This past weekend I went to a retirement/birthday party for a friend of my mother. I had never really been to a retirement party before and it was really interesting to hear people talking about this phase of their lives. Being able to do things that they have always wanted to do like traveling, or jobs that they can do for fun, or hanging out with friends more. Most of these people were over 60 so they were a long time preparing for this event. It's also interesting because many of the people there know that my mom's friend is extremely good with money and has been her whole life. She has been financially preparing for this moment for the last 30 plus years. It made me think about my own life and the fact that I have not thought about retirement at all because at 30 I am still trying to get into the work force "officially". But it also made me think about how over a lifetime you plan things and do them. Sometimes you accomplish them and sometimes if they don't work out you just let them go.
Have you ever had a dream that you have tried to accomplish and have been unable to and then have abandoned? I have been there and done that but the dreams are hard to suppress because I want for them to come true so badly. One of the dreams that I have spoken about on my blog is living and working in NYC. I love NYC and just feel so at home and comfortable there. I love the food, the subway, Brooklyn, Broadway, Sylvia's, Lindy's, Citi Field, the bridges, Coney Island, Nathan's, and all the different sub-sections of Manhattan. To me it is the greatest place in the whole world. I have been to London, Paris, Amsterdam, Cairo, Alexandria, Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, and Madrid and out of them all I still love New York. I wrote "NYC or Bust" on my college graduation cap in 2004. At the time I was just really set on the fact that I wanted to go to New York. I applied to a school there and really just expected to get in. Well I didn't and I was heart broken. Then another opportunity to get in came along but it didn't work out and I didn't get in to the school I was hoping to go to. So I decided to try again for the next school year. But I didn't get in again. I ended up going to Ohio for grad school. Then I moved to DC after graduation and thought that I would just make a life there and be there for the rest of my life. I was there to stay. But that didn't go as planned either. So while I was looking for jobs I decided to apply for New York jobs as well since it was not clear that I would definitely find something in DC. I got a job interview at a museum in New York. I was so excited. I could not have been more thrilled or happy. But I didn't get that job and I was heartbroken again. I thought my dream of New York was done forever. But then I moved, unexpectedly, to New Jersey. I was closer than ever to New York and I really thought that sure this time, being that close by that I would find something. I went in for interviews and had my resume considered by some prestigious institutions but nothing came of it. I was just so discontent at the fact that my New York dreams were being dashed just like the DC dreams that I had and I felt like it was so unfair because I was working really hard to try and make it work. I had applied for several part time jobs and I thought to myself, if I can just get those three jobs I can make it. I was willing to do whatever I had to do to be able to stay in New York. But then I moved, unexpectedly again, to North Carolina. Even FURTHER away from New York and it really looked like the end then. I have been looking for jobs here and I have tried to abandon my dreams of ever working in New York or ever working in a museum. I constantly think about just giving up on those dreams because they seem so impossible and my pursuit of them has not yielded anything tangible thus far. But whenever I try to give up on those dreams I can't. They are buried too deep within me. They are a part of me. I desire with my whole being to work in a museum and be a curator. I desire with my whole being to live in New York and be a New Yorker. I can't separate myself from those dreams because they are me. All of this was sparked by a song that played while pictures of my mom's friend's life were played in a power point. There was a song that spoke about dreams coming true even when at one time they seemed like they were within grasp only to be yanked away. I have been there so many times it has stopped being ironic. I have had hope and believed that finally I had applied for the perfect job that I was qualified to do and then have received an email, a letter, or have not received an email or letter that confirmed that I had not been chosen. I keep thinking when is it going to be my turn to realize my dreams. I feel like I have had to go through so much when it seems like other people have simply waltzed into the exact same thing that I have been fighting for. It has been a really long and difficult road. But even so I am not prepared to give up on my dreams. I am not prepared to just let them go. If anything I am more convinced that I need to do everything that is within my ability to do to make them happen. I believe my dreams and goals are worth it. And I also believe that the Lord placed those dreams and desires within me. So I really believe that those dreams will come to pass no matter how impossible they seem.
Have you ever had a dream that you have tried to accomplish and have been unable to and then have abandoned? I have been there and done that but the dreams are hard to suppress because I want for them to come true so badly. One of the dreams that I have spoken about on my blog is living and working in NYC. I love NYC and just feel so at home and comfortable there. I love the food, the subway, Brooklyn, Broadway, Sylvia's, Lindy's, Citi Field, the bridges, Coney Island, Nathan's, and all the different sub-sections of Manhattan. To me it is the greatest place in the whole world. I have been to London, Paris, Amsterdam, Cairo, Alexandria, Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, and Madrid and out of them all I still love New York. I wrote "NYC or Bust" on my college graduation cap in 2004. At the time I was just really set on the fact that I wanted to go to New York. I applied to a school there and really just expected to get in. Well I didn't and I was heart broken. Then another opportunity to get in came along but it didn't work out and I didn't get in to the school I was hoping to go to. So I decided to try again for the next school year. But I didn't get in again. I ended up going to Ohio for grad school. Then I moved to DC after graduation and thought that I would just make a life there and be there for the rest of my life. I was there to stay. But that didn't go as planned either. So while I was looking for jobs I decided to apply for New York jobs as well since it was not clear that I would definitely find something in DC. I got a job interview at a museum in New York. I was so excited. I could not have been more thrilled or happy. But I didn't get that job and I was heartbroken again. I thought my dream of New York was done forever. But then I moved, unexpectedly, to New Jersey. I was closer than ever to New York and I really thought that sure this time, being that close by that I would find something. I went in for interviews and had my resume considered by some prestigious institutions but nothing came of it. I was just so discontent at the fact that my New York dreams were being dashed just like the DC dreams that I had and I felt like it was so unfair because I was working really hard to try and make it work. I had applied for several part time jobs and I thought to myself, if I can just get those three jobs I can make it. I was willing to do whatever I had to do to be able to stay in New York. But then I moved, unexpectedly again, to North Carolina. Even FURTHER away from New York and it really looked like the end then. I have been looking for jobs here and I have tried to abandon my dreams of ever working in New York or ever working in a museum. I constantly think about just giving up on those dreams because they seem so impossible and my pursuit of them has not yielded anything tangible thus far. But whenever I try to give up on those dreams I can't. They are buried too deep within me. They are a part of me. I desire with my whole being to work in a museum and be a curator. I desire with my whole being to live in New York and be a New Yorker. I can't separate myself from those dreams because they are me. All of this was sparked by a song that played while pictures of my mom's friend's life were played in a power point. There was a song that spoke about dreams coming true even when at one time they seemed like they were within grasp only to be yanked away. I have been there so many times it has stopped being ironic. I have had hope and believed that finally I had applied for the perfect job that I was qualified to do and then have received an email, a letter, or have not received an email or letter that confirmed that I had not been chosen. I keep thinking when is it going to be my turn to realize my dreams. I feel like I have had to go through so much when it seems like other people have simply waltzed into the exact same thing that I have been fighting for. It has been a really long and difficult road. But even so I am not prepared to give up on my dreams. I am not prepared to just let them go. If anything I am more convinced that I need to do everything that is within my ability to do to make them happen. I believe my dreams and goals are worth it. And I also believe that the Lord placed those dreams and desires within me. So I really believe that those dreams will come to pass no matter how impossible they seem.
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