The End or The Beginning

Well there are only two days left in 2011 and only 7 days left of my twenties. It's always bittersweet to move on from somewhere you have been comfortable with for a while. I have been comfortable for most of my twenties and with the exception of the last few years enjoyed them very much. But I think more than anything it was a time of learning. I was still becoming who I am meant to be, learning about my limitations as well as my abilities. So the decade that has been my twenties is over essentially and I am moving on to the next decade: the 30s! Yikes! It's even weird to say or type that 3-0. But I truly believe that it is going to be a great time in my life. I believe that part of the last few years has been preparation exactly for this moment. I think I posted recently about how I looked up the Biblical meaning of 30 and it said "the right moment" or a time of "dedication". I really believe that 30 will be that right moment for me. I believe that I will start seeing things come together that I have not been able to over the past few years and I believe that when they do come together that they will be better than what I can even imagine. It's been hard to imagine good coming out of any of the circumstances that I have been through but I really do believe that things are going to turn around and things that I have been through will be knowledge or strength that I can draw on for the future. I greatly desire to know what God's plan is for my life. I believe that there is a task, assignment, or goal that He has given each of us to fulfill while we are here on earth. Sometimes we miss it because we're looking for something bigger or more important than what He may have assigned us. But I can truly say that at this moment I have no idea at all what it is that I am supposed to do. I know what I would like to do and what I would have liked to have been doing the last 4 years but that hasn't happened. So I really am hoping that in 2012 that I find out what exactly I am here for. I also want to leave Charlotte. If you've read my previous blogs then you know how much I do not want to be here. But even with that there may be something here for me to do that I just haven't been made aware of yet. I guess I wouldn't mind being here if I had a purpose here. Earlier this year my pastor in New Jersey, Pastor Jason, was saying that until you know what your purpose is your life seems difficult to get inspired or excited about because you don't know what you're here for. I feel like that constantly. I love my little children at tutoring but I know that tutoring is not what I am here on earth for. But Pastor Jason spoke about how it was hard for him to face each day before he knew what his purpose was. I drew encouragement from that because to me it said that at one point in his life he didn't know what his purpose was but eventually the Lord revealed it to him. So I am hoping that in 2012 that the Lord will reveal to me what His purpose is for me and hopefully it isn't in Charlotte! But even if it is I know I'll be okay.

Leaving 2011 is a little difficult as well. I had very high hopes at the beginning of this year. I went to my New Jersey church's three day revival and I fasted and prayed and I believed that things were going to get better and change. And I guess they did but not in the way that I wanted them to. I was hoping that I would get a full time job in New York, save up for a couple of months and then move. Then I had to come to North Carolina and help my mom in March. March came and went and I ended up being here through the summer which I wanted because I wanted to be here when my cousin had her baby, I wanted to go to my family reunion, and I wanted to go to my aunt's 50th birthday. So I was content to stay through the summer to be able to do those things. And honestly the accommodations in Charlotte are much better than New Jersey, I have my own bed, bedroom, and bathroom which I didn't have in New Jersey. But I was planning on getting another job that I had applied for in New York in August and had hopes of packing up once again and moving to NYC. But it didn't happen. I applied and I didn't even get confirmation that they got my resume. Then I tried to contact them to see if they got my resume or if they had already hired someone and I didn't hear anything back again. It was just so discouraging that time after time there was no call, no email, or letter saying anything. So then I applied for the tutoring position which I wasn't expecting to get but did. And it's a hard job even though it's not a lot of pay or hours but I enjoy spending time with those kids and I enjoy helping them in whatever way that I can. So the difficulty in leaving 2011 is that at the start of the year I was enthused with hope that it would be a different year than 2010. 2010 was rough by all accounts but I was hoping for getting a little farther in 2011. But you know it is what it is. I have lived through it and all I can do is hope that it gets better next year than it has been the last 2 years. So I had hoped that at the end of this year there would be much more to talk about and that there would be much more that had happened but nothing really happened this year. I did get to spend more time with my family which was great. I got to see my Madison relatives twice this year and I got to see my aunts, uncles and cousins more than I normally do in a year and I got a lot of reading done with all the "free" time that I had. So things were accomplished just not liked I had planned. But I'm ready to leave it behind.

I'm excited for the start of the new year and I am excited about turning 30. I believe that it's going to be a good year and I believe that my thirties are going to be a good decade for me and that all those things I had hoped would happen in 2010 and 2011 will happen this year. So even though my twenties are ending and 2011 is ending it's the beginning to a new year and a new decade and that is something to be excited about!

3 Days to Go

Can you believe that December only has three days left in it? I can't. But it's funny because about the week before Thanksgiving I kind of told myself to take in the holidays because they were going to move really quickly. And I must say that it has helped. I have tried to relish the moments leading up to and during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. I enjoyed each day immensely. Thanksgiving was in NYC, my most favorite city and Christmas was in Charlotte with the added bonus of going to church and celebrating with the church family. I have really enjoyed this time of year and I can't say that I am ready for the new year but I am looking forward to it with anticipation. I really am hoping that this is THE year that it all comes together. I have been saying that for the last three years possibly even four but I really do believe that 2012 will be different. I believe that this year is going to be a year of favor for God's people and that breakthroughs and changes in circumstances are going to be taking place. The last few years have been very sobering for me because I took a lot of things and people for granted and it wasn't until I was down and out that realized it. But I think that truly what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I definitely didn't feel like I was going to make it sometimes but I'm still here. I have more strength and resolve now than I ever have. I also have more of an understanding of what my priorities are whereas before I was more about satisfying whatever momentary craving I had, but now I realize that those things that I placed an emphasis on before were not that important at all. But it is nice to have understanding and clarity now at the end of that season of my life and know that I won't repeat the same mistakes or find myself in the same situations again because I'll be able to spot those patterns and behaviors that led me down that rough road. I remember hearing Joyce Meyer teach about tests and trials. She said that she and Dave had had problems in different areas of their lives and they prayed about it and handed it over to the Lord and although the Lord is very capable of removing the things that burden us and hurt us sometimes it is for our benefit. Instead of removing us from the situation and rescuing us He walks with us through it to teach and guide us so that we learn from it and know that He is with us even when we go through difficult times. And most importantly when you are up against a wall and have no one else to turn to that is usually when you turn to God for help. And if you put your relationship with Him first and trust Him and follow his principles and commands you most likely won't end up in the same kind of situation again. It's a full circle moment when you come to that realization and understanding and it is hard to turn back from that. I read an Oswald Chambers devotion this past week that talked about how we wrestle with problems before God but it is up to us to wrestle with it and then allow what God has said to settle it. Often we don't wrestle with things before Him and we try to solve it in and of our own strength in the natural and we will learn quickly or eventually that we do not have the strength to do it. But when we wrestle before Him with it and come to the decision to trust Him with whatever it is we're wrestling with then He will guide us and help us. Also we will come to a crossroads or a point of no return where we either trust Him and become more devoted to Him or we become dull, lazy, and of no use to Him. But the choice is ours to make. So I feel that in my own life that I was at a point building up to that crossroads, then I was at that crossroads, and now I hope that I am of use to Him. I have bad days like anybody else but I hope to be pleasing to the Lord and to do His will. So I am hoping that in 2012 I learn what His will for me is and that I am able to begin doing that. I think it's going to be a fantastic journey!

