The Call

In December I watched a documentary called The Call. It was about young people in seminary studying to become the next generation of leaders in their individual religions. The documentary followed an imam, a rabbi, and an AME minister. Each of them faced different challenges as they pursued their call into the ministry. Some of the challenges were personal others were professional. They had to constantly assure themselves that they were doing the right thing with their lives because there were people who were constantly questioning them. At the end of the documentary the directors spoke to several people about their own call. What do they feel they are called to do? Many people had a defining moment of when they absolutely knew that they had to do something whether it was counseling, playing music, or working for a social justice cause. They all just knew instantly that it was what they wanted to do.

Over the last two weeks the word "call" has been working its way into daily Bible study and some of my devotions. The call of Samuel, the call of Moses, and the call of Samuel. When God called them these men answered "Here I am." They were called to things they most likely never imagined that they would do. But the focus of these men's lives was to be available to whatever they were called to do. I have read several times that God looks for availability not ability. It's whether you're willing to abandon, possibly, what you thought you were meant to do or wanted to do to do what you are called to do.

I have had this conversation within my mind many times. For so long I thought I was answering the call of my life by pursuing museums. I love museums and I love curatorial work. It's fulfilling and satisfying and rewarding for me. But my path took a turn and I have no idea what is going on with me now. Will I get back to being in museums? I think so. Is museum work really what I am called by God to do? I'm not sure yet. Sometimes we are so sure of the things we want and we are determined and steadfastly devoted to pursuing it at all cost. I believe that I have been here and am still here. But for some reason our efforts don't work out. I am here and accepting that I am here has been a process. But the true test I think of whether you are called for something is that you keep pursuing it even when these things have happened because you would rather die trying to obtain the dream than to give up on it altogether. Unless the Lord tells me to do something else I am 100% motivated to get back to working in museums. It's what I have wanted to do and have worked to be able to do for almost a decade, so almost a third of my life. And I have good ideas, I've had great experiences, and I want to affect the future of this profession for good.

Today I was reading in my JM book Never Give Up about one of the personal obstacles we have to face when we are going through a trial is jealousy. Sometimes it seems as if other people do not have to face all the trials that we face in order to do what they want to do, they effortlessly or seamlessly get to do whatever they want and to those struggling it is maddening and frustrating. But we all learn and grow differently and when we see other people having their successes or accomplishing their dreams we have to just trust and believe that it will happen for us too even if it takes us longer. I have had to have many talks with myself about just looking straight ahead and not focusing on anyone else's life but mine in the sense that I am happy for them having what they want but if I look too long it will just bring up all those feelings of how frustrated I am in the path that I am having to walk. So you have to just keep going and keep focusing on your goal. It was nice to read that someone else had those same feelings and had gone through that and made it through that as well. I really felt and feel sometimes that I am the only one in the world going through something like this but I know better than that. Even if I don't know the people specifically I at least know that there are other people struggling with this same type of situation. I find solice in that.

So we are all called to a purpose in life. And whether we answer is up to us. Sometimes it comes in a not so hard to accept way and sometimes it comes in a hard to accept way. But we have the choice of going through it whether it is or isn't difficult. So when the call is issued my prayer is that I too can answer "Here I am."