to be the Armstrong's basement. It was a great day! That evening we all went to church together and came home. The next day dad said he would like to go to Philadelphia. Mom and I were not opposed to a mini vacation so we agreed. We went out to get breakfast and run an errand and then came back. The day then seemed to be wasting away and we hadn't made a move yet. Eventually my dad fell asleep and we decided that perhaps we should set out for Philadelphia on Friday. We tried to think of local things to do that might be good for a day trip. I came up with going to the African Burial Ground and Ground Zero. Dad and I had been to Ground Zero but not mom and none of us had been to the
African Burial Ground. We asked dad if he wanted to go but he must have been feeling very run down because he never made a move. It was going to be too much for me to drive to New York considering that I have never driven in the city and I think a mid week afternoon is not the time to learn either. So mom and I decided to venture to Hoboken. I was hoping we would get to walk around a bit and visit Carlo's Bakery home of Buddy Valastro, the Cake Boss. So we drive past Carlo's and see that the shop has a line split between two blocks and we have to wait in it if we want to get in. So we find a place to park and we get out with only two hours on the meter. So we walk down the street in the 97 degree weather and get our place in line. We wait in line and make it to the front about 45 min later! Inside it is a mad house. There are people everywhere, most look like tourists. But the bakery works on a number system when it is busy and we are number 80 and they are only on 63. So mom and I look around for what we want. I really want a mini tiramisu but I also want a cupcake or canoli too. So I am pondering what I want. After being sandwiched in between what seemed like a million people we have our numbered called. A teenager comes to aid us with our bakery selection. We choose two carrot cupcakes for my dad, mom gets two vanilla chocolate iced cupcakes, and I got a small lobster tail and a large canoli. Mom also decided to get a small pound cake. We left with all of our baked goods and the added bonus was that while we were there we saw some of the family and friends that we had just seen on TV on Monday. We went up the street and added more money to the meter. We went to Five Guys and had some burgers and also cut ourselves some pound cake. I thought the pound cake was delicious but mom insists that her friend Ms. Coleman makes it better. But mom did later on say that she loved the icing on the cupcakes from Carlo's which is unusual for her because she doesn't like icing that much. It was a good (hot) day. The next day we got up early intending to spend (a) day in Philadelphia. Instead Dad came in and said that he had just reserved our rooms. Apparently we were spending Friday and Saturday in Philly. So mom and I who had no clue that was what we were doing hurriedly put together overnight bags. And about an hour later we were headed to Philly. I tried to read on the way there but I was really tired so I fell asleep. I didn't know how much time had passed but we eventually made it to Philly. We parked under the Independence Visitors Center and then went in. We got tickets for Independence Hall and we headed off to see the Liberty Bell. It was really cool to learn the history of the bell and to see it in person. From there were went to get some lunch at the Philadelphia Bourse. We ate at Liberty Chicken which was pretty tasty. After that we went over to check out Independence Hall, Old City Hall and Congress Hall but we only saw the outside. We went into Congress Hall but we missed seeing the tours. We went over the the Signers Garden and watched a demonstration of a signing up for the army with little kids that was really cute. They practiced using a girl with a Union Jack flag as a target (only pretend). After that we headed to the Independence Visitor's Center again so we could get tickets for a bus tour of the city. We got tickets and headed to the bus. We sat on the top and cooked in the sun until the tour started. We finally got going and the bus tour was well worth it because we got to see a bunch of locations that we would not have seen or known about if we had tried to do it on our own. We had a good tour guide and learned some great facts about the city. After that we went back to the car and we got on the road to check into the hotel. After we checked in we headed to South Philly for a cheese steak! We decided to go to Pat's King of Steaks. We found a parking spot right around the corner and we went to order. The sign is really helpful for first time visitors to the city and to Pat's. Mom got a mushroom cheese steak with, I got a peppers cheese steak with and dad got a peppers cheese steak with and a hot dog. We also shared some of their delicious crispy fries! It was so good. We all enjoyed our cheese steaks and enjoyed being out in Philly. The evening was much cooler than the day and so sitting outside on the picnic tables at Pat's was nice for a cool summer evening. We went back to the hotel and I went pretty much right to sleep after a hot shower. The next morning we packed up and started our day off at the Ben Franklin grave at Christ Church Burial Ground. Then we went to the Betsy Ross house, and then to the Ben Franklin Post Office which is located in the properties that Franklin used to rent out and in front of the place where his home used to stand. We got postcards from the bookstore and then put stamps on them to be able to get the Ben Franklin postmark at the post office the only place that offers it. After that we went to the Franklin Court museum which is underground. We got to see some artifacts from his home and then a short film about who he was. After that we went looking for a bus to hop on that would take us to the African American Museum of Philadelphia. We made it to the museum but it was closing at 5 so we didn't get to see everything. But we got to Reading Market and I got a great sandwich with roast beef, peppers, onions, and provolone. It was so good! The name of the booth was Tony D'Nics and it was awesome! If you go to Philly go to Reading Market and get roast beef or roast pork from Tony D'Nics. After that we caught another bus tour but this one had a different tour guide on it and we learned a lot from him. He gave us information the other guy left out and he was a little older so he had lived in the city longer and knew more. It was great! We got to see where Will Smith grew up and learned some local lore. It was great! And then we got back to where we started from. If you go to Philly and take The Big Bus Tour of Philly ask if Rich is working. He's a great tour guide and a really nice guy! And then it was home to north Jersey. Which I stayed awake for the ride home and it was only about an hour and a few minutes away. To top off our great weekend we went out to dinner at Highland Park, New Jersey to one of my favorite restaurants, Pithari Greek Taverna. I had a gyro, mom had roasted leg of pork and dad had salmon with avocado. It was so delicious! That was last week! Sunday morning we went to LaGuardia to drop mom off and made plans for the next time we would all be together, hopefully in September when the Apollo exhibit I helped with comes to NYC. So we made plans to go to Magnolia Bakery next time! It was a really great week!