Hair Update

In late November I started using Miss Jessie's Curly Meringue. Before using it I thought that it was a product for women with fine hair or somewhat already curly hair who did not need much help in curlyfying their hair, however, that is not the case. Although I do have fine hair strands the type is still 4b. But I have found that Curly Meringue works so well on my twist outs. I get soft, shiny, bouncy, curls that become even bouncier and shinier as I maintain them in a twist out. I have been able to get up to 9 days of wear for every time that I wash my hair which means that I only have to go through the washing process about three times a month which is awesome. I really like Curly Meringue as a product. I have not tried it on a wash and go yet because I really like the twist out style that I recently began to wear but I plan to compare the results that I am getting with the Curly Meringue to the results that I get when I run out of it and finish the Curly Pudding that I have. I know a lot of people complain about Miss Jessie's products because their products are not all natural and they are expensive but I really don't mind either of those things because it works. Where the not all natural is concerned I am not sure that I would be able to find a natural product that could provide me with the results that Miss Jessie's does and even if it could I doubt that it would be less than Miss Jessie's. As far as the price of Miss Jessie's products I think that it is far cheaper to use products that last for several months to do my hair myself rather than visiting a salon and paying someone else to do my hair and put harsh chemicals in my hair. I have not noticed that the Miss Jessie's products have caused any damage to my hair. I also have experienced growth over the last two months since I cut my hair and as I mentioned before I only use the Curly Buttercreme on my hair every other day and not on the roots. So I think there are ways of using these products in a way that is effective and can provide positive benefits for your hair. Besides you have to be free to do you. You have the right to put in your hair what you want to put in it and pay what you want for those products that you choose. If I found something that was natural and cost less than Miss Jessie's and gave me the exact same results then I probably would switch but until that day comes I am sticking with what I know.

Christmas Eve

Happy Christmas Eve! Can you believe it? I can't! I am so happy that it's already here but it seems like it came too fast. This whole month and year have just flown by. But you know I guess that's why you have to live in the moment. Today's Christmas Eve was a little different for me. I spent it in bed most of the morning with a stuffy nose and a headache. I recovered enough to read through several articles on Madame Noire . I found a really good article on essential oils and which oils are best for which kind of care. It was very informative and I hope to be able to order some essential oils to use on my hair. The easiest one to get right now is tea tree oil which I am looking forward to using to help with my dry scalp. But after the fun of Internet surfing I had to get to work. My grandmother was coming to eat dinner and spend the night and Mom had put me in charge of dinner. Then I also had to prepare my contribution to tomorrow's Christmas dinner, Paula Deen's Aunt Peggy's Sweet Potato Souffle. I had made it once before and it turned out okay but not great so I was writing tips to myself on how to improve that as well. I got down to the kitchen and for dinner made chicken fettucine with broccoli. I had made that before too but not as well as I made it tonight. The chicken and the sauce turned out so much better than before and I was glad about it. Then after the fettucine was done I cooked my souffle. I also did much better at it too. So the majority of the day I was kind of idle not doing much and then for 3 hours I was in the kitchen cooking. But it was so fun! I have enjoyed getting to try new recipes and I received compliments from my family on both the fettucine and the souffle. My mom, grandma, and I taste tested the souffle to make sure that there was a proper amount of cinnamon and brown sugar before the topping went on it and baked. Thanks Paula Deen and Aunt Peggy! Tonight we ate dinner and watched The Nativity which was really good. I hadn't seen it before but it was really well done. So we're getting ready to go to sleep and then head to church in the morning. I still can't believe tomorrow is Christmas!

Time is Flying

Where has 2011 gone. There are only 10 days left! I am looking forward to 2012 but I just can't believe how fast this year has gone. I think one reason I am trying to hold on is because I had really hoped to accomplish some things this year and I feel like I didn't accomplish anything this year. I just kind of maintained and lived day to day but didn't really feel like I was doing anything significant. But I guess some years are like that. Last year was a year of uncertainty, upheaval and change and so was this year. I was hoping this would be the year of the beginning of stability in my life but it hasn't happened and it looks unlikely to occur by a week from Sunday. Also there is the impending 30th birthday that I will be celebrating in the early days of the new year. I was really hoping to end 29 on a high note. But I'm just glad to be alive. I suppose that is the high note. Silver lining! But oh well it's just time to leave this decade behind and hope for better things in the next one. Also another thing that I am noticing is that the time is just moving so quickly. We just finished decorating our tree, I know we're late, and I have been listening to Christmas music to get into the holiday mood but it just seems like it is all flowing by so quickly. I can't believe that it's already Christmas Eve eve. And then Sunday will be Christmas and then it will be over. It seems like Christmas used to take a long time to come even when you were already in the month of December. Now it's like I'm in a coma until after New Year's and I feel like Christmas just flew past me. But I suppose that's why it is important to savor the moments that you can and enjoy the time that you have to spend with family and friends because you really can't go back. I'm excited for Christmas and I am really excited that it's on a Sunday so we get to go to church and spend some time with our church family. I'm really looking forward to the day. Last year a life long Christmas wish for a true white Christmas was realized when it snowed Christmas day and the next day. It was so beautiful and there was so much snow I hardly believed I was still in Charlotte. It reminded me of Connecticut or Vermont. It was just beautiful and since there was so much and we are Southerners after all everyone was confined to their houses to look at snow, nap eat, and watch movies. It was awesome! But I am looking forward to this year's Christmas too and just being with the people who are near and dear to my heart!

Another Great Product from Shea Moisture

Today I got another Shea Mositure product. I probably need to just buy stock in the company. But over the last two months I have had problems with breakouts. It's not unusual for my skin to become used to a product and then over time that product stops working as well as it once did on my skin. For the past 3 years I have been using Olay 7 Effects Cream Cleanser with Salycilic Acid. It had worked well throughout that time but for some reason I have been getting bad breakouts. I think it could be because I wear my hair around my face more than I have in the past and also the fact that I have been stressed out at times. Whatever the reason the cleanser was not working for me as well as it once did. So I read up on African black soap which is apparently useful for acne prone/problem skin. I read some reviews and some blog posts about it and decided to try it out for myself. I haven't used a bar soap cleanser in a very long time so I was not sure what to expect. But the soap lathers very well. It also lathers white not black like I thought it might. Sometimes you can feel like there is a film on your skin after using soap but my skin did not feel that way at all with the black soap. It felt clean and refreshed. I made sure to follow up the soap with alcohol free toner and some Ambi Even and Clear Moisturizing lotion. So I am excited to use this soap over the next month or so and see what happens. I am hoping that I will have fewer breakouts and even skin tone with tighter pores and less dark spots. I've heard that this soap provides all of those benefits. I will report back in a month!

