Waiting Is Not Easy

Today I was reading in my book "He Speaks to Me" by Priscilla Shirer. She was talking about how we prepare ourselves to hear from God. One of the ways in which we can do this is by waiting for Him to speak or to move. Often times we are too busy trying to make things happen on our own that we get into the habit of relying on ourselves but if we will abandon that and get into the habit of waiting for God then we can see amazing things happen in our lives. When I read all of the things that she was saying about waiting and the fact that waiting was not an easy task to be called to I was so excited! Because I felt validated. In the past year I have been telling people that I was in a waiting period. I had exhausted myself and all of my efforts trying to get a job and trying to figure out where to live and how to pay bills I owe and finally I just came to the conclusion that I was not going to be able to do any of these things. I prayed and asked the Lord to help me and show me what to do. The result has been a year and half of waiting. It definitely has not been easy or fun but I believe it has been the right thing to do and then when I read the portion of Priscilla's book that spoke about waiting I felt that it was confirmed for me that waiting was the right thing to do during this last year even til now. Priscilla's book is amazing because so many times during this book I have felt that she was "reading my mail." She just hit the nail on the head so many times and perfectly described my situation to me. I feel like through her book several situations that I have been through have been explained or further illuminated to me. But given that the last year and a half of my life has been a waiting period the waiting portion really stuck out to me and made me feel better. I think that the Lord is reminding me and telling me to hold on and persevere through the difficult times of not knowing and not being able to answer questions like what am I going to do and where am I going to live and how will I pay these bills I owe and I don't want to have to be 30 and living with either or both of my parents and many other questions. This past weekend I was reminded by my Cousin Jean that even though I'm on the backburner right now there is something really great ahead. She even reminded me again to write down the things that I'm experiencing because when the clouds clear the blessing will be so great it will be hard to remember the journey. I heard a message just a few weeks ago that also brought this point home to me. Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church in Charlotte was speaking about the journey of Abraham's servant to get a wife for Isaac. The servant had a journey that lasted at least 30 days and was a long, treacherous, and difficult road to get to where Abraham wanted him to go to get a wife for Isaac. But the Scripture does not mention his journey at all. It mentions that he made the trip and the Lord blessed him to find the woman he was searching for for Isaac. I was greatly encouraged because the last 4 years (from June of 2007 to now) have been extremely difficult and hard to bear at times. I take comfort in knowing that there is a blessing so great in my future that it would make me forget these past four years! That is amazing and something that only God could do! I look forward to seeing it too! I know it will happen precisely when God means for it to happen and not a minute before or after, so I have resolved just to wait until that time. I'm really thankful and grateful that the Lord has graciously provided answers to long burning questions and that He is leading me, guiding me, and directing me.

There's No Place Like Home

This weekend was awesome and today was fantastic. My uncle, my mom and I traveled to Greensboro on Saturday and visited with loved ones we had not seen in a long time. Unfortunately the last time my mom and uncle saw them was at a funeral for one of the family's siblings and their cousin. So we traveled back in order to show support and to let them know we care for and about them. This morning I was really excited and a little nervous because we were going to my mom's home church, Mt. Carmel Holiness Church in Madison, NC. I had not been to Mt. Carmel in years. But it's still in the same place, in the same building, with the same smiling friendly faces and same pastor. We walked in during the worship service and immediately saw our family members around us and in the front of the church. I saw my great Aunt Ramona, my cousin Glen and Jean, my cousin Harold, my cousin Ronnie, and several cousins I didn't remember or know. But even though we had not been there in a long time and the last occasions we were there were for funerals it felt like home. We had a good service and we were happy to see everyone and they were happy to see us too. My cousin Jean sang in the choir, my Aunt Ramona anointed people with oil and my cousin Glen preached the message. And I thought about how several generations of my family have passed through those doors over the years and then several generations passed through those doors today. You can go home again.

It was such a blessing for all of us to be reunited with one another. The times that we see each other have been few and far between. And in the last year I have felt so disconnected from my family members, not just my extended family but my immediate family as well. So it was nice to have family that welcomes you with open arms and tells you that they care for you and are concerned with your well being. They were so loving and so gracious. It's just nice to know that there are people who care and who are happy and excited to see you.

I was also happy to be with generations of God-fearing women in my family who have weathered their own storms and lived to tell about it. It gives me strength and encouragement to keep going and to keep pressing on until I make it. I draw strength from knowing that they have been where I am and have succeeded.

I was really glad to see my family and really glad to go home again.

