I'm Not The Only One

Sometimes when you're going through a difficult time you feel like the only one who is going through difficulty. It is hard to remember that everyone goes through tough times, maybe not as long or even longer than the time that you are going through. Yesterday was a tough day. I had a substitute teaching job with what I thought was going to be some cute pre-schoolers but then turned out to be some tiresome second graders. They were cute no doubt but there temper tantrums and conspiring together to get me to do things there teacher never did was a mental drain. At the end of the day I was affirmed in my knowledge that teaching is a calling and my phone is not ringing. But all in all it was not a bad way to make a few bucks. But I was reminded of the fact that no matter the ease that may come with filling in for a teacher I still need something that pays more and is permanent. On Tuesday the screw fell out of my glasses and so on Wednesday when I was with the little darlins all day I had to keep re-applying Scotch tape to my brokedown glasses. Which was a reminder of how 1. I need money and 2. If I could afford contacts that would not have been happening. I had to get over it real quick because those kids were trying to sabotage me at every turn. But we survived the day together and I'll be happy when I get the check next week!

But today I was encouraged by two devotionals that I read and a reminder from the T.D. Jakes message that I heard in January. The first devotion that I had today was an excerpt from something written by Amy Carmichael. She wrote that she believed that God leads us just like He led the Israelites out of Egypt and to the Promised Land. She said that just like the Israelites were told to cross the Red Sea there may be times where God makes the crossing of certain rivers or problems in our lives very easy and He does all the work for us. Then there are times when we have to participate in the crossing by doing more than just walking through. She pointed out the crossing of the Jordan that Joshua led the people on to get to the Promised Land. The Jordan was overflowing because it was the harvest season and so like the Red Sea the Israelites could not just walk over but they needed help from the Lord to get across. This time instead of just standing back and letting God part the waters they were instructed to have the priests step into the water. Nothing happened beforehand to let them know how it was going to work out but instead they were just given one instruction for what they were to do next. Even though there was not an explanation of how having the priests step into the water was going to get them across they had to follow that instruction to get to the next part. So when the priests stepped into the water that was the action that caused the water to be held back so that the people could cross over to the other side. Amy Carmichael said that we too have to be ready to step into the water even when it looks like nothing is going to happen. When God leads us or tells us to do something on our way to getting to a specific goal or place we have to obey even if it looks likes nothing is going to happen. She said:

"You and I must be sure of what we are called to do, with an inward conviction that absolutely nothing can shake. Only God and those who have to walk in that path know how hard this kind of faith-life can be. But He does know. If only the next step is clear, then the one thing to do is take it! Don't pledge your Lord or yourself to any steps beyond what you know. You don't see them yet. We don't walk spiritually by electric light, but by a hand-held lantern. And a lantern shows only the next step - not several steps ahead."

The next devotion I had was when the people went to Jericho and they were told to march around the city for 7 days and then give a victory shout. The devotion talked about how good it must have felt to the people to finally have victory and to be out of that long waiting period that they had been in. It talked about the waiting periods that we all go through for something to happen. They are difficult and may leave you thinking that you will never get to where you want to be but the devotion gave a reminder to know that God is right there with you and He is working behind the scenes to prepare you to reach your goal and claim your victory.

Both of these devotions reminded me of something T.D. Jakes said in his Code Orange Revival message. He said that sometimes it looks like everyone around us is getting blessed or getting what they want or far exceeding us where we are. I had heard the same thing from Joyce Meyer as well. Sometimes we have to go through a time where everyone around us gets everything we want but it is just a test. We have to pass the test and we have to get to the point where we are excited and happy for those people no matter what is going on in our own lives. I have lived through these kinds of moments so many times in the past two years whether it was an iPhone, a new home, a new job, a vacation, an engagement or a wedding that someone I knew was telling me about. It took all of my self-control and patience to smile and congratulate when what I wanted to do was have a fit or burst into tears. There's a scene in It's a Wonderful Life where George and Mary's friend Sam drives up looking like a million bucks and riding in a chauffeured new car. His girlfriend  has on a fur and way nice jewelry. After Sam and his friend ride off on a sunny Florida getaway George and Mary have to climb into their tin can of a car and drive themselves back to their falling down and apart house. Before getting into the car George kicks the door shut in a fit of anger. I have had many days where I have felt like I am George and the free world is Sam. But the devotions as well as the messages that I have heard are reminders that I am not the only one who has been down this path and that according to those who have gone before this does not always last, there's a stopping point and a turn around. The movie didn't end with George driving off in his crappy car. The movie ended with all his friends and family surrounding him and helping and celebrating him in his hour of need. The movie ended with victory for George. 