Hair Update

Product Review of Shea Moisture Organic African Black Soap Deep Cleansing Shampoo

The last time I washed my hair I had to use a sulfate shampoo because the previous time I had used a sulfate free shampoo and it didn't get out all of the Curly Buttercreme and Curly Pudding that had been in my hair. So I thought that there must be a way to cleanse my hair without having to use a sulfate shampoo each time I wash my hair. Enter Shea Moisture Organic African Black Soap Deep Cleansing Shampoo. I had considered using this shampoo several months ago but was happy with what I had and decided not to get it. Since I have started doing twist outs and have used a product with mineral oil, lanolin, and petroleum I need my hair to be cleaned with a stronger shampoo. So I went to YouTube and looked at some of the reviews for this shampoo and the good ones (videos) that I saw gave it a good recommendation with the exception that it was drying.

So I went and got some in order to try it for this week's shampoo. I washed my hair in two sections split down the middle and then I rinsed and washed again. My hair felt literally squeaky clean. It had stripped all the dirt, oil, and leftover product out of my hair. It does not detangle so it will not help with that. But it cleans so well. And I am so excited to have a shampoo that cleans like a sulfate shampoo but is sulfate free. The product contains willow bark extract, tea tree oil, African black soap, salicylic acid, vitamin e, Shea oil, jojoba oil, plantain extract, aloe vera leaf juice, and neem seed oil and that's not all of the ingredients. This is a wonderful cleansing shampoo. It feels good on my scalp as well. I feel like it has cleaned my scalp better than any of the other shampoos that I have tried using. I am so happy with this product!

Also I have finally tweaked (for now) my whole washing process. It went better today than I think it ever has. I washed my hair, twice, in the shower and then applied my conditioner after getting out of the shower. I made sure to really saturate my hair and applied the conditioner to my hair while it was split down the middle and applied extra to the ends. After placing a conditioning cap over it I let it sit for 15 minutes. I then detangled which was a breeze outside of the shower. I had much less breakage and tearing. I also detangled my hair in four sections splitting the two section on each side of my head into two. Then I rinsed my conditioned and detangled hair under the faucet with cold water. I then applied the deep conditioner to my hair in four sections as well adding extra to the ends. I covered with another conditioning cap and let it set for 30 minutes. Then I cold water rinsed again. I then put my hair back into the four sections and used claw clips to hold the front two sections while I worked with the back. I split the back in two and applied a dime amount of hair milk to each side. I then applied about a a quarter size of more of the curl enhancing smoothie as a leave-in conditioner but this time I rubbed it thouroughly between my palms to make it as smooth as possible before applying it to my hair and rubbed it into my hair until it was not visible. This was something that I had not been doing before and I think was the reason for the flaking of the curly pudding once it had dried. I did the same thing for the front two sections before separating out my bang and re-wetting my hair with a spray bottle, not soaking but damp. I then applied the curly meringue to each section and twisted it. And done!

Current Products I'm Using:

Shea Moisture Organic African Black Soap Deep Cleansing Shampoo (clarifying shampoo)
Shea Moisture Curl and Shine Shampoo (moisturizing shampoo)
TRESemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture Conditioner with Aloe Vera and Avocado
Shea Moisture Raw Shea Butter Deep Treatment Masque
Kera Care Natural Textures Hair Milk
Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie
Miss Jessie's Curly Meringue

Hair Update

The Results!!!! Last week I used Miss Jessie's Curly Meringue for the first time. I was skeptical about whether or not it could give me a good twist out. But a little over a week later my twist out is still soft and curly! I don't know if I would switch completely from Curly Pudding to Curly Meringue as my go to styler but I would definitely buy Curly Meringue again. What I have noticed is that the hold is much softer than Curly Pudding and that does make my roots, especially in the front, frizz up more but in return I get a lot of volume. So I fully expected having to wash my hair by this point because I didn't think that I would have any curls left at this point but my best hair days have been this week. And like I mentioned the hold is softer than with CP. Here are some pics! Unfortunately I still need a better camera...

Recovery

For the last week I have had a pretty bad head cold that I think I intercepted from some kids at tutoring. I had the sore throat, head congestion, cough, and body ache kind of cold. No fun! But I was okay by mid week even though I was feeling weak and finally today I am feeling much better. I usually have a cold or something once a year and I guess this past week was it. But it reminded me that I need to be taking more preventative measures to help my body combat cold germs and seasonal changes. When I was in grad school I got into vitamins. I was taking about 6 a day, vitamin C, fish oil, green tea extract, calcium, multi vitamin, and B12. I also did the Eat Right for Your Type Blood Type Diet and was exercising 6 days a week. I never felt better than I did during those months where I got really strict with myself and did all those things to help my body to function well. I know it is cliche for everyone to focus on health and fitness at the beginning of the new year but my focus is not so much on that as it is on wellness. I want my body to be healthy so that as I get older it functions well and I don't have to worry about occasional sickness or bad health. I'd like to be more health conscious in general. So I have been thinking about digging my blood type book out and also doing a cleanse at the start of the year to help get things off on the right foot. I know that cold and flu germs circulate and I have no control over that but I do want to help my immune system to be in pristine shape. I think that it is functioning well now but probably not as well as it could if I were to take better care of myself. So my new year's focus, I'm not going to call it a resolution, is to focus on all around wellness and helping myself to function better.

Hair Update

A few weeks ago I was able to take advantage of the Miss Jessie's Buy One Get One sale going on at Target until Dec. 17th. I decided to get one Curly Pudding and one Curly Meringue. I had never tried the Curly Meringue and had become more and more curious about how it would work with my hair type. So this past week I washed my hair with Super Slip Sudsy Shampoo (it was in need of cleansing), conditioned with TreSemme Naturals for about 15 min, deep conditioned with Shea Moisture and then applied Curly Meringue over my Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie and some curl milk. Curly Meringue is strongly scented like Curly Pudding but smells like...you guessed it meringue! It's lemony! I applied the Curly Meringue to the sections I part my hair in for its wash and gos but decided to do two strand twists on those sections instead. So I applied a generous amount of Curly Meringue to the sections and twisted it. I was worried that because it is a lighter hold that it would not provide as much hold as I needed. However, a day and a half after initially applying it I took the twists out and had the oingy boingy pogo stick curls that are described on the MJ website as a result of using the meringue. I had very well defined yet soft curls. They were a little too stiff for my liking but over the course of the day they relaxed some. The next day my hair was up all day in six twists. Then today I took those twists down and I had the best twists. Not better than that one time when I had those Sondra Huxtable curls with my first twist out but a very close second. I am interested in trying the Curly Meringue for a wash and go. I think it will do really well for those and probably be my go to summer product. I used a lot of product last time and I still came away with some frizz on the right side of my head but the right side is always challenging me. But I have to say that I like the product a lot more than I thought that I would and it is nice to know that there is another Miss Jessie's product that I can use. I think that I will probably make the twist out my fall winter style and the wash and go my summer style. In the summer I have to wash my hair more because of the heat and the wash and go is a lighter more carefree style for summer. So I am interested to see if I can get the same results with Curly Meringue in the summer and I hope that I do because I really do like it.

Final Countdown to 30!

