Two Months

Wow! It has really been two months since I have tended to my poor blog. I feel extremely bad about that. I have no excuse other than to say that the two months flew by and I really just did my best to drop out for a second but now I'm back! So since the last post not much has happened actually. I went home for Thanksgiving last month which was nice and I saw my family and a really good friend of mine. I got to hide away at home in my room and just relax and do things I don't get to do on a normal basis which was a nice change. And then in the time since Thanksgiving, I've just gotten really excited about going back for Christmas. In the last week I accomplished a goal of mine which was to actually drive in New York. Granted I was driving on the freeway part of the time to get to the airport but I still drove in New York nonetheless which was really great. I always wondered if I would be able to handle New York traffic and I did. Not to say that I was not scared to death at times that I was going to crash into someone or that they would crash into me but everything worked out for the best. I really enjoyed the drive through Brooklyn that I had to do in order to get to JFK. I am continuously amazed by New York. It astounds me all the time all of the people who live in the city, all the ethnicities that are mingled together, and the fact that people are living in such close proximity to one another. But I love it and I want to be a part of it.

Over the last two months I have been thinking a lot about this year. When 2010 started I was more than hopeful nay I say sure that this would be the year that things would turn around and get better. I put all of my energy into networking, cold calls, emails, cover letters, and resume blasts. And although I was able to get a part time temporary position with a project I really expected more. My enthusiasm from the beginning of the year lasted until about June when I felt like a complete and utter failure and that all hope was lost. But then I sucked it up and decided to get back in the game. Time after time I sent out resumes and applied for jobs I didn't want in hopes of just being able to have something to do and money in my pocket. The things I really wanted that I had applied for never called or emailed or even gave me an indication that they got my resume. Again hope was waning. But then I decided that I was not going to let these things get me down and I was not going to let them keep me from enjoying my life. It has been a challenge and a struggle but I am trying not to let circumstances get the better of me. I know that there are hundreds of thousands of people in my same position. And I know that eventually things will work out. How? I have not a clue but I believe that they will work out and that all of the struggle and strain has not been for nothing. I am looking forward to the next 16 days of the rest of 2010. After this week most of them will be spent in North Carolina with my family. And I am looking forward to putting this year behind me knowing that I tried my best for the most part and that there were times where I failed and I could have done a better job but that I have to move forward to what's next. Wondering what's next sometimes keeps me up at night. I wonder whether or not the next day will be the day when things change or if next year this time I'll have accomplished some things that I have hoped for for a long time. But I am trying to not do that so much. Everything that needs to happen will happen at it's appointed time and my sleep deprivation will not improve on the situation. But I am excited to see where it goes from here.2010 wasn't what I planned it to be but I think that in the end with everything all said and done it was the way it needed to be. It was a faith building year because I could see nothing in front of me but I had to keep going. There was no way for me to stop the days from coming or the months from passing by although there were times when I would have loved to do that. But as I was talking to my uncle about it a little bit at Thanksgiving I realized that other people expected 2010 to be different for them too and there plans didn't work as they hoped either. At least there is some comfort in numbers.But I am thoroughly ready to leave 2010 behind. Last week my pastor spoke about not living a life of regrets. Life is really too short to waste any moments living in regret. We all have regrets but the important thing is to accept them and move on. There are things I regret about 2010 and other past years too but I can't change it. All I can do is accept it and where I can learn from it I do and I am careful to avoid mistakes and patterns that led to those regrets. That's really all that I can do. But I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I feel as though right now in the book of my life I am stuck between the pages and am waiting to see how the next chapter starts. But I know that I will know when I supposed to know and until then I just have to wait. That's all I can do at this moment.

