Do What You Can

Today I got my new Joyce Meyer devotional. I know, I know, you say, "But you already have two of them. Yes, but I am stopping at 3." The devotion for today was to stop being lazy and to do what you can to get to where you want to be. It was very timely advice. Joyce wrote that laziness is rooted in fear and so often times lazy people are just afraid so they do nothing. It's hard to admit but I have repeated this pattern on and off for a really long time. I'll be really gung-ho about something and then completely fall off the wagon especially when my efforts fail. I think it's hard when anyone is giving it all they got for a long time with no results and it's hard to stay motivated to keep doing it. But I realize that it is necessary to do and so I need to make a commitment to myself and the Lord to get up and do what I can with what I have. Joyce also spoke about spiritual laws namely the law of sowing and reaping. You don't reap what you don't sow. So I realized that I need to make some changes in my life and sow what I can in order to reap what I need. Interestingly, Pastor J was talking about the same thing this past weekend at church and he talked about the law of sowing and reaping and about not being lazy and about sowing what you can and if you have nothing pray for God to bless you with something that you can sow in order to be able to receive the blessing. So I think I better get on it and start sowing no matter what is going on around me. I am emotionally exhausted. I am physically exhausted. And I am somewhat spiritually exhausted as well. Everyday I have to get pumped up like a tire through study and prayer. It's tough. But I know that I can't continue the same way that I have been and I need a miraculous change in my life so I have to create an atmosphere to be able to have that. So I have to make changes and stick with them this time and not fall off the wagon.

Another thing that happened today was that I watched Oprah, which I have been doing a lot of lately but because she's having all of these amazing shows because it's the final season. But today was the continuation of her conversation with Iyanla Vanzant. I really don't remember when Iyanla used to be on Oprah. I was in high school and busy and didn't really watch Oprah then. But last week they had this show that was a conversation of all this past misunderstanding that the two of them had,. Today was the continuation talking about what Iyanla went through professionally and privately during the last 11 years. She got divorced, her daughter died, and she lost her multi-million dollar fortune. As I listened to all the storms that she had to weather in the past decade suddenly I had some perspective about the fact that I have been through a tough time but not like that. Iyanla has suffered in Job-like proportions. So I definitely had an "ah-ha" moment as to the fact that I didn't need to keep complaining or wallowing in self-pity. She also shared about her relationships with people and her relationship with money and how she didn't know enough to make the right decisions but now she realizes that she had to go through some things in order to be able to learn who she really was and in order to learn some lessons that she needed to learn in order to be able to do better in the future. I was really inspired by her and really felt deep sympathy and appreciation for what she has been through. And I realized that some of the same lessons that she had learned through her negative experiences I have learned also through my own negative experiences. I was really moved by the fact that she said that the lessons she learned made her who she is and was meant to be because I definitely feel like I have had the same experience as well. I have not enjoyed all of the experiences but I needed to be smelted in the fire so I could come out purified on the other side. And Iyanla also made the point of saying that she needed to learn the lessons from these past years for the future because she may be in a bad place right now but it's not where she's going to end up. I loved that. You really do have to visualize where you want to be and then speak with your mouth what you want. It's so important that your thoughts and words line up with God's word and then with each other. You can't dream or visualize what you want and then not say and do things that will help make the dreams reality. Iyanla's story really moved me and I think that I needed to see that 1) she had been through IT 2) she hasn't stayed focused on it she's kept it moving 3) she knows that there is more for her to accomplish in life. Pastor J says it like this: Your best days are ahead of you not behind you! I am looking forward to, confessing, and going to do what I can to experience better days ahead!

Keep It Moving

I don't really have anything to blog about but I figuered writing is better than not and I haven't written in a while. So in the last couple of weeks I have begun working on the finishing up of the photo research project. I have found some great images but some are more difficult to find and that can be frustrating at times. But I think things are moving along well and the Lord has really helped me to find some of these more difficult things because when I first thougt about having to find them I just felt overwhlemed. But now I am back into the swing of things. So I am really happy about that. I have about two more weeks of project left and then I don't know what will happen after that. But I am trying to gather the motivation to keep the momentum up. I don't want to be one of the 4 million who have given up. So I need to keep looking and it might mean that I have to look in some places that I haven't considered before. However, I know that the Lord will lead me to wherever I need to be and that I shouldn't be afraid of the future.