Life Experience vs Work Experience

Yesterday I was working on filling out my profile on ancestry.com and helping my parents fill out theirs as well. While we were filling them out I realized that I had omitted my internship experience in D.C. I had thought about including them before but I didn't want my profile to read like a resume. But as I was thinking about it I came to the realization that those experiences have been very important to my life. I lived outside of North Carolina for the first time in my life when I took my first internship in D.C. And I learned life skills there like how to pay bills, grocery shop, go to work, and network. I realized that even though they were work experiences they also helped me to become the person I am and I was doing things that I never really dreamed I would have the opportunity to do. I don't know if I have shared the story of how I came to know about the internships or not. I was working as a summer orientation leader at college the summer after my freshman year. I was walking through what was then White Hall, where the History department was located. I stopped by the announcements board and saw a flier announcing internships at the Smithsonian for the summer. I couldn't do it that year of course because I had missed the deadline but I took the flier off the board, which I probably wasn't supposed to do, and then I kept it until the fall semester when I would have to put together my application packet. So I filled out all the information and got recommendations from my professors and sent it all in by the February deadline. Then I waited for the response. In March or April I got an email telling me that I had been accepted and that my supervisor would be calling me soon to work out the details. I never ever imagined working at the Smithsonian and I think that I had only been to D.C. one time and I couldn't remember visiting any of the Smithsonian Museums. In short the acceptance into the intern program shaped my life because it opened up my world and changed my worldview. I met students who were interning in D.C. from colleges and universities all over the United States and I learned from them and exchanged ideas with them. For the first time I had a clear picture of what I wanted to do with my life and what kind of career I wanted after having guessed for two years at what I could do with a degree in History after graduating that didn't involve being a teacher. The internships I've done are up to this point some of my proudest accomplishments and I felt badly for having taken them for granted and not including them on my profile. Sometimes I feel like people put to much emphasis on what they have done or where they have been or who they know and then sometimes I feel like we should celebrate these moments because they have been life shaping and affirming experiences. I am looking forward to more life shaping and affirming experiences. I know that I have been put on this earth for a reason whether or not it's one of the reasons I think or not and I want to fulfill my purpose and destiny. And I think that I realized that these work and life experiences have helped me in different ways to realize that.

