Home Alone

This week my dad is on vacation and I am home alone. It feels good. I have not been alone by myself at home in a while and I miss being able to do certain things I can't do when I am not by myself. Most of all I like being able to have my own schedule. I can read as long as I want to and watch tv shows I want to and go out when I need to. It's awesome. I can't help but also feeling like a teenager because the things I am excited about getting to do on my own are exactly what I would have wanted to do when I was without my parents when I was 16. Hilarious and a little sad even. But never fear I have hope that things are only getting better meaning that I will get out of the situation that I am currently in and have been in for a long time now and I will get back to living my own life but now with a new purpose and more maturity than I had before. I have definitly grown in the months that I have been here and feel as though I am being prepared for something in the future. But I still have no idea what. I am just trying to learn and grow as much as I can now and use the time that I have to read the Bible, read my Christian living books and absorb as much as I can/ Last Sunday I had a really encouraging experience. I went to church by myself and I sat with my friend Debbie. She was the first friend I made at LOJ and she always takes time to say Hi to me and ask how I am doing which means so much. So I got to sit with her and church which was fun. Then I ran into a lady that I had met through the prayer team. She is on the prayer team and I had gone up for prayer about a job that I had applied to that I really wanted. She remembered praying for me about that job. I told her that I didn't get it and that I was just waiting for the next thing to come. She assured me that God would open the right door at the right time and that she had felt that the job that I wanted may not be the right opportunity for me. I was encouraged that she remembered me and that she was encouraging me to hang on and keep going until the right thing did come along. Right now my life is a waiting period. I have exhausted all of myself, which I have learned is a part of the process. I have no leads and I have no more plans. I used to think that this was a bad thing but I have learned that it is a trust exercise between me and the Lord. I have to exhaust all of me to learn that it is only through leaning on and relying on and trusting in Him that I will get to where I need to be. Joseph Prince, a pastor in Singapore, says that you have to rest if you want God to work. I admit that that sounded strange the first time that I heard it. But I have come to realize that it's true. We can't really give God all the glory if there is some ounce of us saying that we contributed too. I have also heard several ministers say that the more desperate the situtation becomes the greater work that God has in store for you. This saying both scares and excites me. Scary because I have so many loose ends and a lot of things that I could worry about and fret over and exciting because I believe that there will be a big move on my behalf from God. So in the meantime while I am waiting for the door to open I have to have a good attitude, think positive, trust in the Lord, and maintain a vision of good things happening in the future. I believe that things are getting better and that I will get to where I need to be. I also know that I have many things about myself that need to change and that I need to be actively working on those things as well and not get mad at myself if I don't get them all accomplished at once because it takes time to develop these things. But I am thankful that I am not where I was last year at this time and I am thankful that I am not where I was 9 months ago when I moved to NJ. It's all a process and I am thankful to have gone through this process and also awaiting the end to this particular stage of the process. It is no fun to be broke, unable to do things you enjoy and not know where you are headed but the comfort is knowing that I will end up exactly where I need to be because God knows all of these things and cares about them as they relate to me even more than I care about them.