All My Energy

Lately I have felt that it takes all of my energy just to be awake. I feel kind of weighed down. I'm not sure why. I am drawing near the end of the project that I have been working on for the last month and I am hoping that all the parts come together by Friday. But I admit that it has been more difficult trying to find these images than I thought it would be. I have been searching for the most difficult ones for several weeks and thought that the ones I am searching for now would be the easiest. However, they are proving to be more difficult. But I feel that as long as I do my best and pursue every avenue then I have done my job. But I think I am perplexed as well by the difficulty that I am having because the images are so simple. Over the past month I have been looking for slavery images and images of black people doing specific jobs in a time period when black life in America was not really chronicled. And I amazingly had success in finding what I needed to satisfy most of the images needed. Now I am looking for garden images. Images that should be pretty easy to locate and they are proving to be much harder than slavery. I need 19th century garden images and images of gardens in spring and of gardeners in the 19th century. But these images are proving to be rather illusive. But I have been praying about this project the whole time and believe that the Lord led me to all the images that I thought would be difficult to find and now I have to pray and believe that I will find the images that I need now. I am not going to worry or be anxious or fearful about it. Ironically, I was just reading a devotion about this today. So I just need to keep praying and keep believing that this will all work out the way that it needs to. I think I am not worrying on the outside but in my subconscious and in my mind there are thoughts of worry and discontentment. I think part of me is wondering why I am working on a gardening project when I would be much more efficient on a historical project and why hasn't the Lord provided a project for me that would be easier for me to do. But it is all about being thankful. I am so thankful to have the project that I have, it will be my first NY project that I have completed, and when I was looking to pursue something else I was brought back into the project which meant a lot to me because it said that they thought that I had done a good job with the work that I did last year for it. This project has been a challenge for me and I know that the difficult circumstances and trials of this project are just a test. It's testing my patience, my motivation, and my nerves. But I know that I can do and I want to do it because there are few things more rewarding than something that looked like you couldn't do it but then you are able to overcome that and everything works out alright. So I am not going to fear or be anxious and I am going to give it my best and trust the Lord to do what I can't do.