Another Day

Well I finished my cooking and dinner last night and then I was so excited about the newly cleaned apartment that I couldn't sleep. I was also caught up in a The Hills marathon since the last episode of the series is this Tuesday I decided to watch the infamous moments once again. I also called the maintenance man because the handle to the toilet broke and I knew that that would need to be fixed ASAP. But the man that comes and fixes most things that end up broken here came and set everything back to normal. So glad that this building has 24-hour maintenance. When I move into my own apartment I must remember to look for the same thing. I looked for new people to follow on Twitter and then just watched more TV. I need to get it together and read a book or do something productive with myself. Later today I need to clean the bathroom which I have not been looking forward to but must be done. So that's about it. I am getting ready to eat some dinner and probably will do some reading before the end of the evening. I am looking forward to church tomorrow.

Finally Something Productive

Today I accomplished something! I started cleaning the living room, dining area, and the kitchen today. I also packed up all my clothes that had exploded all over the place. Now everything is in its rightful place and there is less dust and junk all over the place. I cleaned and then took a break to do to the grocery store to get some meatloaf mix. I was going to make spaghetti with turkey tonight but decided I would rather make the ground turkey into a meatloaf but I needed more mix to make it. So I got some mix at the store and enjoyed the warm summer night a little bit before coming back and cooking dinner and finishing cleaning. I really would have liked to enjoy the night more. It was a perfect night for a sidewalk cafe dinner or a nice stroll on a NYC street. Hopefully next summer I will be able to do those things. Nonetheless it was nice to get out for a little bit. And the apartment is so much cleaner now. All I have to do is deep clean the bathroom and mom's visit can commence. I packed all the clothes that I wear regularly in a suitcase and got excited over thinking about not having to pack my suitcase in the future. One day soon I am going to have my own apartment again and I am going to have an armour and I won't have to pack my clothes in a suitcase anymore. I can't wait to have a dog as I rambled about last night and then I also want to have a kitchen too with lots of utensils and supplies for cooking and baking, which I think I have also expounded on before as well. It excites me very much to think about having the life that I dream of. It's in a place that I love and it's only 45 min away. I have been dreaming of living in New York since my senior year of college and no matter how much I loved DC it never can compare to the Big Apple when it comes to my affection for a city. I look forward to fresh pastry and going to Lindy's to get cheesecake to celebrate special occasions and going to concerts and walking and picnicking in Central Park and finally filling in more posts on my museum blog. And there are so many more things I want to experience as well. I can't wait. I am literally thrilled! I just can't contain it. I think my mom and I are going to New York next week and although it is not my mom's favorite place to go I know that she will enjoy it for me and that she will enjoy our spending time together. We both have talked about going to the Louis Armstrong House Museum and I hope we go there and maybe some other places too. I am so looking forward to hanging out with my mom and having someone to spend the day with. My parents get in on Sunday or Monday and then mom and I are scheduled to hang out on Tuesday so I can't wait. I am thinking about going to the movies tomorrow to either see Despicable Me or The Last Airbender. I guess we'll see how that goes. Tomorrow is kind of the last day of my week of solitude. But I guess a movie wouldn't be a bad way to end it. Well it's late and I am actually tired from working hard for once so I am going to bed or at least going to lay on my bed/couch.

PS- I am trying to top my monthly best blogging record of 14, so I think I am going to make it!

I Need to Get Out More

I realized today as I was doing the dishes that I need to get out of this apartment more. I am secluding myself in here. Often I don't want to go anywhere because it reminds me of my lack of money and not being able to do anything. But I have also come to enjoy just driving around and searching out new ways of getting home from the towns around here. But I need to breathe fresh air everyday and get some sunlight, if only to keep myself from being vitamin D deficient. So tomorrow I am planning to go out at some point and just do something, even if it is just going to the park and walking around or going to the mall and looking around I have got to get out and do something!