I Want to See THIS Movie

Too Busy to Blog

Usually on this blog I am complaining or lamenting the fact that I don't have anything to do but in the last week and a half that has not been the case. I have been working away on completing the first stages of the new leg of my project. I had to research and communicate with some institutions about the cost of obtaining the images we want for the exhibition and I had to search for the last few images that we need to complete the project. All in all it has been great because I have been able to do something that I really care about and be able to feel useful again. I feel like I have a bigger purpose each day than just being awake or keeping the house clean. It's nice to know that I am contributing to something bigger. I have also been keeping a pretty nifty project database and was commended on it last week. So I felt good. I needed the affirmation. I had felt really overwhelmed when I learned what this part of the project was going to be because finding the images was not as difficult as trying to negotiate costs and availability of the images and then keeping track of all of them and making sure that we have information for each one that allows for as seamless a purchase process as possible. It's a new experience and one that in the other places I've worked that the registrar did. So I feel like I got a little promotion by actually still being involved in this part of the project.

Meanwhile summer is about to set into the Carolinas. I have spent the past summer in New Jersey and the previous two summers in DC. I have not experiences a Carolina summer in a long time. So I am trying to remember my sunblock and to dress coolly. Fortunately we have not been experiencing the heatwave that other cities around the US have been feeling but we have had some 90+ degree days that have felt like 100 degrees. It's still nice now in terms of it being a dry heat. I don't know what I'll do when the humidity sets in. Then it will really be a Carolina summer. But I have to say that I have really enjoyed my time here and I am glad that the Lord brought me here for the time that He did. I don't know how much longer I will be staying in Charlotte but I have to say that it has been nice getting reacquainted with Charlotte and I have a much deeper appreciation for it now than I did before I came. So I am thankful for that.

After All Tomorrow is Another Day

Today has gone by fairly quick. I think that is thanks in part to the workmen who have been here sine about 8:30 am fixing and completing the renovations on my mother's house. I have been trying to find a quiet corner to do my own thing in and for the most part have succeeded. I've been thinking a lot about the fact that I learned yesterday that my dad won't be relocating to Kentucky as I thought he would but that at least for now he will be in New Jersey. But I know that he is not wanting to remain in New Jersey for much longer. Of course this has me wondering, pondering, and slightly reasoning what will happen in the future. How quickly and when will things change? Will it be gradual or sudden? What do I need to be doing now in order to prepare for this? These questions have been floating around in my mind throughout the night and the morning. I believe that I will have answers to all of those questions in due time. And in the mean time I am going to look for jobs and I am going to keep praying and believing and casting my care on the Lord. Today as I was praying I was reminded of the words that the Lord gave me last year in regard to my life and I was comforted by them because they spoke to all the challenges that I am facing and helped me to remember that God has a plan, His plan is the best plan, and that all of these things will be worked out. There's a verse in the Bible that reminds us to not grow weary in well doing for at the proper time we'll reap a harvest if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9). I think that is where I am in this process. I believe that I am doing the right things and seeking the Lord to help me and lead and guide me to know what to do. I had hoped and believed that things would have turned around by now, that something would be different at this point but I'm still waiting for some major needs to be met and some big turnarounds to happen but that doesn't mean that they won't it just means that there is a little longer to wait and hold on. It is not an easy thing but it is what will work out for the best in the end. Yesterday and today I was reading some books that made reference to Abraham and Sarah in Genesis. If ever there were a story about how to wait patiently and why you should wait patiently theirs is it. Abraham wanted a child with Sarah but they were barren. God told them that He would give them a son. Throughout the story of Abraham God reminds him several times that He will keep His promise. Understandably Abraham was wondering when it was going to happen because He was already approaching old age. If you know the story you know that Abraham and Sarah took matters into their own hands by introducing Hagar. Abraham had a son, Ishmael with her and Abraham and Sarah thought that they had accomplished their goal. But God told them that He would give the two of them together a child. And He did when Abraham was 100 and Sarah was 90. They had waited 25 years for their son to be born. That's a long time. I know that they grew weary and probably wanted to give up many times but they trusted the Lord. They made a bad decision along the way but God still kept His promise to them and gave them the child that they wanted. I think that if Abraham can wait for 25 years I can wait however long it takes for my situation to work out and I just have to keep pressing on day by day.