I am currently reading the book Power Thoughts by Joyce Meyer. I am on the 4th power thought now but the 3rd one was I will not live in fear. And then this weekend I had a devotional about not living or operating in fear and then we also had a sermon on not living in fear at church. So I think my word for right now is not to fear. I do have to admit that at times I am given over to fear about different things. I fear about what if things don't work out in the future. I fear about what if things do work out in the future and the fear about getting back to work after being out so long and how will I handle it. I think one of the reasons I give in to fearful thinking is because of how things have worked out in the past. But I realize that I can't operate based on how things have happend in the past. I have to leave the past behind and I have to look forward to the future. I also fear about not living in New York. It really is a dream of mine and I have been chasing it for a long time. But I know that I will survive even if I don't move there. I'd rather be where I'm supposed to be rather than try to make it work where I don't belong. So I know that instead of fearing I need to trust that God has a plan for me and that He won't lead me to anything that I can't handle or won't find some joy in even if it looks completely different from anything that I have imagined. So I'm ready. A couple of weeks ago I kept getting the message of being available and saying, "Here, I am." And now the message seems to be "Don't be afraid." And if that weren't enough I am in the process of reading the settlement of the land of Canaan by the Israelites during which God instructed Moses and then Joshua not to be afraid because He was leading them. So I need to take a cue from that and not fear but trust and believe.So I need to be more motivated, more productive and just know that things are working out.

Welcome to Harlem

Tomorrow is the opening of the exhibition "Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing" at Museum of the City of New York. I am really excited about the fact that it is here because I was able to work on it for six months in 2009. I was really excited about working on it because I had wanted to work at National Museum of African American History and Culture since I moved to DC in 2007. So it was the realization of a dream to be able to work with that museum and to be able to work on one of their first exhibitions. I learned a lot about working on an exhibition and I learned a lot about the Apollo and Harlem. I enjoyed being a part of the exhibition team as well. I look forward to seeing the completed project and I am excited that it will be only a few blocks from where the actual Apollo theater is. It gives me a hope that there will be more times in my life in the future when I am excited about exhibition opens because I will have been able to have helped make them possible by working on them. If you live in New York or New Jersey and can get to the museum I suggest that you see this exhibit while it's here. It's going to be an amazing exhibition!

http://www.mcny.org/exhibitions/future/Apollo-Theater.html

Never Give Up

Today I finished my latest Joyce Meyer book "Never Give Up". It was really good and I really learned a lot and was encouraged by it. I had almost picked it up a year ago but I got a Joel Osteen book instead. So I was really excited to get this book as a Christmas present. In the book Joyce covers many topics that concern going through difficult times and remaining committed to your goals even when it gets tough. And she recognizes that sometimes it is more difficult than we think it will be and we do feel like giving up because it feels too hard but during those times we have to cling to the Lord and trust in him to see us through and also not give in to our feelings. She also gives some examples of people that never gave up like Florence Nightingale, Andrew Carnegie,Sojourner Truth and Joyce, herself. It was a really great book and just one of several that I have read within the last month that seem to have been written for me directly.

This evening on the news they were talking about how the amount of jobs that the federal government had hoped to add to the national number was 100,000 but they were only able to add 36,000. A significant falling short of the desired number. In addition they said that peope had become so discouraged that they estimated that 4 million people had given up on job searching. The first thing that came to my mind was that I did not want to be in that statistic. I think that at one time I probably was a part of that statistic and I had given up hope of being able to find a job and I was discouraged and hopeless. But I decided that I was going to rely on the Lord and that I would look to him to lead me and guide me in this process and that I would just have to believe that he would work it out for me.

In Joyce's book she encourages people who are going through difficult times to not give up hope. Although it is difficult to keep your hope up it's important because if you are hopeful you can maintain a positive attitude and a positive outlook for your future. You may have no idea what the future holds but you can be sure of the fact that it holds good things for you. So keep up your hope and never give up!

"Never, never, never, give up." - Winston Churchill

George Costanza

Last night I was watching an episode of Seinfeld. It was the one where Jerry and George were casting for their pilot of the "series" Jerry. George was at his therapist's office and he was convinced that because his life was going so well that God would strike him dead so that he wouldn't be happy. George's therapist said that she thought that George didn't believe in God, to which George responded t