So today I was encouraged to keep holding on and to know that these work-a-day jobs, living like a gypsy and ,hopefully,living in Charlotte are not the end for me. There will come a time of having more than enough and walking in victory if I can keep playing til I win and believing that God is leading me to cross the waters of my problems to get to my Promised Land. 

My Testimony

My testimony is the title of a song by Marvin Sapp. It's a wonderful song especially in light of the death of his wife last year. But it's also a reminder that we all go through difficult and hard times but we can't give up because there is another side to the story and the things we are going through are building our testimony. I thought about this song this morning when I was doing my devotional. I had a devotional that was talking about Moses' legacy to the children of Israel and the Jewish people. There were moments that Moses would have definitely been not proud of and there were times that I am sure he was more than proud of. God spoke to him and appeared to him. He was a leader of his people for 40 years and saw the Israelites fulfill the promise that God had given Abraham that He would make them into a great nation and that although they were in bondage for several centuries God fulfilled His promise to them and used Moses to accomplish that promise. The devotion asked how you could leave a legacy to your children or to others in general. I don't have children and I don't know if I ever will but I began to think about those people in my life who do have children and how I needed to add them to my list of things to pray for that they would leave their children a Godly legacy. I also thought about the fact that if I don't have a family of my own I can still sow into other people's lives at some point. I really feel that all of the things that I have been through in the last two years are building my testimony. I believe that I have gone through all of these trials and challenges so that other people can see God in and through my life's experiences. I already know and have been through situations that I know were only survivable because God was with me and watching over me because there have been many times where I have wanted to give up and quit and not see another day. But I am thankful for the continued reminders that there is a plan for my life and as a friend of mine said recently, "You don't go through nothing for nothing." I really don't think that I have been through all this depression, rejection and disappointment to come out even or just a little bit ahead of where I started when this all began. I believe that like T.D. Jakes said, "If you are at rock bottom, you are just right for Jesus." He explained that often when we have options or can accomplish something on our own we don't give God the glory or the credit because we feel we did it on our own. He said that sometimes God has to close every door and shut off every opportunity to get our attention and let us know that He is in control because sadly we don't always look to Him unless we are at the very end of our strength, ability and know how. It was really encouraged by that and I believe that the Lord will use all that I have been through as a testimony for others to see His power, His grace, His provision, and His will for my life accomplished. In today's Oswald Chambers reading I read about how we are to see Jesus as Almighty not just a shoulder to cry on or a sympathetic ear. We have to seek Him and His counsel for all things instead of putting our wants and desires first and then asking Him to bless them and make them work out for us. That was encouraging too because sometimes we feel completely alone and we feel heavy burdened and weighed down because we feel like everything is in need of our figuring it out and making it work. But if we give it over to Jesus we are relieved of our burdens and He will direct us on the right path and help us to make the right decision. It can get frustrating because we don't always get the answer that we want or when we want but we have to know and believe that He has our best interest in mind and will help us to go on the path and in the direction that is best for us. This morning I thought about something my pastor here in Charlotte said. He said that you have to be able to see the future from now. You have to know that there is a tomorrow and a next week and a next month and a next year. You have to believe that things will get better and improve in the future no matter how long it may take. I believe that what I have been going through has been a season of my life. I don't know how long this season will last but I do believe that it will not last forever. I believe that there will be a change and an improvement in my situation and my circumstances. I got really excited today in thinking about the day when I can look at this whole time in my life from the other side of it,after I have come out of this place and can look back at it to see how it lead me to where I will be in the future. I am really excited for that moment and I am so hopeful that that moment is on its way sooner than I can even imagine. Last week as I was riding in the car I was listening to the radio and heard a woman who was talking about people in the Bible who went through difficult times. She talked about Joseph, Abraham, and David. She said that anyone used by God had to go through times of character building and times of being in a slump but they made it out and were the better for it. I was really encouraged by that. I think I posted about how T.D. Jakes spoke at Code Orange Revival about better things. He ministered as an aside about how God is in the buisness of better things and so if you are a servant of the Lord you should never think that your life is on a decline but know that God is making things better in your life. So if God has removed you from someone or something it only means that something better is on the way. It's all a part of our testimony.