This is Not A Nod of Agreement but of Understanding

God knows exactly what you need and when you need it. This evening I had a conversation with a family member and they were telling me all the things I needed to do in order to get employed and in order to make it. I can understand their thinking and the logic behind what they were saying but I do not agree with it. As they were speaking the things that I have been learning over the past few weeks began to come back to me. First of all this person was reasoning. They were trying to figure things out and create a plan when they need to just let me trust God to get me where I need to be. I'm doing what I can and I believe that God will do the rest. So I was thankful for the Lord teaching me about my own reasoning and then helping me to see when other people are using it for me. Then I was struck by what I had just learned about casting my cares on the Lord. This person was talking about all the what ifs in my life and how they couldn't see things working out if I didn't do this or didn't do that and that I wouldn't be able to get out of where I am without going down a certain route. So I was thankful that last week God taught me about letting go and casting every burden I have on Him. He knows where I am, He knows my situation better than I do, and He knows exactly how it will turn out and I believe that it will turn out for my good and that I won't have to go through or have to do the things this person is talking about to get where I am going or to accomplish my goals. Then Battlefield of the Mind came back to me. This morning I read about Wilderness Mentalities and how one of them is thinking that your future depends on your past or your present but learning that it really does not. This person was essentially telling me that because of where I have been and where I am that there was not a way to get to the future that I want without doing what they were telling me to do. I'm really glad that this morning in Battlefield of the Mind Joyce Meyer advised that we should listen to God about our future and not everybody else. Thanks God and Joyce for that one. Then the last thing that was paralleled from something I read earlier today was my reading about Job. I am reading the book of Job as I make my way through the Old Testament this year. In today's selection from Job his friends were pondering and then telling him why they thought God was punishing him or against him. In the end of the book God tells Job his friends were wrong. The truths that God has been showing me over the past week I think were in preparation for the times over the last two weeks when I have had people trying to speak to me about my future and what I can and can't do. I thank the Lord for reminding me that He is in control and they are not because they have some pretty grim and low notions of where I should be and will be but I know that I am going from glory to glory. Just like Joseph I am going from the pit to the palace! But seriously I am really glad that God informed, helped, led and guided me to be able to make it through this conversation tonight and the ones that I have encountered in the last two weeks because there was definitely a time in my life when the comments these people made would have completely emotionally shattered me but I know that I have accepted my own truth. What is true to them is not necessarily what is true to me, so I am thankful that God prepared me for getting past their words and relying on His words. I don't have a clue or a plan for the future yet but I believe that there is one and when it's time it will be revealed.

Accepting Your Own Truth

Now before your scrunch up your face and wonder if I am delving into some New Age speech;let me explain. Yesterday I got an email from a family member for a job. I thought okay I will look at it. The job was working in a warehouse in NJ, second shift, mandatory overtime, being able to lift 75lbs, and operating some kind of equipment. Now I know you may be thinking that it's a job and at times like these you can't afford to be choosey. I beg to differ! I rebuke that job in the name of Jesus! Why? Because that job is not my next step. I have cried too much, sown too much, stayed awake too long, and prayed too hard to be working part time in a warehouse. My next step is taking me and moving me closer to my destiny, in Jesus name! But I was struck again by the thought of accepting your own truth when I was listening to a Kenneth Copeland message in which he was talking about how parents raise their children to believe that they can do and be anything they want to be. The reason he says that this kind of thinking is wrong is because you cannot be ANYTHING you WANT to be but you can be EVERYTHING that GOD has CALLED you to be. We have heard it a million times especially our generation that if we put our minds to it and we work hard we can accomplish anything. According to that way of thinking if you want to be something that you are not necessarily called to be then you will end up frustrated and disappointed. But if you will commit all your ways to God and ask Him to reveal what He has in store for you, you will be fulfilled and satisfied. I have had many people to tell me to just move on from my museum dream and to just take whatever I can get. And for a while I accepted that kind of thinking and I tried to do whatever I could to just find something, so I would have money, and people would think better about me and I wouldn't feel so bad. In the words of Dr. Phil, "How's that workin' for ya?" My reply, "It's not." It has not worked and believe me I have tried to apply for anything and everything to no avail. And I use to feel bad about that but I don't anymore. Why? Because those jobs were not for me. The most interesting thing is that in the last year I have worked one job, a part-time job, and I never applied for it. It came to me. If that's not God you tell me what is. I called everyone I knew, I called people I didn't know, I searched day and night for positions, I spent money I didn't have going to interviews for jobs that never called back, and I cried all the time for a year. But God is faithful and I have worked three times for someone who believed in me enough to take a chance on me. I have only met them twice and when I think that I am done and moving on from the project it has come back into my life. God knows how to position you exactly where he wants you for what he has for you. What God has for you is for you and nobody can take that away. So at this point I am excited to see where my next step takes me because I have sowed in tears and I have waited hopefully, patiently and expectantly for this. Don't let anyone keep you from believing what you hold to be true, if it is God's will for you He will make it happen against all the odds!

"Let God speak to you about your future-not everyone else." - Joyce Meyer (Battlefield of the Mind)

"Think and speak about your future in a positive way, according to what God has placed in your heart, and not according to what you have seen in the past or are seeing even now in the present." - Joyce Meyer (Battlefield of the Mind)