Yikes! 30 sounds a little scary but I am ready. As I have already posted I am ready for the next decade of life. I have made it through my twenties (yay) and am hoping and praying that this next decade is the start of a better time in my life. I'm not where I had imagined and thought that I would be at this age and stage in my life but that's okay. I've learned that life does not always happen according to society's timetable. And the twenties were for learning, growing, developing into the person I need and want to be, and I am leaving older and wiser. That's a good thing. This whole year I have been thinking off and on about turning 30 and how it seems like a huge leap but really it's just a casual step across the line to a new time in my life. And I am excited to see where it goes. I had plans for where I would be at this time but those plans have been rearranged. Now I'm just excited for what's next in the journey. I am expecting 30 and the year 2012 to be a big year in my life and for changes for the better. It's so weird thinking about the year being 2012. I just went out and got my next year's calendar a little over a week ago. It was awesome because I have this type of planner that I really like and I hadn't been able to find it in stores but I looked it up online and was able to find the style and design that I wanted. I was planning to order it so that I would have it in time for the new year. The next day I went into Target because I needed some gum and to kill some time before tutoring. I didn't think Target would have the planner or the gum that I wanted but I went in anyway. I went to look at the planners and they had exactly four. They were all by the company that I liked but I didn't think that they had the design that I wanted. I looked through them all and then finally at the bottom was the exact one that I wanted. Then as I was going through the checkout they had the gum that I wanted too. It's the little things in life! But anyway, I went out to get my new planner and then was putting birthdays and days to remember into it and I just got to thinking about how quick and different the last year had been. I don't know if it's just the way the world is now or if it's because I'm older but time seems to be passing so quickly. And this year was very much like the year before for me but just in a different location. I'm still wondering where I belong and when I will know where I belong. I'm still waiting for the right opportunities to come along. I've tried creating them and I've tried going out and seizing them and they have not worked out. I've come to a point where I feel that I have given it my all and now I am waiting for divine intervention. I really am at the point of needing a miracle. But you know, I don't doubt that I will get one. I very much believe that I've not been forgotten and that God loves and cares for and about me and that in the end all the trials, pain, heartache and break, missed opportunities, and shattered dreams will be forgotten because God knows how to right wrongs and how to place us into right situations so that it's like we've never missed a beat. The past five days I've been fighting a horrible head cold. I got it from one of the little kids I tutor. I think it's been particularly bad because for much of the last year I've been isolated. I've been at home Monday through Saturday and just out maybe once or twice on the weekends. But even having this cold is a sign of change because a year ago I wouldn't have been around anyone to have gotten a cold from. It's a weird way to look at tutoring but I see it as a sign of change. And I really enjoy working with children. They remind you to have fun and to enjoy yourself and they're also a reminder that you only go around once. You can't go back to being a little kid and it really is such a wonderful time in life. It's so great to see them learning and growing and they have so much to share. So maybe as I approach 30 I'm being reminded of the fact that in the scheme of things there is still a lot of life to live and what's 4 year on the sidelines? Only a mere delay and nothing to be too worried or concerned over. I'm going to enjoy my last month of 29 and I am greatly looking forward to being 30!

Thanksgiving in Pictures

waiting for the parade to start

W 64th Street and Central Park West

Scotty McCreary

9/11 Memorial

Rockefeller Christmas Tree

Gearing Up for Thanksgiving

I can't believe that a week from right now Thanksgiving will essentially be over. We are already making plans for our journey north to New Jersey for Thanksgiving, which I am more than excited about. As I have mentioned I have always wanted to spend a Thanksgiving in New York, I may have been subconsciously influenced by Miracle on 34th Street. But I am so excited to be able to spend a holiday in NYC (my most favorite city) and to eat dinner at Sylvia's! Also I think my whole family is on board for the parade now which is awesome. I am hoping that we are all able to coordinate with each other to get to our destination early in the morning. We're aiming at staking out our parade watching spot at like 6 am. So we have to be ready. But I am looking forward to this event and really I have been looking forward to it for a long time. Two years ago my dad and I got a prepared Thanksgiving from Sylvia's to help my mom out and I was super excited that we were in New York on Thanksgiving Eve. I was just over the moon and was sad to leave. I knew at some point I would make it to New York for either Thanksgiving or Christmas but I just didn't know how or when. Ideally I was hoping that I would be working by now and would be able to be one of the fortunate ones to rent a hotel suite with a view of the parade route and watch from the comfort of an enclosed, warm room with a bathroom. But who knows maybe that will come next year. Right now I am looking forward to being decked out in my winter gear and set up in a camping chair. I can't wait!

Today I was listening to a message by my pastor's wife, Mrs. Marilyn Gool. She was talking about the need for Christians to have a Goshen Complex. She was talking about how the children of Israel were separated from the Egyptians during the little over 400 years that they were in Egypt. She was talking about how Goshen was functional for them because the Israelites were shepherds and the Egyptians detested shepherds and then it was also symbolic because when the plagues came on the Egyptians it did not touch the Israelites because God made a difference where the Israelites were concerned. She talked about how they killed a lamb and put the blood over their doorpost to signify that they belonged to the Lord. And she talked about how as Christians, we too must have it in our heads that we are different and that we are not of the world but we are different and that the Lord makes a difference between us and the world. Another thing that she said was that God knows what we need and what we like. She likened it to a mom who has the food that her kids like to eat already in the pantry or the fridge. She said that the mom doesn't have to go out and get it or search for it because she is already prepared for the children to ask for it and for her to be able to give it to them. She said God is the same way with us. He knows what we need before we ever arrive on earth and He knows what we'll ask for even after we get here. So we don't have to be worried or fearful that He won't supply it for us but we just have to believe that if we have asked then we will receive it, if it is His will for us to have it. Mrs. Gool talked about how she loves the ocean, she grew up in the Bahamas, and one time she needed to go to bed but she really wanted to enjoy the view more. The Lord told her to go to bed. From that she perceived that the Lord knew she liked the ocean and He had given her that time or opportunity to enjoy that view but that she didn't need to hold on to it like it was the last time because since God knew she liked the ocean she could be sure that He would give her plenty of opportunities to enjoy the ocean. I found that very encouraging because it made me believe that God knows that I like New York. It may not be His will that I live there but He knows how to get me back so I can enjoy it. The last time I was in New York was in July and I remember driving away from the city thinking that it could be the last time for a long time that I might see New York. Even when I lived close I didn't get there that often. I always relished having something to do that took me into New York. So I drew comfort from the fact that if God knows that Mrs. Gool loves the ocean and will provide ample experiences for her to get to the ocean then I believe that He will provide me ample visits to New York as well. And who knows it could be a part of His plan for me to live in New York. I've said for the last 7 years that I would take living in New York six months or even a year rather than not living there at all. I don't know if I'll get to live there but I expect great things to happen regardless. So I am really excited that the Lord has orchestrated the events of my 2011 Thanksgiving to happen in New York with my family, it's a great blessing. It also reminds of something I read in my Oswald Chambers devotional this week. Oswald Chambers was talking about how people normally look for God to show up in the big events of life and they "know" that it was Him that caused whatever events to happen. But Oswald encouraged the reader to not just look for God in the big events but also in the everyday mundane events of life as well not to think of them as happenstance or chance. I think of the New York 2011 Thanksgiving this way. It's not our normal, stress filled, mad dash to dinner time Thanksgiving that we've been accustomed to but it's a chance for us to enjoy time together, a chance to do something out of the ordinary that we've never done before, and a chance to enjoy a place that means something different to each of us. So I see that as the Lord providing an opportunity for my family to experience something new and enjoyable and I think it's wonderful that He has done so. 

