Good Grief

Today I very much do feel like Charlie Brown. I have applied for maybe a dozen positions in the last two months, possibly more, but I have not heard positive feedback from any. What is going on? Have you ever felt that every attempt that you make at trying to be positive and move your life into a better direction has been derailed mysteriously and without good reason. I have applied for several museum jobs because that is what I want to do but I have applied for jobs at several well known retailers as well. I am certain that I can restock shelves and fold clothes but nonetheless the merry-go round of unemployment continues. So I have been feeling lately a little like Charlie Brown with a bit of Murphy's Law mixed in. And I can't help but think what did I do to deserve this (Hello, Pet Shop Boys). I really can't think of anything I've done so horribly bad that I deserve this punishment. That is what it feels like, punishment. But nevertheless I keep applying for positions and making phone calls in hopes that someone out there will say, "This person is exactly what we need here!" Is that so much to ask for?

I am not blind or unaware that many 20somethings are in position and even 30somethings and 40somethings and 50somethings too. What I do know is that not for a lack of trying I have not been able to catch a break and I know that there are jobs out there because people I know have gotten jobs in the time that I have been looking. The worst of it is the fact that people in my life have taken it upon themselves to try and "help" me. The suggestions are not helpful but the fact that they care is. I have been sent job announcements for loading trucks in Baltimore, an unpaid summer internship in California, and have been told to see if the Post Office is hiring. These are all good suggestions in their own right but I worked really hard for six years in school to get the job that I wanted not a meantime job and maybe someday I'll get to do what I really want to do. Why do I have to wait when there are people out there who are getting to do exactly what they went to school to do and exactly what they want to do. And like I said I haven't been that picky I have been applying to retailers and other companies that I normally would never have considered. It just seems that if I am in this far I should keep chasing the dream. But what do I have to do to get there?

I am thankful that I do have a safety net. I am living with my dad and although I need desperately to pay my bills I won't be homeless or starving anytime soon. I am thankful that I have my basic necessities. But I would definitely like to be back on track to living the life that I would like to have rather than a stripped down version of one that I had never even thought about.