Today is the two year anniversary of my blog! Yay! Who knew that two years could fly by so quickly! But here we are two years later. When I started this blog I was going through a time of crisis and despair. I had just learned a week before Christmas that the job that I thought I was going to get in D.C., I was not even going to be in the candidate pool for. I was so depressed. I didn't want to be in New Jersey and I was trying desperately to figure out how to either get back to D.C. or how to get to New York. A week or so after I started the blog I moved my things out of my apartment in D.C., which was the final nail in my D.C. coffin. It took a long time to let go of that because I was so sad over the loss. There was the loss of what I felt I had worked so hard for, the loss of the dream I had had of living in D.C. for almost 5 years before I got there and then the wondering about what was going to happen in the future. I felt so tossed about and like I was hopeless. I started reading a book called Consider Lily by two Christian authors and got the idea for starting a blog from the main character in that book to keep a log of all these things going on in my life.
Fast forward two years. I am not in crisis and still waging a war with depression at times but things have worked out albeit not in the way that I had hoped or planned. I had never planned on moving back to North Carolina and never thought that I would actually miss living in New Jersey. I still don't know what God's plan is for me but I am waiting for revelation of that knowledge which brings me to the second part of the blog's title. This year I began reading the Bible from the beginning as I have done for the last two years. I have been reading the story of Abraham starting last week into this week. The story of Abraham becomes more and more identifiable to me as I read it more because of the waiting that Abraham had to go through. I first started seeing some parallels to Abraham in my life back in 2009 when I started a Bible study on how to be God's friend, which focused on the story of Abraham. Then after re-reading the story over the past few years I began to understand more and more what he must have been going through. God had told Abraham to leave his family and journey to a land that he didn't know. Then he told him that he would make him a father of many nations and that he would have offspring that would be innumerable. Abraham couldn't see how this was going to happen because God started telling him this when he was 75 years old. Abraham was already considered an old man at that point and God was telling him that he was going to be a father. So Abraham waited and the years passed and there was still not a clue that he was going to become a father as far as his natural eyes could see. When Abraham was 87 his wife Sarah decided to take matters into her own hands and have Abraham have a child with her servant Hagar. That was Sarah's plan and Abraham went along with it but that was not God's plan. So they created Ishmael. But God continued to tell them that He was going to give them their own son. So when Abraham was 100 and Sarah was 99 they had Isaac. I'm sure Abraham must have wondered why God waited so long and when he and Sarah were past their prime to give them a child. Abraham and Sarah had waited for 25 years! That's a long time. I have been waiting for a full time job for 4 1/2 years and it has felt like an eternity, I certainly don't envy Abraham and his 25 year wait. But I think one of the lessons in this story of Abraham is about not letting go of what God has spoken to you and also trusting him that He will do whatever He has said He will do no matter how long it takes. Waiting appeared several times in my devotional time last week. Not only in what I was reading in the Bible but also my Oswald Chambers devotional and my Women's Devotional Bible devotion. Waiting is not easy and I have heard several preachers teach on it. And they all have said that if you are waiting on something from God you have to believe that it is worth the wait and that it will happen at the right time. I blogged recently about how I looked up the biblical meaning of 30 at the end of last year and found out that it means "the right moment". Sometimes I find myself hoping that the right moment will be today or tomorrow and I am disappointed when it isn't. I desperately crave and desire a change in my circumstances and I want to have stability in my life. I never imagined that my life would take the course that it has. I never imagined that I wouldn't have a "real" job or that I would spend the last years of my twenties living with my parents or that I would still be looking for a "real" job at this point in my life. I just never imagined myself here. And I feel panicked and anxious about the fact that I don't know how to fix or solve this problem. Today in my devotion I read Proverbs 19:2 which says, "A man's folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the Lord." And I could really identify with that because I often have made bad decisions and then get mad at God when He doesn't help me out of them but like the verse says it's our own fault when we find ourselves in certain situations. But I also believe that when we repent and accept our own role in our circumstances and ask God for help He will either help us out of the situation or He will walk with us through it until we get to the other side of it. I have several things going on in my life that are sources of stress and strain right now and I have prayed and believed that God will help me. And I know that He will either deliver me from it or that He will walk with me through it. Either way I am not alone in the situation. Another verse that I read today was a source of encouragement as well Psalm 27:13,14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Sometimes I just want to go, I just want to be able to do what I would like to do, go where I want to go, and have what I would like to have but I feel bound or restrained. But I take courage in what David said that we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Things haven't gone the way that I've wanted and haven't been the way that I would like but I believe that they are and will get better. And I believe that it will happen if I wait on the Lord, if I seek His wisdom and council and help. I believe that He will help me and He will guide me and lead me out of this valley that I have been in. So I am encouraged even though it feels like I've only moved an inch in two years, I know that like Abraham that my promise is on it's way and I will continue to wait for it until it is the right moment for it to happen.