Patience is Having A Good Attitude While Waiting

Joyce Meyer wrote these words in her bestseller Battlefield of the Mind. They were true when I read them over a year ago and they are still true for me now. I am in a waiting process and I have no idea where I am headed. However, I know that it will be better than where I have been and that is because God is in control of it all. I have run out of myself and am no longer reliant on me. I had several devotionals this morning that spoke to this point and I realize that daily I must make a decision to not complain about how long it takes for me to get where I am going. I used to look at the future in fear like, "What's going to happen to me?" And usually I would be thinking about what negative things were going to happen to me. But over the last month I have moved from that mindset to thinking, "What good things are going to happen to me in the future?" I believe that the future holds nothing but good things. There will always be challanges and trials but I believe that I have been through this trial because I am headed somewhere that I really want and need to be. It excites me because I am ready for it. I used to draw from self-pity and trying to seek out pity and sympathy from others but now I can't wait to get back into the race and to do whatever it is I am supposed to be doing. And I know that what is going on in my life right now is what I am supposed to be doing but I am ready for fulfilling my purpose in life. I am ready to get out of this apartment and out of this town. I want to live in New York, and work in New York, and hopefully meet my future husband in New York. I want it so badly. But I believe that all of that will happen when it is supposed to. I think for now though it's important to have the vision of doing those things and trusting that it will happen.

Tonight I watched Bethenny Getting Married? on Bravo. She was talking about how she had waited for the right man and wanted to get married and have a baby for so long and I could not help but feel like I wanted that too. It's weird with me. I go back and forth. I think deep down I do want to be married and have my own family. But I think at times I convince myself that I don't care if it does or doesn't happen because if it didn't I wouldn't want to be disappointed. But you know I really do want it but I am not counting on that to define me. It's so funny that this year is my 10th high school reunion and I know that so many people that I grew up with will be going and they will have spouses with them and be talking about having homes and children. I am just not there yet and I am not sure that I want to be just yet. But I know that there is a part of me that wants that too. I also want a dog. I just love animals and I really feel incomplete not having one. I had a fish named, Harry, for a year and a half and he died last June. It was so nice when I would come home and he was there. I didn't live with anyone and often times I was without plans and it was just nice to come home to something other than silence. Plus it made me feel good to take care of him. So I really don't think I want another fish, Harry was the best one that I had ever had but it has been a long time since I've had a pet. I really think that the next pet should be a dog. I have longed for a pure bred German Shepard since I was a little girl and I really can't wait to have one of my own. I think I would like to have my own home definitely if I was to have that kind of dog just because it would be cruel to keep a dog that big in a tiny apartment.

This has been one random blog! I don't know why but if you are reading it know that I had a very introspective kind of day and I think it all just came out here.

Until tomorrow!

PS- You may be diverted, distracted and feel defeated, but if you move forward, you will get there. - Bethenny Frankel

Day Three of My Staycation

Well today was the third day of my week alone. It started off much earlier than I thought it would which was a good thing. I was awakened by a phone call with a 917 (New York) area code. My curiosity got the better of me and I wondered if perhaps this might be a phone call from some organization or individual in New York. After calling my parents and making sure they traveled safely I checked my messages only to find that it was some credit card company that according to the Internet has been plaguing many people in this area.

After my little stint on the phone I listened to two of my new Joseph Prince messages. They were really good and I learned a lot. I started feeling really sleepy after I finished listening and taking notes. I ate some lunch and then took a really long cat nap. When I finally awoke I finally concentrated enough to do my quiet time. After that I made dinner.

I was looking forward to making this particular dinner of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn on the cobb for a little while and was glad to finally be able to have it. Only I should have concentrated on one thing at a time instead of trying to fix everything together and watch Top Chef. Eventually everything cooked and I got to eat the dinner I really like. Instead of ketchup on my meatloaf, I used KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce which is tangy and sweet and gives the meat a different taste than the ketchup. Eventually I would like to get to the place where I can see things on television or in cookbooks and be able to replicate them at home. I felt like I was kind of doing that when I was on my own in DC because I would cook from recipes or put things together that I thought would taste good together. Evenutally I want to have a fully stocked kitchen and take some classes to know what to do.

