Today I was continuing reading through the book, Life Interrupted, by Priscilla Shirer. I read two chapters instead of my regular one. They both got me thinking about my own story. In the first chapter she was speaking of how the storms of life come to discipline and correct us when we are heading in the wrong direction. She spoke of how Jonah's storm was for his correction because God loved him too much to let him continue in his rebellion outside of His will for him. Priscilla spoke of how the storms in our lives are used by God to get our attention when any other way would not work. The second chapter talked about Jonah having to come to terms with the fact that the ship and its passengers were in trouble because of him. He had to take responsibility for the circumstances that they found themselves in and he offered to take on that responsibility by being thrown over the ship's side. This was the beginning of Jonah's repentance: accepting responsibility and taking on the consequences of his circumstances.
In a previous post I was talking about all the things that have been a Nineveh to me but I realized that I left one out: Charlotte. My hometown in North Carolina. I have been adamant for some years that I don't want to go back there. It's not as fast paced as DC or NY. It doesn't have a metro or a subway system. It has a lite rail, which really is not the same at all. It's slower, it's sleepier, and I have had visions of being other places besides Charlotte for a long time. I wanted to live in NY and then I wanted to live in DC and then I wanted to live in NY again. But Priscilla's writing about running started me thinking about how I have been running from Charlotte for several years. In 2008 when my job in DC ran out, I was told by my mother that I could always come back to Charlotte. My sentiments on that, "No way, Jose!" I did not want to have to move back home and did not want to be living in Charlotte again. But in hindsight it might have been better than living in DC and struggling for the next year and a half. Was I running from what God was wanting me to do? I was adamantly against going back to Charlotte. Was losing my job and having to go through difficulties part of God getting my attention to do what He had planned for me to be doing. I never really asked God what He wanted me to do. I think if I could go back to the prayers I was praying then, they probably were thanking God for the eventual coming through on the job He had for me in DC rather than asking what He wanted for me to do. Maybe I was supposed to have gotten off the DC highway when the job at SITES ended but instead my behaviour was a big, "No," to what God may have been leading me to. So then the plans I tried to make, the jobs I tried to get, the exhaustive efforts I tried to put forth to get a break, and the misery I felt at leading a less than comfortable existance were a part of my "storm" that God sent to correct my rebellion to seeking what His will was for me rather than making plans and asking Him to bless them. As well as to correct my dissent into hanging out with the wrong people and doing the wrong things. It definitely made me raise an eyebrow as I was thinking about what I had read. And possibly, quite possibly, my "jumping overboard" was coming to New Jersey. Coming to New Jersey did quell the life "storm" that I was facing at the time. And maybe this year and a half I have spent in New Jersey has been my "three days in the whale." I suppose I won't know that until I read the next chapter of the book. I don't know that it wasn't the right decision not going back, but it is interesting to think about. Kind of like a Moses situation, where he probably didn't want to have to go back to Egypt after 40 years and face the people that knew he was a murderer or the people in Pharoah's household who had once served him as a prince. But God led him back to help his people. Another interesting thing is that I have been taken back to Charlotte for majority of this year. I first arrived in Charlotte the last week of March thinking that I would only be there for a few weeks. But then I have been there for three and a half months already and am seeking to stay there for the next month and a half. I can't help but think that I missed the exit somewhere along the way. Was I supposed to be in Charlotte this whole time?
I'm not sure what the answer to that question is but it seems that there is substantial evidence that the Lord could be leading me back to Charlotte. I have come to like Charlotte again. At one time I was just completely against it in my vain attempt to turn myself into the urban sophisticate that I thought I was or hoped that I would become. But now I am okay with Charlotte. It might lack some of the urban amenities that I have become use to, like subways, but it's a nice place, it's where I'm from. Besides I like being near my family and being able to see and attend things that they are doing. Like this month my oldest first cousin is having a baby and I want to be there for that, my family reunion is next month and I want to go to that, and then my aunt is having a big birthday party and I want to be able to do that too. So I really feel connected in a way I haven't really felt before to Charlotte and to North Carolina. I don't know for sure if I am going to be in Charlotte permanently but I would not be surprised if I ended up there.
It's funny how I picked up Priscilla's book and thought that I would be getting a lesson in faith and patience to get through life's interruptions caused by other people and circumstances out of my control. And that is part of it but it has turned out to be a lesson in letting God have control and work out His plan for my life without resisting Him and then also examining the ways in which I have held up or prolonged that plan. The last part I had never really thought about before.Oops, my bad. But that's the great thing about God that Priscilla writes about Jonah's experience, God loved Him too much to let Him ruin his life and live outside of His plans for him. I think I can definitely see evidences of that in my life. I still don't know what my divine appointment or assignment is but I believe that this time has been preparation for it. I'm glad that no matter how much I have resisted that God hasn't let me go or left me to my own devices heading in a downward spiral. I'm interested to see what happens next.
Just yesterday when I was having my quiet time I was praying to the Lord about what to do because I wasn't sure if I was supposed to stay in Charlotte or come back to New Jersey. I was thanking God because last year part of God's Word to me through Pastor Dave at LOJ was that my transition to New Jersey was not a mistake. That made me feel really good that the Lord reminded me that New Jersey was not an accident. And at least until I started reading Priscilla's book today I was convinced that New Jersey was where I was going to stay. But then when I began to think about the things she was writing I couldn't help but see and find traces of my own story in Jonah's. The key word in the word from God was "transition". I transitioned into New Jersey and it got me back on track. But He didn't tell me, "And you will stay in New Jersey forever." He told me that I had transitioned here out of DC but there was no word of its permanence. So I guess I'll have to wait to see what the next exit will be. I'm glad that even if I missed the exit in 2008 that God can still get me to the place I need to be.
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