I realize that my blogging has not gotten any better but I have had really good reasons for being off the radar. I developed another head cold last week and I was trying to only be online when I had to and was asleep the rest of the time. But I also had some awesome things happen that were far away from the Internet. The main awesome thing was that I received confirmation that New Jersey ( at least for now, hopefully New York in the future) is where I am supposed to be right now. I was in my new fellowship class at church for the information session and the Lord spoke through one of the ministers there are told me that I was in the right place and that I was going to be planted like a tree by the rivers of water (Psalm 1). I was also told that I was in transition but the transition was complete. I was extremely thrilled by this revelation and it completely changed my outlook on life. Knowing that you are where you're supposed to be is so satisfying because it means that I didn't get here by mistake and I am not far away from where I should be or making guesses about where to go but I am perfectly on track and being led where I need to go. I also went to a conference at church and this past weekend and it was so great. For the last two years I have been going through a lot and I didn't always know why. I got confused, upset, angry, frustrated, depressed, sad, and overwhlemed on a weekly if not daily basis. I got little snippets and insights into what was going on and what I needed to do. But I still didn't know what was going on or what was happening to me. But over a three day weekend I got more insight than I had in a year. I thought back to Pastor Dave's words for me the previous weekend and realized that I was getting the revelation of what was going on the past two years that got me to where I needed to be. I think if I had known all this beforehand I would have just given up somewhere along the way because it was so hard but because I didn't know what was happening I had to keep going because I was desperate to get to a place of understanding and that was not going to happen where I was. So I finally got the revelation of what the process had been and why the process was what it was. I feel like like I am very close to my breakthrough and I feel like a new chapter has begun. I can turn the page on what was or could have been if everything went like I wanted to and just know now that I am in the right place at the right time and I am moving forward to what God had purposed me for: my specific life plan. Last week I was in the bookstore and I was looking for something to read because I had finished all my books at home. I scowered the shelves and looked for titles that seemed to grab my attention. I found several and most of them had to do with trials and circumstances and making it through the difficult times. Then there was one that stood out about having the life that you have always imagined and more. It's called "When God Writes Your Life Story". I put away all those other books and decided that I was going to read about having the life I always wanted not the life of staying in a pit and walking in circles around the same issues. I decided that I wanted to focus on the promise God spoke and that that meant that I was coming out and that I already had victory over this situation. Then I brought the book home and started reading it and realized that not only was that book exactly what I needed but it was confirming things that I had just learned this past weekend at the conference. To live the life you have dreamed of having if not one that is better than what you have imagined you have to be completely sold out for God. You have to center your life completely around him in every way and you have to give yourself over to his will and purpose which is to have relationship with you and to use you for his purpose. Such revelation. One of the key points that the authors Eric and Leslie Ludy point out is that you can't live half in and half out of a Christian life, you have to be completely committed. It seems like a lot to give but what you give is nothing compared to what you gain which is a life with purpose, a personal relationship with God and a life that is scripted in a way that you would never be able to author on your own. Eric and Leslie put you though a spiritual boot camp in their book. The questions are not easy to answer because it involves looking at yourself in a very revealing light. But if you aren't completely honest and open about even your deepest secrets then how can you completely turn your full self over to the Lord? You have to be willing to yield control and exercise strong patience and trust that God can turn you into the person you need, want and were created to be and that you will get to where you need to be when you need to get there. I am so glad to know that things are working even when I can't see them and that patience does work even when it seems to not be.
Galatians 6:9
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