Fast forward two years. I am not in crisis and still waging a war with depression at times but things have worked out albeit not in the way that I had hoped or planned. I had never planned on moving back to North Carolina and never thought that I would actually miss living in New Jersey. I still don't know what God's plan is for me but I am waiting for revelation of that knowledge which brings me to the second part of the blog's title. This year I began reading the Bible from the beginning as I have done for the last two years. I have been reading the story of Abraham starting last week into this week. The story of Abraham becomes more and more identifiable to me as I read it more because of the waiting that Abraham had to go through. I first started seeing some parallels to Abraham in my life back in 2009 when I started a Bible study on how to be God's friend, which focused on the story of Abraham. Then after re-reading the story over the past few years I began to understand more and more what he must have been going through. God had told Abraham to leave his family and journey to a land that he didn't know. Then he told him that he would make him a father of many nations and that he would have offspring that would be innumerable. Abraham couldn't see how this was going to happen because God started telling him this when he was 75 years old. Abraham was already considered an old man at that point and God was telling him that he was going to be a father. So Abraham waited and the years passed and there was still not a clue that he was going to become a father as far as his natural eyes could see. When Abraham was 87 his wife Sarah decided to take matters into her own hands and have Abraham have a child with her servant Hagar. That was Sarah's plan and Abraham went along with it but that was not God's plan. So they created Ishmael. But God continued to tell them that He was going to give them their own son. So when Abraham was 100 and Sarah was 99 they had Isaac. I'm sure Abraham must have wondered why God waited so long and when he and Sarah were past their prime to give them a child. Abraham and Sarah had waited for 25 years! That's a long time. I have been waiting for a full time job for 4 1/2 years and it has felt like an eternity, I certainly don't envy Abraham and his 25 year wait. But I think one of the lessons in this story of Abraham is about not letting go of what God has spoken to you and also trusting him that He will do whatever He has said He will do no matter how long it takes. Waiting appeared several times in my devotional time last week. Not only in what I was reading in the Bible but also my Oswald Chambers devotional and my Women's Devotional Bible devotion. Waiting is not easy and I have heard several preachers teach on it. And they all have said that if you are waiting on something from God you have to believe that it is worth the wait and that it will happen at the right time. I blogged recently about how I looked up the biblical meaning of 30 at the end of last year and found out that it means "the right moment". Sometimes I find myself hoping that the right moment will be today or tomorrow and I am disappointed when it isn't. I desperately crave and desire a change in my circumstances and I want to have stability in my life. I never imagined that my life would take the course that it has. I never imagined that I wouldn't have a "real" job or that I would spend the last years of my twenties living with my parents or that I would still be looking for a "real" job at this point in my life. I just never imagined myself here. And I feel panicked and anxious about the fact that I don't know how to fix or solve this problem. Today in my devotion I read Proverbs 19:2 which says, "A man's folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the Lord." And I could really identify with that because I often have made bad decisions and then get mad at God when He doesn't help me out of them but like the verse says it's our own fault when we find ourselves in certain situations. But I also believe that when we repent and accept our own role in our circumstances and ask God for help He will either help us out of the situation or He will walk with us through it until we get to the other side of it. I have several things going on in my life that are sources of stress and strain right now and I have prayed and believed that God will help me. And I know that He will either deliver me from it or that He will walk with me through it. Either way I am not alone in the situation. Another verse that I read today was a source of encouragement as well Psalm 27:13,14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Sometimes I just want to go, I just want to be able to do what I would like to do, go where I want to go, and have what I would like to have but I feel bound or restrained. But I take courage in what David said that we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Things haven't gone the way that I've wanted and haven't been the way that I would like but I believe that they are and will get better. And I believe that it will happen if I wait on the Lord, if I seek His wisdom and council and help. I believe that He will help me and He will guide me and lead me out of this valley that I have been in. So I am encouraged even though it feels like I've only moved an inch in two years, I know that like Abraham that my promise is on it's way and I will continue to wait for it until it is the right moment for it to happen.
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