hat he believed in him for the bad things. I think that unfortunately a lot of people share George's view. When things are going well they believe it's themselves or luck or the universe that is on their side and they don't question things going their way. Just like George who was so excited about all the good things going on that he thought that something must be about to go wrong. When things do go wrong people always seem to blame God and want to know if he's so good why does he let bad things happen. It's sad that God gets all the blame for the bad but none of the credit for the good and people have lost sight of the fact that if you keep God first that it won't necessarily protect you from bad things happening but it will help you get through the bad times when they happen. It was funny in a way to see George's usual over the top reaction to everything. But then I had a flash back to my own life almost three years ago. My contract at the museum I was working with unexpectedly didn't get renewed and in a matter of minutes I was out of the job that provided the bulk of my income. I felt so sure that I would get another job within a few months that I wasn't worried or distressed at all. But then I went on several interviews and applied for a number of jobs and I didn't hear back from any of them. After a few months of this and money growing scarily sparse I began to scream and rant like George. Just a year before I had been thanking God and so happy that my dream of moving to DC had come true and that I was working for the museum that I wanted to work for and I was praying and believing that I would get the full time museum job that I really wanted. When that didn't happen I was discouraged and angry because I felt like God had abandoned me and I wondered why he was punishing me. I had lost sight of the fact that I was so happy when God had provided but forgot to trust him when things were not going so well. Eventually I came to my senses and I had to make a choice of whether or not I was going to stick it out with God or just give up. I'm really glad that I didn't give up even though many times I felt like I would rather be dead than to go on another day because it was so difficult. But I made it through those tough times and I still have tough times now but I handle them better than I used to. And it has been three years and I am still believing for a breakthrough but I now know that God had not abandoned me or punished me but that I had to do some growing up and development of my personal faith. I also had to learn to trust in the Lord and not myself which was a hard lesson to learn. But now I realize more than ever that I cannot do it on my own and things will work out a lot better if I wait for the Lord to tell me what to do or take care of the situation for me. I'm glad I am not George anymore. Even though George is a hilarious character on TV I fear that there are too many people who live life like George always blaming everyone else when things don't go there way and living life dissatisfied and in a constant state of unhappiness. The great thing is that we can choose to be George or not be George, the choice is ours.

Is It February All Ready?

Geez! I can't believe that it is already February. Time is going by so quickly but I can say that this year has gotten off to a great start. There were some bumps in the road at the beginning but January was a great month and probably the best start to a year that I have had since 2008. I think that is progress. And it makes me happy because a man that came to our church said that the way you start out the year can set the tone for the whole year. And I really do believe that this year is going to be a good year. This past weekend our guest minister spoke about holding on. He was saying that even when you feel like giving up, don't because you never know how close you are. He spoke about being immovable and unshakable. He said that you often find that challanges and trials will come and completely shake or strip your whole world but if you will remain immovable and unshakable in your faith then you will know that you can make it through anything and that you will see a better day ahead. It can get heavy at times trying to deal with things in your life especially when they come all at once and you can't see a way out and all the things that you try to do to get out don't work. But if you hold on and exercise faith then you will see a change for the good. That's where I am. I am holding on and exercising faith and believing that things are getting better everyday and every month even when they look the same.

Just Glad I Made It Back

Yesterday I got to go to New York. I had to get some research materials and had a business meeting for a project that I am working on. I tried to go to sleep the night before but for some reason it was a sleepless night. Right when I was beginning to settle down I heard my alarm go off. I got up and got ready and even made myself breakfast. I was able to have my dad drop me off in Newark so I could save on money getting to the city. I arrived in NY and went to the subway. In line I met another lady from New Jersey and her daughter who were going up to Columbia University. I got on the train and was trying to figure out where I needed to go when I got distracted by the fact that I had not accounted for the fact that I had three train rides I needed to take. The train ride to the historical society, the train ride to my employer's and then the train ride back to Penn Station. So in my distraction I accidentally exited the train too early and had to walk in the slushy, icey, and cold weather. I got off at E 60th street and walked in the wrong direction to 1st Ave and realized I needed to be on the other side of Manhattan. So I walked down E 60th Street crossed over in front of The Plaza to Central Park West. One good thing was that I got to see my favorite Central Park bridge, the Gapstow Bridge all covered in snow! I had only seen it like that in pictures before but this time I got to see it with my own eyes. It was so nice.I had an old Metro card with me that I hoped would have some left over money on it so that I wouldn't have to worry about getting home from Brooklyn. I went to the Columbus Circle station and went to one of the fare machines. I put the card in and low and behold there was $2.45 on it. I only had to add .05 and I had another fare to get home. Thank you Lord! I was so excited! I turned onto Central Park West and walked up to W 76th street to the New York Historical Society. I got the things that I needed and to my surprise and pleasure the librarian gave me a discounted price on my copies! Yay! So then I headed out to go to Brooklyn for my meeting. I went down to a station on the Upper West Side where the 1 train was. I thought when I went in that I would be able to cross to the other side of the station but there was no way to cross. So I got on the train and decided to ride to the next station and see if I could cross to the downtown train there but there was no way to cross again! So I just had to go out of the train and then get on at the other side of the street. I was mad at myself because I hadn't paid attention to the signs and had wasted money that I needed. But thankfully because of the discount at the library I had a little extra money to be able to get back to Penn Station. So I made it out to Brooklyn and had my meeting which went well. Then I got back on the train and made it back to Penn after pooling some resources together and putting $1.00 on my check card! So glad that it let me do that! Then I made it back to Newark and my dad picked me up. It was so cold and it was starting to rain. We got back home and ate dinner and to no surprise I was asleep by 7:30. I slept for a couple hours before waking up again and going to bed formally. It was a crazy day but I was glad to make it through it and I was glad that all the needs that I thought would be problems God helped me through!