Hair Update

Last week I achieved my own hair nirvana. I had been trying for loose, soft, wavy curls for awhile but I could not get them. Then I saw a tutorial on how to do the double strand twist and I also gave in and bought some Curly Buttercreme. All of a sudden my hair became exactly what I had hoped for. I was so excited. However, I was very much caught up in hair blog criticism about naturals not using natural products. I went on the quest for searching for and making lists of the products that I needed to get when I had run out of the things that I currently have. Then I had a revelation of the fact that just because some products may work for someonelse's hair does not mean that they will work on mine. And that if I achieved my hair nirvana with certain products then it was in my hair's best interest that I use those products so that I can continue to achieve the same look. I was a bit concerned because some of the products I was using had petroleum, lanolin, and mineral oil which have been labeled "no-nos" by the natural hair community. But I have not had hair that was as soft and manageable with products without those ingredients in them. So I made a decision that as long as my hair stays healthy I am going to keep using those products on my hair. I also decided to go back to my favorite conditioner, Creme de la Creme. There are a few products that are on my list to try but they are only to test to see if they work not a part of a quest to have an all natural, organic hair routine which had somehow become my quest before last week. I had felt a little guilty or less than for using products that got continuous frowny faces and negative comments on the blogosphere but I am glad that I have finally come to a peaceful decision about it and that I can accept it even if others might not. I'm growing my own two natural hair care feet to stand on. It feels good!

Words of Wisdom From Oswald Chambers

My Utmost for His Highest November 14

"We can all see God in exceptional things, but it requires the growth of spiritual discipline to see God in every detail. Never believe that the so-called random events of life are anything less than God's appointed order. Be ready to discover His divine designs anywhere and everywhere."

Back from Grandma's House

Last week I was by myself because mom was in Chicago. I thought I was going to have a relaxing week but instead it turned out to be the busiest week I have had in a long time. I had so much running around to do and I did way more driving last week than I normally do in two, but it was good. I had been growing tired of always being in the house and in the same surroundings so I had called my grandmother earlier in the week to see if I could come to her house on Friday. That was before my plans shifted and I ended up driving all over Charlotte during the week. I had some unexpected expenses last week so I had a low cash flow going on. But I thought about spending the night at my grandmother's house as a way to conserve what gas and cash I had. So I called to see if my plan would work with her and she said it was fine for me to spend the night. I drove down to her house which is about an hour and some away from our house on 1/4 tank of gas and thanks to God the gas hand didn't move! I got close to my grandmother's house where the gas is cheaper and was able to get enough to get to her house and then to get to the airport to get my mom the next day. I hadn't spent a night with my grandmother in a long time so I was really excited about spending the night. When I was little I used to go all the time and then as I got older I went less frequently but spent New Year's Eve and New Year's Day with her. So I got to my grandmother's and she was watching Good Times. I had become a fan of Good Times from watching it on a retro digital tv channel. I came in at the end of Good Times though. We were headed out the door when A Different World came on. I have been watching old episodes of A Different World on YouTube lately. These episodes take me back to Thursday nights during my childhood. I would watch The Cosby Show and A Different World and then my friends and I would talk about it on the playground. Memories! So we ended up staying to watch A Different World and it turned out to be the finale. I had not seen that episode in a long time but it was so good. After our A Different World episode we went to Courtney's. Courtney's is a bbq restaurant near Clover, SC. They make THE best bbq I have ever had in my life! And the BEST hushpuppies too. The hushpuppies are perfect! The bbq you can get pulled or chopped. They make their own sauce and they have red slaw too. For those non Southerners, red slaw is made from red cabbage and has a lot of vinegar in it rather than mayo and it is common in eastern North Carolina. It was so good. I got chopped bbq, red slaw, hushpuppies, and baked beans. Yum Yum! My grandmother got flounder. Whenever my parents and my grandmother and I go they always get fish instead of bbq. I think one time my mom got brisket but that was the only time. I don't understand how they could pass up such good bbq. But after dinner we went back to my grandmother's house where I tried to fix the cable reception on her TV. She hit a button and the TV picture became wavy and had lines. My mom does the same thing. I am not a handy person. The most I can do is tinker with something but we ended up trying out a new coaxial cable which didn't work. So we had to call Direct TV and make an appointment. But we had fun in spite of the wavy cable reception. She introduced me to the drama of the Braxton Family. Sometimes I am so glad I don't have cable anymore! But they were a mess. The next day I woke up late. My grandmother had already gotten up and burned some leaves! Country people aren't used to late mornings. The we went to the urgent care place where I got a physical for a job position last week. I had had to get a TB test and it had turned red and splotchy and I was hoping that I wouldn't have to get it again. But when I showed the doctor and nurse my arm they said I would have to come back and get another test. It's all the way in Gastonia which is not a short drive at all. But one thing that was funny was that I used my mom's GPS to get there just in case my grandmother didn't know where the street I needed to go was. The whole way she argued with and debated the way the GPS was taking us. My mom and my dad, my dad especially do the same thing. It was very hard to keep from laughing. But in spite of being in the country the GPS was able to get us to where we needed to go. After my failed TB test my grandmother and I went to Dairy Queen. I hadn't been there in a long time. We both got a hot dog and some ice cream. My grandmother got a pineapple nut sundae and I got an M&M blizzard. Yum Yum! So we had a really fun day. I went with her to CVS to pick up some medication and then a quick stop at Wal-Mart before we went back to her house. I had to leave to go get my mom at the airport. I hope that I can go back again and spend the night and stay for a weekend because I think we both had a lot of fun.

P.S.- I called about my TB test today and they said that the only way I can get the all clear is to get a chest X Ray. I had been told that I would have to just get another test but that's not the case. I had a devotional today from Oswald Chambers that talked about learning to see God in the big things as well as the small. So I am choosing to see this as a divine intervention and not a life interruption.

Purpose

"I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him." Oswald Chambers

Monday Morning Lessons

Woke up this morning feeling a little sleepy. It was a very long day yesterday and I had some things that needed to get done right away this morning. So I did the things that I needed to do and fortunately they all worked out. One of the things that had to be done was getting a reference from a friend of mine in D.C. for a position here in Charlotte doing substitute teaching. Fortunately my friend was extremely gracious and did all the things that I needed her to do. Then I received a call telling me that because everything was complete I could now go to the orientation that will be held on Wednesday. I had not honestly thought that all of this would happen so soon. I was thinking that it would be a little bit more drawn out. I'm glad to be able to pick up some work that will also allow me to be able to work around any opportunities at the museum as well. So it is a big blessing, however, I was feeling uneasy about it because the idea of having to be with a classroom of young children for a day scares me and then I still am at a loss for understanding why I am still in Charlotte and why my efforts to get out have failed.