Moving Closer

Well I think I am moving closer, let's rephrase that I know I am moving closer to seeing my situation turn around. This past Sunday we had a great morning and evening service at LOJ. The evening service was one of those services that you will never forget. We had a guest minister who spoke about the dry bones coming to life in the Book of Ezekiel. It was amazing all the insight that she gave to us about what the vision meant and what the symbolism was of that vision. If that wasn't enough the next day I was doing my daily devotional out of my Bible and the devotional for the day was that exact same reading from the night before Ezekiel 37:1-14. I was really surprised because when I left off on Friday I hadn't even looked to see where I had placed the bookmark. Then after doing some reading I went to the page for the devotion and there it was. I just called it confirmation from God that the message from the night before was definitely for me. And that makes me really excited. I have lived in a dry land far too long. Every time I got my hopes up and thought that things were getting ready to change I was faced with disappointment. Much of this year I have felt defeated. But in the last month there has been hope renewed. Mainly from ministers and pastors that I have seen on tv or heard in my own church. Early this year I had an experience where I was assured that New Jersey was not the wrong place for me and that I would have a stable life and be firmly planted. I was so ecstatic when I heard this. The first thing I thought was when is this going to happen. I was ready for it to happen right then and there. But I waited the next week and then the next week and before I knew it weeks had turned into months. And I kept waiting before I just became drained. That resulted in excessive sleep, stress, and sleeplessness. It was extremely difficult and I really didn't know what to do but I knew I couldn't keep just fading into week after week. So I got back on the horse and started looking for and applying for positions. Then this past weekend came along and just helped me to know that change is coming soon. And as Joel Osteen says, "Each day moves me closer to my set appointed time." So everyday that I don't hear something moves me closer to being in a better place. As you can imagine it also increases my want and desire to see the change and the turnaround. Waiting is difficult but it is better to wait and get to where you need/want to go than to be impatient and settle for less.

A New October

Well it's October and the air in Jersey is growing cooler and cooler by the day. Fall is my favorite time of the year and mostly because of the weather but also because Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming. That means I get to go home to NC and see my family and friends. That makes me really excited! October is a new beginning also. Last October I left DC for what I thought would be a two week vacation and it turned into a year long stay. So this October I believe is a new beginning to the next phase of my life. I believe that next October will not find me in the same position or same place emotionally, physically, or professionally. So I am looking to do what I can to enact a new plan for my life. I'm really excited about new change and new phases of my life even though I don't know what they are yet. Speaking of new phases and changes today I learned that my college roommate had her first baby. It is amazing to me because I can remember when I first met her and we became good friends living down the hall from each other. Then the next year we were roommates and we got along really well. Then our last two years of college we were extremely close and she was my best friend from college. We lost contact because distance separated us but my memories of her and our time together as college students will always be dear to me. I am so excited and I can't wait to see her new little baby boy. And I also think about the fact that this year I am out of high school 10 years, college 6 years and graduate school three years. Where are all these years going. The other day I got a message from the reunion committee for my high school class and the questions from the survey they were taking made me angry and sad. Most of the questions had to do with your post high school life, are you married, how many children do you have, what do you do for a living, how long have you been doing that, etc. And the reason I was sad/angry was because my post high school life hasn't followed the formula college, grad school, marriage, and kids. But then I had to talk to myself. What have I been doing since high school? Well I have had many life experiences and I have been building a career. It's been taking longer than some of my classmates but that doesn't mean that it isn't valid or acceptable. It's my path. As for marriage and family, well I don't have control over that and I can't beat myself up over it. But it is still hard to imagine that there has been all of this time that has passed and I am trying to figure out what tangible things I have from it. But I did think about all of the things that I have done over the last ten years and I have accomplished a lot of things that I never imagined I would and that I dreamed that I would also. So I need to learn to be content with my life and to appreciate what I have done, where I have been, and look hopefully and patiently toward the future. Joyce Meyer says that we should adopt the thought pattern of believing and confessing that "Something good is going to happen to me." And I believe that over the next twelve months and in the years to come good things are going to happen to me. The last year and the last year before that were painful but they were stepping stones to where I am going and they are not going to define my future. I'm on my way to a better place!

Adios September

Today is the last day of September. I am still job hunting but more than that I am just ready for Thanksgiving. I just want to go home and stay there for a little while. I know that running away is not the answer but some times you just need a little change and a little breather. But I will have to wait a little while until I can go home. Otherwise I think things are going well. This weekend I have several things going on. Tomorrow I am going to an alumni reception at the Harvard Club in New York for the Appalachian State University alumni association and I am excited about that. Then Saturday is my dad's birthday and also an event for our church's 24th anniversary. So that will be a full day with dinner at Lumani Seafood in Westfield which I have heard is really delicious. Then on Sunday we have special services in the morning and evening at church. So a really full and really busy weekend. Also in addition to Saturday being my dad and my uncle's birthdays I am also sort of celebrating/reflecting on being in New Jersey for one year. I can't believe that I have been here a year almost or already. The time has flown by and it has not gone exactly as I planned at all but I know now that nothing in life is certain and that we make plans but it is really up to God what he wants to do with you especially if you tell him to do with you what he wants to. But I am not giving up hope that before the year ends that things will turn around in my favor. I have been focusing on several verses about hope and they have done just that given me the hope to keep believing that I will reach a better place than where I have been and where I am now.So so long September. I am ready for October and the last two months of the year that fly past unrealistically.