NMAAHC Groundbreaking: Lonnie Bunch Speech | Newsdesk

NMAAHC Groundbreaking: Lonnie Bunch Speech Newsdesk

Whitney Houston "I Didn't Know My Own Strength"

Keeping My Promise

At the beginning of the year I said that I was going to start eating more healthy and start making some changes to be more healthy overall. Well I did not make good on that promise at all over the first month and a half of 2012. But I realized that I was getting out of control with letting myself just do whatever I wanted at times and then at other times being so sparse with what I ate that it wasn't good for me either. So I decided last weekend that it was time to make a change, yes I did realize that Valentine's Day was Tuesday. But what I did was have one day of fun on Sunday where I ate my little heart out on food that I love and then vowed to make a fresh start on Monday. Well there were circumstances beyond my control on Monday and it had to start on Tuesday. Believe me I wanted to turn back but I decided to just go ahead and start. What I started was the Kathy Freston 21 day vegan cleanse. I have done it once before in 2008. I had great results and felt a marked improvement in my health when I did this cleanse the first time so I am aiming at recapturing that but also using it as a spring board for starting anew with my eating habits.

This past week went well. I had soy yogurt for breakfast, Tofurkey for lunch, stir fry for dinner, and rice cakes with almond butter for snacks. It was a little tough at first but the first few days are the hardest. Then I thought about the fact that I was eating packaged foods that were most likely not that great for me so I started to look for recipes online. I found a great recipe for lentil soup. Today I went out and bought the ingredients for the soup. Then I happened to catch an episode of Food for Thought with Claire Thomas and she was making a gluten free chocolate chip walnut banana bread. So this week I picked up the ingredients for that as well. I'm excited about this new facet to this vegan cleanse that I hadn't thought about before: actual cooking. I have been cooking for my mom and I since I came here last year and I have enjoyed actually making my food rather than eating fast food or microwavable food. My mom didn't really cook when I was growing up so I have been winging it as a adult but I am really starting to enjoy the cooking process and I am looking forward to learning more vegan and healthy recipes.

Also the Wal-Mart near my house totally shocked me today with its amazing selection of gluten free products. There was a nice assortment of Bob's Red Mill baking flours, gluten free lasagna, gluten free, dairy free cookies, and also xanthan gum for gluten free baking which thankfully Wal-Mart sells in 1/2 tsp packs so I didn't have to buy a $12 bag! I am so glad because with Trader Joe's and Wal-Mart I can make it through the vegan cleanse without constant meal repeats!

Will post pics of the soup and bread! (if it turns out right)