So it was in the aftermath of this that I started my Bible study for the day. I started with Oswald Chambers. In the devotion for today Chambers' used Romans 8:28 one of my favorite verses. And he spoke about how, for the saint (Christian), there are circumstances that are orchestrated by God that they will not understand but what they must understand is that these circumstances are not chance. I really liked that and drew strength from that because I had been praying and wondering when I would have understanding about all these things that are going on in my life. I had wanted for things to go in one direction and they are going in a completely different direction. Something else that Chambers said was that often times we are being led into things that don't have anything to do with us. We are being used to help and intercede for others. Then in my devotional talked about John 1:1-18, which talks about Jesus being the light. The devotional likened the Christian being a reflection of God's light like crystals on a chandelier reflect light. The crystals are not the light on their own but they reflect it. I liked that a lot. I don't feel a majority of the time, if not all the time, that I am having any impact or making any significant contributions to anyone or anything. The most I accomplish in a day is dinner and that is not much. Because I haven't been working it has been very hard to feel needed, necessary, or validated. Joyce Meyer refers to it as "you who is not your do." She explains that what we do, whether it is our job, volunteering, being a parent, etc. does not define who we are and we shouldn't place all of our confidence in that. Which is a concept that I am still grasping. But back to Oswald, I think that what he was saying is that we don't always know what the purpose is to our being in a specific place at a specific time but the Holy Spirit does and just because where we are or what we're doing doesn't make sense to use doesn't mean that is is useless or unimportant. So that made me feel a little better. There must be a reason to all of this: why I'm here still, what I'm about to embark on, and why those other things that I have wanted have yet to take place. So I have to trust God and know, like Chambers says, that God has not put me in the circumstances I am in for no reason, they are not unnatural nor unique.  

Hair Update

Just call me Sondra Huxtable! Today was the first day that I had taken down my twists since last Monday. I originally did the two strand twists on last Saturday. I had been putting Jojoba oil on the ends each day and every other day I was putting on the Curly Buttercreme. So I made sure that my twists were maintained even while being under a cap most of the week. So I was interested to see what my hair looked like when I took it down to go to church this morning. I was really glad that all of my twists had made it through the week and when I took them down they were still spiraling. They were a little stiff at first but I put a little buttercreme on my finger tips and separated the twists into four separate twists and gave it a little shape. It was still looking stiff when I left the house but it looked okay. We got to church and had a great service. When we came out I looked in the mirror on the visor in my mom's car and too my surprise saw that my curls had become "inflated" in a good way. They were bouncy and framing my face. We had lunch and after lunch I went to the restroom and I saw my hair in the full mirror for the first time today. I was SO excited! I had the Sondra Huxtable curls I have been aiming for. I am so amazed that it took me this long to try the two stranded twists and to realize that it would yield the look that I was aiming for this whole time of being natural. And I couldn't believe that the longer my hair was in this style the better it would look. I still can't believe that I have achieved 7 day hair. I have read blogs where people have said they only wash their hair once or twice a month and I have wondered how in the world they do that. But with this style I could see being able to do that for myself. It is so exciting when you look in the mirror and know that you finally have the style of hair that you have been trying to achieve. I was so excited earlier this summer when I first got my hair care regimen together and got the products to help me get the look that I wanted but I wasn't fully satisfied with that look. I would get about 2 days of great hair before it just became a frizzy mess and I HAD to wash it. Also it took a lot of product to maintain that style. With the double strand twist I don't need the Moisture Mist or the Perfect Curl for maintenance, just the Curly Buttercreme and the jojoba oil. I was very hesitant about trying the two strand twist but now I am so glad that I did. I had kind of become bored with the style I had before and I wanted more length and curl definition which is exactly what I was able to achieve with the double strand twist. I have wanted my hair to look like this since I first went to the Royal Beauty Supply on 8th Street in SE D.C. I went in expecting to buy a couple of products and magically have instant curls. I didn't realize what I was getting myself into at the time, a natural hair journey. But I have to say that today was definitely a full circle moment for me because I have finally achieved what I have been trying to get to for so long. *SIGH* So happy! This week I'm getting my 6 week trim and I am going to not get any heat. I am just going to get my hair washed and trimmed.

Slouchy Beanie Quest

Over the last few weeks I have been on a quest to locate an olive green slouchy beanie. I have wanted this in order to protect my hair during the coming winter months and then also to use to shield my twists during those times when I have to run out once in a day and don't want to take my hair down for only a few hours. So I have been looking for a slouchy beanie in my favorite dark shade of green, olive (my favorite green is sage). I have seen some on the Internet but have not been able to locate where to purchase them. They are either being worn by celebrities or models and there is not information on where to purchase the beanie itself. Very frustrating! But this evening I went ahead and purchased a very cute tan and rainbow beanie by Mossimo at Target. I wasn't sure it would fit my head but it seems to be a great fit with the right styling. I also purchased a satin sleep cap to go underneath and protect my hair from the acrylic fibers of the hat, a tip that I learned from CurlyNikki. So now I have my beanie ready for the long trip to and from New Jersey in a few weeks and don't have to worry about actually doing my hair for the trip. I'm excited! Today I actually saw a couple of pictures of the beanie that I would like to have but the Urban Outfitters website link doesn't work and I think at the time Kaboodle posted the link they were having a sale. The hats no longer are coming up with a $9.99 price tag. Oh well, maybe I can find an olive beanie in Harlem on Thanksgiving!

Beanie I Have (tried it on with hoops!)

Beanie Color I Want

Beanie Style I Want

Not My Will

Today I did a really great devotional by Elisabeth Elliot. It was talking about Jesus praying in the garden at Gethsemane. Jesus prayed that the Father's will be done. He had asked that the cup being given to Him, the scourging and the crucifixion, be taken from Him. He knew it was going to be difficult and painful. And the Bible tells us that He was tempted just as men are but He did not sin. I believe Jesus probably felt fear in the garden. It says that He prayed so fervently that He began to sweat blood. I read an account of someone who said that is had been documented that some death row inmates right before execution have sweat blood. Obviously this happens under extreme stress. But Jesus submitted His will to the Father. Elisabeth Elliot was talking about how for a long time she had heard and had believed that we were to get rid of our will altogether, that we were simply not to have one. She said that over time she had learned that what was meant was that we are to exchange our will for God's will. He doesn't ask us to deny what we are going through or to simply be a robot and dismiss our feelings but He asks us to trust that His will is better for us. She said that often we are faced with going through something that we do not want to go through but it is God's will for us to do. She said we have to believe that what God is asking us to do now is going to help us to do something even better later.

I really needed that lesson and those words of encouragement today. I was faced with having to plan to do something that I do not want to do. I was upset when I heard the news of it because I really don't want to do the task itself and then it was just a reminder that I am, generally speaking, not doing what I want to do. But I was reminded by this devotional that that is part of being in God's will, accepting things we may not necessarily want to do, but being obedient and doing them anyway. I have to believe that if the Lord has opened this door that it is for a reason. It's not the door I was hoping for but it is an open door and I have to believe there is a purpose in His opening it. There is a purpose that I am hoping that He opened it for but it remains to be seen if that will happen. But nonetheless I have to do the Lord's will and not my own will. I have to exchange what I have asked and prayed for Him to do for what He is leading me to do now. I'm not excited or thrilled by that but I am hopeful at the possibility that this is for an outcome that will be exciting and thrilling.

