A couple of weeks ago I blogged about what the future potentially held for me. My dad is interviewing for a position that would take him out of NJ and I will have to either be able to make it on my own in NJ or move back to Charlotte or possibly something else may open up. I haven't had any revelation about what the next step is yet but it has been preoccupying my mind often over the last month. I read an Oswald Chambers devotion in My Utmost for His Highest that reminded me to be certain in my uncertainties. That appeased me for a little while. I took it to mean for myself and my situation that even if I have no idea what is going on around me that I can be certain that God does and that He will lead me to where I need to be and that He already knows where that is. So I have to just trust in Him that everything that I need will be provided. It is a great devotion and I drew a lot of strength from it. But the devil knows how to make you second guess what you already know to be true. After I had read about being certain in my uncertainties I had friends and relatives asking me about what was I going to do, what jobs was I looking at, had I heard anything, and what I was doing to turn this situation around. It was a lot of pressure to come up with answers to all these questions because frankly I don't know and if you are trying to explain faith walking to people who do not have the same concept of it that you do it sounds crazy. To them you are walking in the dark and all you have to do is turn on the lights. If only it were that simple!
But then I got some much needed help from my pal Joyce Meyer! I was reading a chapter of her book Battlefield of the Mind about The Confused Mind. In her chapter on the confused mind she states that one of the key reasons we are confused is because we are, as people, trying to always figure things out. She calls this reasoning. Reasoning is an enemy of faith. Reasoning says I have to know before I take any steps forward. Faith says I'm going to walk and trust God to lead me down the right path. That was on Friday that I read about reasoning. Then on Saturday morning as I got into the car with my mom, who was listening to Battlefield of the Mind on CD in her car, I heard Joyce once again speaking about reasoning. So I made up my mind to just yell, "Reasoning, Reasoning, " whenever I find myself trying to figure out a situation that I have no control over or clue about. I have made up my mind several times that this situation is in the Lord's hands because I have exhausted myself. But I am pulled at and talked to and demanded to give answers for a situation that I have not been able to guide or navigate. And that's when the reasoning comes in, that's when I try to "make a plan" or show that I have some kind of thought process going on behind what seems like inactivity or chaos. But in truth I have no more information now than I have ever had about this process that I am going through. I have the promise of deliverance that God gave me and I have tools to just keep going: faith, hope, praise, and prayer. That's all I have or know at this point in the game.
Yesterday I went to church with my mom and Pastor Gool spoke on patience. He spoke about how we have to be unyielding in our patience, no matter how long it takes us to see the fulfillment of what God has spoken to us. He also spoke about how each time we speak the opposite of what God's word says we are basically being traitors to God and His kingdom because we are effectively calling Him a liar by saying He can't or won't do what He has said He can and will do. Even though I know that my words need to line up with God's words I do get side tracked often and find myself thinking and occasionally saying things that come from my flesh. Things like, "This is just too hard, When will this be over, I just can't take it anymore, Why me," and other phrases that I am sure we have all uttered at one time or another. But Pastor Gool reminded me that we have to speak in faith when we are going through so that we don't undo the faith that we have already put out in our prayers. It was a good lesson to learn.
This morning as I did my own quiet time I was reflecting over dinner with my mom and uncle last night. He had asked me the dreaded question, "What jobs have you been looking at and what are you going to do?" I told him it was all up in the air right now since part of it depends on what happens with my dad getting the results of his interview from last week. The final interviews are this week. So I guess I will hopefully know something in the next week to two weeks. But since I have no control over it I'm not going to worry or fret over it. My mom gave to a card this morning that had the verse Proverbs 3:5,6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." I thought to myself, "Yep, that's what I have to do. Keep on trusting. Keep on moving through the faith walk." Then as I was doing my devotions I did the one in my Zondervan Women's Devotional for today. It was entitled Total Dependence. It was about Ezra and the Israelites who were journeying out of captivity to go to Jerusalem. The journey was 900 miles long and the people would be susceptible to being preyed upon by enemies along the way but Ezra had not asked for any protection from the king because he had told him that God was with him. So Ezra and the people prayed and fasted and God heard their prayer. The devotion was about Faith and Reason. It told a cute story about how Faith is like a woman who can walk 20 to 30 miles without failing but Reason is like a child that walks a mile or two and gets tired and stops. Faith has to carry Reason because Reason cannot make it on it's own. Talk about a revelation. Reason can only see so far but if you can see yourself or sense within yourself that there is more than you can reason then you have to walk with faith and just keep going until you make it to where you need to be. The person who wrote the devotion spoke to why it might be that God requires us to be put in situations where all we have is faith. Their response was so that we realize our total dependence and total need for Him. We can't do it alone. So have faith in God, He will work it all out. He worked it out for Abraham, Moses, Isaac, Joseph, David and many, many more. He'll work it out for me and work it out for you.
"For faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. This is what the ancients were commended for." Hebrews 11:1-2
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