Hello Blogging World! I have been a really bad blogger with good reason mind you. I was ill for about a month and during that time it was all that I could do to soldier on for my contract work let alone think of creative things to blog. But I am back now and hoping to make a more conscious effort to blog consistently.
Sadly, I don't even know what was going on in my life the last time that I blogged. But I can't believe that it is May. Right now the three things that are preoccupying my mind and time are looking for jobs (STILL), finishing my contract work, and preparing for my cousin's wedding next month. The wedding thing is the most interesting because I grew up with this cousin, unlike my other cousins who are 7 years or more younger than me. We used to see each other very often and we went on family vacations together and I stayed at her house and she stayed at mine. We were always together. And it is just so weird that she is already getting married. It still feels like I shouldn't be at this point in my life where people are getting married. And if that were not enough to handle my best friend and sophomore year roommate from college is having a baby this fall. Where did the time go? I think I am even more preoccupied with this because I look at myself and think what in the world have I been doing all this time while these people were establishing relationships that are leading to marriage and families. I was just telling a friend of mine from high school last weekend that I feel like instead of going through my twenties I am in a prolonged teenage-hood. I have no idea how I got here either. I had all these plans and dreams and goals three years ago and when I looked to the future I saw things going in a much different direction. But I guess figuring it all out is what the twenties are for for some of us and for the rest of us we will get a clue at thirty. It is strange that I have about a year and a half of being in my twenties and then it's on to the next decade. Wow, next decade. This year is my tenth high school reunion. I think it will really be an eye opener when I have my 10th college reunion. I am not even going to talk about that. But one of the things that I am trying to focus on is the fact that it is not the destination but the journey. I know that the things that I have been through and the things that I am going through now are making me into who I need to be in the future. And I look forward to getting to that future. It's not just about having things but having relationship with people that you love and enjoying each and everyday whether or not things are exactly the way you would want them or not.It's a hard lesson to learn and to live. This past Sunday at church Pastor Jason was talking about how each of us has a specific plan and purpose for our lives and that plan and purpose is not identical to anyone else's because God created us to be unique and to be the one and only of us that He made. So we shouldn't be trying to copy someone else. live by someone else's rules, and basically conforming to be like other people. I am still learning how to be free to be me. As Joyce Meyer says, "You're Who is NOT Your DO." Meaning we are not what we do for a living or who we know or what we can provide for someone else each one of us matters and serves a purpose because we are created to fill a certain need. If all you can do is smile or give a hug or be a friend or send a note of encouragement then you do that to it's best and it's fullest and don't worry about what everyone else is doing. It's taking awhile but I am learning this lesson too. I am still trying to figure out/waiting to find out what I am good at, what my gifts and talents are and what my purpose is. I know that I have to become the person I need to be in order to fulfill my purpose and my calling and I am still being shaped into that person. And it does get frustrating along the way. For so long I felt like a loser because I felt that I needed to be where many of my peers are. And two and a half years ago I felt like I was headed in their same direction. Then all of a sudden there was a fork in the road and I went right and they went left. It was a very long journey just to get to the understanding that I still had worth and value even if my bank account was low and I worked for a piddly amount of money compared to what my friends were earning. But I have learned to take joy in the small things and in the things that I can do. Two exciting things that are happening this week are that I went to get Greek food today (my favorite food) and learned that there is a Greek festival this weekend! Yay! I am looking forward to hopefully going to that if the weather is nice. And thanks to a blessing from the Lord I have the money to pay a bill that I need to pay this week when I didn't think that I would have the money to do it. Two years ago I would have had a poor me attitude and would have been justifying it with a sense of entitlement. But I am overjoyed that there is a Greek festival going on and that I am paying a bill and getting closer to not being in a financial hole any longer. And I also believe that very soon I will be writing a post about my new job in the City. And I look forward to it but I am patiently waiting for the time that it is supposed to happen instead of trying to force it to happen on my own.
Any way all this to say that this is life. Life as I used to think is not something that when you get it together you enter into but these things are the things that make life and I am fine with that now and I know that many people out there are going through the same thing and I wish them well on their journey and I know that they will come out on the other side!
PS- RIP Lena Horne (1917-2010) She was a truly beauty and legend and there will never be another like her!
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