Then in my short book by Pastor Gool, Don't Block the Blessings, I read a chapter called Remember God is With You. Pastor Gool simply just reaffirmed that fact with several scriptures. He said that God is with us in every trial and situation that we face. We're not alone. He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us. Pastor Gool used Hebrews 13:5,6 which says, "Let your manner of living be without covetousness, and be content with such things as ye have. For He hath said, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee'; so that we may boldly say, 'The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me." That was very encouraging to me as well. Often I feel very alone and I wish that I had a confidant or encourager. But I tend to forget that the God of the universe is ever present with me all the time. I still have to get over thinking that God is way up there and I am way down here. Instead I have to re-think that God is right beside me always and all the time.

I don't know how God is using the tasks that He has brought into my life. I never had considered doing the things I am doing before and had avoided them when others had mentioned them in the past. But thankfully I have this opportunity to do them and I believe that they will help me to get to where I want to be and to do what I would like to do in the future. But then again it's not my will but the Lord's that will be done.

Rabbit Jumping...I LOVE It!

I miss my bunnies!

Time On My Hands

This week is flying by quickly. It has not been a busy week for me at all. I have been home this week with not much going on. My mom works from 8-8 most days and then I see her for about an hour and a half in the evening before I am by myself again. I long to be busy doing something. I have the Internet but it can only provide so much companionship before I am bored again. This time I have had this week has just reinforced how much I just want "out". I want to be out of this house and out of this city/town so badly. I want and long to be somewhere where there is more going on, more to do, and more to see. Charlotte is just not it. The news is boring, the city is boring, and yes, the people are boring. Things move at such a slow pace it is aggravating. I do have things to look forward to though. Thanksgiving in NYC, that's exciting. Then there's Christmas in a month and some. Then there's New Year's. And then my birthday!!!! I'm really excited because today I reserved my hotel suite in Savannah at the Mansion on Forsyth Park. I'm so excited about this trip! I'm going to drive down to Savannah on my birthday and then on Saturday I am going to sight see and have fun around the city before going to The Lady and Sons!!! That's right my birthday dinner is going to be at Paula Deen's restaurant! I can't way. I start salivating just looking at the menu online. The food looks perfectly cooked of course and I just can't wait to try her signature dishes. I also found a cute cafe for brunch the next day, a bakery called Goose Feathers which was voted as one of the best places for brunch by Southern Living magazine. If you haven't guessed much of this trip is focused on my foodie dreams coming true. I am so excited for Savannah. I haven't been there in a long time and many of the places and restaurants I'm going to are going to be first time experiences for me. So there are several occasions I am looking forward to coming up in the next months. But it is very hard to live in the in between times when nothing is going on and day after day seems the same. I know I have to look beyond the day to day and know that there is more that will be going on at some point than what a typical day holds right now. But sometimes it is just very difficult to see that far into the future. When you're in it, it seems like it is going to last forever.  Today I was reading in Pastor Gools short book Don't Block the Blessings. The chapter I read today talked about how when you are going through something it is never as big as it seems. Meaning the problems or circumstances may seem insumountable but they are not. He explains with God on your side there should not be a reason for you to feel like things can't change. God can make the impossible possible so you have to believe that He will come through for you and help you no matter how long it takes. He also talked about how when you have negative thoughts and feelings and your self is talking to you about defeat you have to talk back and let your self know that you are not going to be defeated. It was good advice. I need to be sure to use it too because at times my reality of where I am and what has been going on and has not been going on in my life is just overwhelming and too much to take and I feel too far down to make it back up again. But then I have to encourage myself and remind myself that I can make it and that this is only a season and that seasons change. It won't be like this forever. It is hard when you feel like there is a way out and then it doesn't work out. I have lived through that more times than I care to recount. Over the last few years I have had those moments when I was waiting on a job response or had an interview and had gotten my hopes up to think that this might be it and I might be on my way and then it didn't work out and my hopes and confidence were just dashed. I went through that big time in August of last year and August of this year and it was so painful. But two things have come to remind me to keep hoping. Just recently I read the story of Joseph in the Bible. Joseph was sold my his brothers to traders, then became a servant in a private household, was accused of rape and jailed, and then when it looked like he might get out was forgotten. Joseph had helped the baker and the cupbearer and asked that they remember him when they got out. Instead it would be two more years until he would be remembered by the cupbearer. Last year I read this book called God Meant It For Good which is an analysis of the story of Joseph and how we should respond to hard times. The author spoke about how Joseph had put his confidence in people instead of God because he was trying to help himself out of a bad situation. The author said he believed that Joseph spent those two additional years in prison because he needed to learn to trust God only. Joseph's story was a great reminder that there are situations that come in life that you cannot help yourself out of. You have to wait and be patient to witness the Lord's hand move on your behalf. The other great reminder to keep believing that good will come came from Ezekiel 37. Last year at my church in New Jersey we had several ministers come fairly close together and present messages on this specific chapter. This chapter speaks about Ezekiel in the Valley of the Dry Bones. Ezekiel was transported in the Spirit to a desert valley that was filled with dry bones. The Lord asked him if the bones could live and he told the Lord that He could make them live. So the Lord told Ezekiel to prophesy to the bones and he did. Then Ezekiel saw the bones re-connecting to each other and being covered with muscle and flesh. The verse is speaking specifically about the reformation of the nation of Israel after their exile but it can apply as well to those things in our lives that seem as if they are as good as dead i.e. relationships, dreams, finances etc. I was also reminded about this past Easter when my pastor's wife in New Jersey prayed for people who needed a resurrection of their hopes and dreams. She was praying for people who had been praying for something for a long time and believing for something for a long time only to see any hope of it coming to pass fading away before their very eyes. Needless to say I went up for prayer. Shortly after that I read the same thing in a short book by Marilyn Hickey and her daughter, Sarah Bowling. Marilyn used the same phrase "resurrection" to refer to dreams, hopes and goals that we have that seem to disappear. She talked about how sometimes we have to be willing to give those things over to the Lord until it seems like they are gone forever so that the Lord can resurrect them and do with them what seems impossible, resurrecting them to become reality. When I say I can't wait until this happens in my life you cannot possibly comprehend how much I mean it. I am ready for a change. I am ready to see the dry bones of my life coming back together. I am ready to experience the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. I really don't want to experience the same old, same old of everyday life or the same kind of year that I had last year and have had this past year. I want newness, change, restoration of my hopes and dreams, just a very different life than what I have experienced these past few years. I really believe that 2012 will be different. I really do. I read through the two posts that I had in October of last year and in those posts I was really hopeful that a year later my life would be different and a year later it is different but not in the way that I expected or really wanted. The previous October I had fled from DC to NJ after the promise of a permanent job fell through, the previous October I was recovering from not getting a job in New York that I desperately wanted. I really am hoping that the future October of 2012 proves to be different than these past Octobers and I know that I will have to keep pumping myself up even if I get deflated daily. I think I have reached that point that Joseph probably got to in prison where he realized that no one around him and not even he could change things. He realized that he needed a miracle and that was the only way he was going to get out of his situation. And he probably realized that the only one who could provide the miracle that he needed was God and he just had to resign himself to wait for God to let him know the time was right for him to be released and for his purpose to be fulfilled. I wonder what he was doing that day when someone from Pharoah's court came and said that they needed him right away. I wonder if he thought to himself that this might be another false alarm before realizing that he was on the cusp of freedom. I wonder what that day will be like for me. I am so encouraged by Joseph's story and seeing that one day he was in prison and less than 24 hours later he was second to Pharoah himself. He didn't have to take remedial classes on administration or get his resume together, it just all fell into place. And only God can do that. I expect that kind of quickness in my own situation. I believe it will change so quickly that I won't have time to really even know that it is happening until after the fact.  