Hello Blog

Once again I have fallen off the blog wagon. Unfortunately I had nothing really to blog about. I applied for some jobs but I haven't heard anything back yet. So in the past few weeks I haven't really been anywhere or done anything. Dad and I tried to go to church last Sunday but there was a horrible fire at the apartment buildings next to the church in Orange, NJ and they had shut down all the streets around it so we couldn't go in even though the church building itself was not harmed. My dad was extremely curious and circled the neighborhood multiple times until he found a random neighbors driveway where he could see what was going on. It wasn't until then that we realized that the fire was still blazing and not smoldering as it appeared to be from far away. It was really scary and amazing to see two ladder trucks with two firemen in each actively fighting the blazes. It was frightening to see the orange blazes climbing up towards the sky in pillowy clouds of black smoke. Fortunately no one was hurt and eventually the fire went out but people's homes were lost for good which is very sad and tragic to wake up one day and several hours later be homeless. But I think that they will be able to get support from the community and hopefully replace the things that were lost.

Labor Day Weekend

Mom came to town on Friday and we officially kicked off our Labor Day weekend. That night we went out to eat at Red Lobster. I was really hungry so I got the fried flounder and a lobster tail. The fish was cooked really well and I enjoyed it more than other times I've been to Red Lobster. We came back home and talked about things to do on Saturday. Dad was tired on Saturday so Ma and I went out and went to Target and then went to get some lunch at Panera Bread. Later, we went out on a coffee run and came back and ate some of the gluten free brownies that I made from a mix I picked up at Trader Joe's. We drank our coffee and ate our brownies and talked about what we might do that evening. We ended up just staying in and ordering some Chinese food, from Cheng's Cafe in Edison. It was delicious as always. We just watched some tv and then the evening was over. This morning we went to church where we had a guest speaker named Dr. Jim Finn. He gave a really inspiring and powerful message. I also got asked to help out with the book table for a ladies' conference that is going to be taking place in October in Parsippany. I hope that I get to attend but I have to pray about it because I don't have the money on my own. But I believe if it is for me to go then I will have what I need to get there. After church we came home and then headed to New York. We didn't have that much time but we went to Katz's Delicatessen and then just stopped by to look at the Lower Eastside Tenement Museum. Then we tried to go get some cupcakes from the Magnolia Bakery in Midtown but we didn't know that the Brazil Festival was happening there. So we couldn't turn down 6th ave. I wish I had remembered that I had the address for the one in the West Village but I forgot and it was too late to turn back at that point. My parents had a reservation at The Chart House for their 31st wedding anniversary so we had to head back. That's where they are now. A word of caution if you should go to Katz's the roast beef is served cold and rare. And when they say rare they mean rarer than rare. Learned that the hard way! Next time I'm sticking to what I know. Maybe some matzoh ball soup! I wish mom could stay longer. I like having her here a lot!

Happy September

New month, new possibilities! I am really excited that it is September. I am really believing that this month will be better than the rest of the months of this year have been for me. I am really ready for change and for new experiences and endeavors. So I am looking forward to what September brings with it. First up there is going to be a visit from my mom this weekend which I am really excited about. I have to look up all the things that are going on this weekend so that we have something to do. But I am really looking forward to seeing her and hope that my family will be able to enjoy some things this weekend that we haven't done before in the New York area. So that is exciting. Then there will be another EMP event in the next few weeks and I am looking forward to going to that because this time around I will have my business cards on me and I can pass them out to people who may be able to pass my name along to their colleagues and co-workers. I am really happy that EMPs has been revived and I am really happy that there will be more networking opportunities coming my way. I was really hoping that there would be some news already from the museums that I had applied to for jobs but I haven't heard anything yet. However, I am really excited about the possibility of hearing something and also applying for more jobs in my field.

Plus the end of summer is this weekend and then my favorite time of year will be coming up soon: Fall. I love the fall of the year and I cannot wait for the leaves to change and the air to get cooler. I am so looking forward to it. So there are many things to be thankful for and I know that I will be able to get to where I want to be as well if I keep being persistant.