Well that was certainly a fast countdown. It seems like just yesterday I was writing that it was 6 months to 30, then three months, and then one month and now there are less than 24 hours. But I am totally fine with it. I am excited about 30 and I am looking forward to the next decade of my life. This morning I was thinking about how there are so many people who have not made it to 30 and how I am fortunate in that I have made it to this point of my life. Also as I keep reminding myself through this blog I really do believe that as my friend Katie says, "3-0 will rock." I'm excited about the fact that I am coming into my own time. I really believe that that is what 30 will be for me. I believe it will be a time of fulfillment and purpose and growing and coming into an acceptance and understanding of myself and what the Lord has in store for me. So I am looking forward to it with anticipation.
It was interesting this morning and also Tuesday morning how I did devotions about waiting. I have been trying to get a "real" for the last four years. I have applied for numerous positions only to be turned down through email, letter, or non-response. It's been frustrating and hard to deal with because I haven't known what God's plan is in all of this. I try to say things, "Like surely you don't want me to be broke, do you Lord?" But He is not moved by these childish games. And so I have had to just come to a place of waiting and it is really hard. It's even harder knowing something is coming but you don't know what it is or when it is going to come. I read a devotion from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest on January 3 that was about just waiting and not trying to fill yourself with busyness when God is having you wait. Chambers also said that you should most importantly not try to take matters into your own hands and "fix" it yourself because you could cause years of damage and heartbreak if you do. I thought about it that day and then I forgot about it. And in the mean time I was reminded by my mother how I needed a job and didn't have any money and was about to turn 30. All of which created panic and uneasiness in me. And so I began to devise a plan for how to "fix" it. I thought, "Well I will just hire a headhunter and tell them that I will take any job, anywhere so long as it gets me out of Charlotte." But God not so subtly reminded me this morning through a devotion on Abraham and Sarah that some things are well worth the wait. I don't want to create and Ishmael waiting for an Isaac. Sarah and Abraham didn't trust God because they looked at the circumstances. They were old. It had been 24 years since God had told them that He would give them their own offspring. Things were looking and feeling pretty dim. But God kept reminding them that He would do what He said He would do. But Abraham and Sarah were impatient so they tried to "help" God with His plan. Which led to years of damage and heartbreak and generations of turmoil that continues today between Abraham's two sons' descendants. I think the Lord's message to me was, "Just sit back and relax and let me take care of it because you will screw it up on your own." I am totally content with that too. It was good to be reminded that even when we think we have the best of intentions that sometimes all we are doing is setting ourselves up for heartbreak and failure. I have waited too long to put myself back at square 1 so I will just take God's nudging to wait patiently to heart and trust that things are really going to change this time. I so get where Abraham and Sarah were because it's one thing when it takes a few weeks or months for changes to occur but when it takes years that it something that especially in this generation we are not equipped for. We expect things to happen quickly with little waiting involved if at all. So I am sure that if there were new year celebrations in Mamre, where Abraham lived, he probably was thinking, "Is this going to be the year that we have a child or are we going to have to finish this year without seeing anything happen too?" I have thought that same thing myself over the last several years. I have been kept in yearly suspense wondering if this is the year things will change. And 2010 and 2011 were not those years. But I do really believe that 2012 will be different and I don't need to try to "help" God along in whatever His plan for me is. I have to keep hope alive, no matter how long it takes for the promises to be fulfilled. But I do believe that this year will be a year of manifestation of the promises God has given me in my life.
So going back to turning 30. I think the important thing is just to wait on the Lord and know that His timing is perfect, His promises are true, and that He can do more with me than I can do for or by myself. I'd rather have God setting things up and being the responsible one for getting me to where I have to go. So I have to be content to wait until it's the right time. That is how I am ending my twenties, waiting on God but believing that He will come through. I think that's a pretty good ending.
It was interesting this morning and also Tuesday morning how I did devotions about waiting. I have been trying to get a "real" for the last four years. I have applied for numerous positions only to be turned down through email, letter, or non-response. It's been frustrating and hard to deal with because I haven't known what God's plan is in all of this. I try to say things, "Like surely you don't want me to be broke, do you Lord?" But He is not moved by these childish games. And so I have had to just come to a place of waiting and it is really hard. It's even harder knowing something is coming but you don't know what it is or when it is going to come. I read a devotion from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest on January 3 that was about just waiting and not trying to fill yourself with busyness when God is having you wait. Chambers also said that you should most importantly not try to take matters into your own hands and "fix" it yourself because you could cause years of damage and heartbreak if you do. I thought about it that day and then I forgot about it. And in the mean time I was reminded by my mother how I needed a job and didn't have any money and was about to turn 30. All of which created panic and uneasiness in me. And so I began to devise a plan for how to "fix" it. I thought, "Well I will just hire a headhunter and tell them that I will take any job, anywhere so long as it gets me out of Charlotte." But God not so subtly reminded me this morning through a devotion on Abraham and Sarah that some things are well worth the wait. I don't want to create and Ishmael waiting for an Isaac. Sarah and Abraham didn't trust God because they looked at the circumstances. They were old. It had been 24 years since God had told them that He would give them their own offspring. Things were looking and feeling pretty dim. But God kept reminding them that He would do what He said He would do. But Abraham and Sarah were impatient so they tried to "help" God with His plan. Which led to years of damage and heartbreak and generations of turmoil that continues today between Abraham's two sons' descendants. I think the Lord's message to me was, "Just sit back and relax and let me take care of it because you will screw it up on your own." I am totally content with that too. It was good to be reminded that even when we think we have the best of intentions that sometimes all we are doing is setting ourselves up for heartbreak and failure. I have waited too long to put myself back at square 1 so I will just take God's nudging to wait patiently to heart and trust that things are really going to change this time. I so get where Abraham and Sarah were because it's one thing when it takes a few weeks or months for changes to occur but when it takes years that it something that especially in this generation we are not equipped for. We expect things to happen quickly with little waiting involved if at all. So I am sure that if there were new year celebrations in Mamre, where Abraham lived, he probably was thinking, "Is this going to be the year that we have a child or are we going to have to finish this year without seeing anything happen too?" I have thought that same thing myself over the last several years. I have been kept in yearly suspense wondering if this is the year things will change. And 2010 and 2011 were not those years. But I do really believe that 2012 will be different and I don't need to try to "help" God along in whatever His plan for me is. I have to keep hope alive, no matter how long it takes for the promises to be fulfilled. But I do believe that this year will be a year of manifestation of the promises God has given me in my life.
So going back to turning 30. I think the important thing is just to wait on the Lord and know that His timing is perfect, His promises are true, and that He can do more with me than I can do for or by myself. I'd rather have God setting things up and being the responsible one for getting me to where I have to go. So I have to be content to wait until it's the right time. That is how I am ending my twenties, waiting on God but believing that He will come through. I think that's a pretty good ending.
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