Curly Girl Style Guides (from MSN)

Get the Au Naturel Curly-Haired Look
One thing to remember about born-with-'em curls like Alicia Keys': The less you do to them, the better they look. After washing, apply a lightweight leave-in conditioner to damp hair, then comb it through with a wide-tooth comb. Once your hair is dry, hands off. "The more you touch it while it's dry, the more frizz you're going to get," says Mahisha Dellinger, founder of Curls hair-care line. Another cause of the frizzies: dryness. To prevent it, don't wash your hair every day. "If you're using a sulfate-based shampoo, wash your hair one to two times a week max. If you're using a sulfate-free cleanser, you can wash every other day if needed," says Dellinger.



Curly Hair Idea: Half-Up, Half-Down Curls

Is Jordin Sparks smiling because her hair took only two minutes to style? We don't know for sure, but we're positive any curly-haired woman can pull off this low-maintenance 'do. Another big plus: It doesn't hide your face!

Curly Hair Idea: Get the Half-Up, Half-Down Curly-Haired Look
To DIY, just grab the top half of your hair and pull it back as you smooth it with your hands. Secure it with a barrette or an elastic that matches your hair color. For boing-y curls like Tracee Ellis Ross's, apply a definer to damp hair and twirl sections around your fingers while you diffuse it. To protect curls while you're sleeping, use a satin pillowcase. "Cotton sheets can rob the hair of moisture," says Dellinger.

Last Night

Yesterday of course was Halloween. The last time I celebrated or participated in Halloween was when I was 3 years old. We stopped celebrating it because we didn't feel that we should be participating in it because of our beliefs. I have usually avoided any Halloween celebrations or trick or treaters in the past years wherever I have lived. But this year I got to see what happens in the suburbs on Halloween. My mom left a note that she would be home by 6:30 so we could go to a movie and avoid the neighborhood converging on our house. I instantly thought that that time was going to be too late to avoid them. But I thought that maybe my mom knew what she was doing since she had been here longer than me. However, around 5:30 kids started making their way around to the houses. I watched as one group of kids scouted out our neighbor's home across the street and instantly ran up his front steps two minutes after he got home. I think I was also astounded at how many children we have in this neighborhood. They were coming from everywhere. There are probably about 30 or 40 kids in the houses on our street alone but then their are probably that many on each street on the opposite side of us too. They looked like a swarm. So my mom got home at 6:40 and pleaded with me to get outside as quickly as possible. I was not ready for the scene that met me when I came out. There were parents, children, and wagons all around. The sidewalks were full and the street was full. This neighborhood resembles nothing like what I grew up in. In my old neighborhood you might see a handful of kids on Halloween but nothing to the degree of this neighborhood. I find it kind of comical that for my mom and dad's retirement home they have chosen a street and a neighborhood that will have kids in it for at least the next 20 years, a fact that is none too pleasing to my mother who frequently yells at small children to get out of her yard and her driveway a la old man style. It's really hilarious to me. But I hurried to the car so that mom and I could make our great escape as quickly as possible. I found it very funny that there was no quick escape to me made. Instead it reminded me of when infamous people are being escorted to or from prison. There were people on every side of our car and we were moving so slow that they could peek in. There were parents in the street who were giving my mom the evil eye for driving through a street filled with children as well as probably denying them an extra fun size Snickers. It was horrible. I know my face was bright red. I haven't made any friends in the neighborhood, not because I am not friendly but because I don't intend to live here long enough to make friends with anyone. My mom's best friend lives down the street from her but other than her she hasn't presented herself as friendly either. The people in the neighborhood are very friendly whenever you drive by but I guess it made me uncomfortable that the whole neighborhood was witnessing our flight. I thought to myself, " I hope our house doesn't get egged or toilet papered!" Fortunately it didn't. When we got back the neighborhood was asleep and there were a group of guys watching football on a projector on their garage door. There was not even a hint of the scene from earlier in the evening. I thought it was just so hilarious all this hoopla going on earlier and then it just died down. I think the neighborhood is great and if I had a family with small children I would probably want to live here because it is so kid friendly and people make an effort to involve all the neighborhood kids in activities. It's the kind of neighborhood that I wish I had grown up in. But I am more and more convinced by the day that I belong in a cosmopolitan, urban area. It is just not my style living out here in the suburbs. Not that I see myself ever living in downtown/uptown Charlotte but just this area in general.

 I read something by Oswald Chambers a week or so ago where he was talking about how you should never say that where you are is not working out until you know where you are meant to be. I thought that was very clever and a good reminder. Charlotte was never on my game plan at all. I never intended to live or stay here except twice a year on holidays. And I can't really say that Charlotte isn't working out for me because I am not entirely sure of what my purpose in being here is. I think Charlotte is just a place to find some rest. Last year was very difficult in terms of my living arrangements because I was sleeping on a sectional sofa that slid apart all the time and gave me back trouble. And then I was living in the living room of a one bedroom apartment which didn't give me very much privacy at all. While I'm here I have my own room and my own bathroom too. So maybe Charlotte is providing me what I need right now, so maybe it is doing its job and I shouldn't complain or gripe about that. Also I really do feel like Charlotte is not the last stop on my itinerary. I don't know where I belong yet, I know where I would like to be but I have not had a revelation of where that is to be. So I think consciously and unconsciously I am not trying to like Charlotte or form any new connection to it because I may have to leave it soon. I was very unprepared earlier this year when I had to come here. I was just starting to get settled into New Jersey. I had friends there, I was involved with my church, and I really felt that I would soon find a job there. I really didn't want to come here and I never imagined when I boarded my flight that I would still be here through the summer, fall and winter. I want to go back to the tri-state area but I don't want for things to be the same. I really want my own space and my own life there. I think part of me is scared that I am going to have to stay in North Carolina indefinitely and abandoned my dreams of getting out of here. Some days I feel that way and then other days I feel like there will be a way out and I just have to keep believing that I will get to where I want to be. I go back and forth all the time. I just feel so bored here. I want to do something, I want to go places, and I want to be excited about my life. I don't feel that here. It's very routine here and day after day seems like more of the same old boring. I guess in some way last night was a reminder of that as I rode through the swarms of children with my mother. I just felt out of place and uncomfortable but I think I feel that way most of the time.