Also as I watch Top Chef it's so bittersweet to be like, "Hey, I used to live there!" But I know that I am doing much better here in Jersey. But it is cool to see some of the old places that I used to go like Dupont Circle. On tonight's episode Chef Spike Mendelsohn (http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/politics/blogs/yeas-and-nays/More-Good-Stuff_-D_C__s-burger-_king_-set-to-open-pizza-place-8371868-64047442.html) was on as one of the guest judges. I used to live just a few blocks over from Good Stuff Eatery and on nights when I was too lazy to cook or didn't have any groceries I would go to good stuff and grab a burger, some fries or onion rings, and a Boylan soda. It was my favorite restaurant on Capitol Hill and I miss being able to go there. It was always packed and one of the few places that you could go to without there being smoke pouring out of it or drunks everywhere late at night. The best memories of going there were with friends and the conversations and good food that we shared together. I miss it. But the memories I will have forever.

Anyway today was pretty much the laziest day that I have had in a little while but it was nice. I also was avoiding the heat as we are going through a ferocious heat wave with close to and upwards of 100 degrees. I am really thankful that I have electricity and air conditioning because I know that so many people are without power and that it is really miserable to live without air conditioning and electricity.

This weekend my mom is coming back with my dad from Tennessee. I am looking forward to the two of us spending time together and hoping that it won't be too hot to go to New York and have some fun. I am hoping that we get to go to the Louis Armstrong House Museum and then blog about it on my museum blog.

Home Alone

This week my dad is on vacation and I am home alone. It feels good. I have not been alone by myself at home in a while and I miss being able to do certain things I can't do when I am not by myself. Most of all I like being able to have my own schedule. I can read as long as I want to and watch tv shows I want to and go out when I need to. It's awesome. I can't help but also feeling like a teenager because the things I am excited about getting to do on my own are exactly what I would have wanted to do when I was without my parents when I was 16. Hilarious and a little sad even. But never fear I have hope that things are only getting better meaning that I will get out of the situation that I am currently in and have been in for a long time now and I will get back to living my own life but now with a new purpose and more maturity than I had before. I have definitly grown in the months that I have been here and feel as though I am being prepared for something in the future. But I still have no idea what. I am just trying to learn and grow as much as I can now and use the time that I have to read the Bible, read my Christian living books and absorb as much as I can/ Last Sunday I had a really encouraging experience. I went to church by myself and I sat with my friend Debbie. She was the first friend I made at LOJ and she always takes time to say Hi to me and ask how I am doing which means so much. So I got to sit with her and church which was fun. Then I ran into a lady that I had met through the prayer team. She is on the prayer team and I had gone up for prayer about a job that I had applied to that I really wanted. She remembered praying for me about that job. I told her that I didn't get it and that I was just waiting for the next thing to come. She assured me that God would open the right door at the right time and that she had felt that the job that I wanted may not be the right opportunity for me. I was encouraged that she remembered me and that she was encouraging me to hang on and keep going until the right thing did come along. Right now my life is a waiting period. I have exhausted all of myself, which I have learned is a part of the process. I have no leads and I have no more plans. I used to think that this was a bad thing but I have learned that it is a trust exercise between me and the Lord. I have to exhaust all of me to learn that it is only through leaning on and relying on and trusting in Him that I will get to where I need to be. Joseph Prince, a pastor in Singapore, says that you have to rest if you want God to work. I admit that that sounded strange the first time that I heard it. But I have come to realize that it's true. We can't really give God all the glory if there is some ounce of us saying that we contributed too. I have also heard several ministers say that the more desperate the situtation becomes the greater work that God has in store for you. This saying both scares and excites me. Scary because I have so many loose ends and a lot of things that I could worry about and fret over and exciting because I believe that there will be a big move on my behalf from God. So in the meantime while I am waiting for the door to open I have to have a good attitude, think positive, trust in the Lord, and maintain a vision of good things happening in the future. I believe that things are getting better and that I will get to where I need to be. I also know that I have many things about myself that need to change and that I need to be actively working on those things as well and not get mad at myself if I don't get them all accomplished at once because it takes time to develop these things. But I am thankful that I am not where I was last year at this time and I am thankful that I am not where I was 9 months ago when I moved to NJ. It's all a process and I am thankful to have gone through this process and also awaiting the end to this particular stage of the process. It is no fun to be broke, unable to do things you enjoy and not know where you are headed but the comfort is knowing that I will end up exactly where I need to be because God knows all of these things and cares about them as they relate to me even more than I care about them.