Farewell Dear Whitney



Whitney Houston at the AMAs 2009 reddogreport.com


Today the world went to church whether we expected to or not. I am speaking of Whitney Houston's home going service today. I knew from the beginning that it was going to be a very special and emotional event but I was not prepared for the fact that from her service I would receive encouragement to keep going through what was a very difficult time for me. I started watching the service and was moved by the choir and then by the ministers and friends who shared their memories about Whitney. But many of them spoke of going through difficult times and how to persevere and know that with God for you no one can be against you. So many people throughout the last week have brought up all the stuff about Whitney's life that we all know helped to paint her in an unfavorable light but today we were reminded that Whitney was a child of God who knew that the Lord loved her and had given her a special gift of song to share with the world. She accomplished His task and goal for her life. And today we were taken back to The New Hope Baptist Church in Newark, NJ where it all started for Whitney. And we were reminded of the fact that she was a servant of God who graced us with her beauty and amazing talent for the last 30 years. The words spoken and sung by people like T.D. Jakes, Donnie McClurkin, Marvin Winans, Stevie Wonder, Kim Burrell, Alicia Keys, Bebe Winans, and CeCe Winans were so inspiring and encouraging. I didn't expect to be in tears for fours hours but I was. All the things that they were saying I so desperately needed. Over the last week I have felt painfully lonely and I have felt that things seem to keep getting worse no matter what I do. It has been a rough week. And I was just reminded today that when you go through tough times that if you are a child of God and have accepted Jesus as your savior, you are never truly alone. The things that they were saying were directed to Whitney's family but they were exactly what I needed to hear today as well and I think that the Lord just ministered to me and helped me through her service today. But I feel that that was the overall goal of what happened today. The world was watching to see the send off of a music legend but what they received was a dose of gospel. I think it was so befitting of Whitney's life because she had this amazing gift and she touched and inspired so many people and I think what she would have wanted people to know is that Jesus loves them and cares for and about them and she loved them and cared about them too. And that is exactly what we got today. We were told about the love of God, the gift of Jesus and the need to not be sad or in despair because Whitney is present with the Lord, she is just fine. It was a beautiful service and I am so thankful to her mother Ms. Cissy Houston for sharing this moment with the world because it would have been understandable if she had chosen not to. But instead she was able to invite all the world into the little church and minister to them. I believe that there will be people that will meet Whitney Houston in heaven one day and will be there because they saw today's service. There will never be another one like Whitney Houston but I am so thankful and grateful that I had the opportunity to grow up with her music and with her as a part of my culture. Thank you Whitney!  

Rest in Peace Whitney Houston



Whitney Houston bio.com

Last night I was shocked, as I am sure a lot of people were, to learn about the passing of Whitney Houston. Whitney was a living legend. I remember watching a video in the 80s at my uncle's house repeatedly of Whitney Houston's greatest hits. I probably saw that video 50 times at least. Whitney was just a part of the soundtrack of my childhood much like Michael Jackson. When I was growing up Whitney was a fashion and beauty icon for myself and other young black girls growing up. She always looked amazing and she had confidence and a megawatt smile that made you want to be her friend. So I was in disbelief last night as I sat watching TV after getting in from the store and there was a special report that scrolled across the bottom of the screen that said that Whitney had died in Beverly Hills at age 48. As I wrote last year when Amy Winehouse died, you are never ready for these kinds of moments. I gasped and I thought to myself, "That this cannot be true." It was really just too much to take. There have been so many famous African American singers and artists that we have lost too early too recently. Michael Jackson, Don Cornelius, Etta James, Luther Vandross, Heavy D, Isaac Hayes just to name a few. So I was just really amazed that I was hearing this news and it was true. Also within the last week there had been reminders of Whitney going on in my life, which is weird now that I think about it. On February 3, I was substituting for a music teacher at a nearby elementary school. I sat down at the teacher's desk and saw that he had a music biography card on the chalk tray for Whitney Houston. On the front was a picture of Whitney and on the back it told of her rise to fame and several of her musical achievements. I stared at the picture for a little bit because it was of a young, vibrant Whitney in her prime. I thought to myself, "Nothing compares to old school Whitney Houston." The following Sunday I was grocery shopping for my mom and I and her song "I Get So Emotional" came on while I was looking through the deli section. I just hummed along feeling good at hearing what was one of my favorite songs to hear her sing. Then this past week there were several stories floating around about her in the press. One story said she was broke, another said she was dating Ray J, and another said that she looked strung out while coming out of a club on Thursday evening. I dismissed all of these and did not pay them any attention because I saw them as attempts to just cause drama and look for dirt to dish on her. So imagine after a week of little Whitney reminders popping up in my week on Saturday I hear the news that she has died. I was truly heartbroken. I, like so many others, was hoping for a major comeback for Whitney Houston. I felt the same way about Michael Jackson. I wanted for them to be able to finish their story on top and to have that moment of triumph over the hardships and difficulties that both of them had faced. And not only that but I feel so sad for her daughter and her mother because I know that they are feeling a very intense loss. But I will always remember Whitney Houston as an early part of my life because when I was growing up she was just everywhere and to me there was not another female pop star who was bigger than Whitney. Also when I was little they made us sing "The Greatest Love of All" and "One Moment in Time" in my school choir, which I am sure was extremely common for a lot of kids in the early 90s. But she was just such a part of that time of my life that is makes me extremely sad to see her pass away so prematurely. I pray that she is in Heaven and that her soul is at peace.