January 12, 2012
Coffee Break
Unwanted
Over the last week I have been reading the book of Genesis. I started the story of Jacob this week and hadn't really taken anything away from it until I began thinking about something that I heard last year. Last year at my church in New Jersey I heard a minister named Dr. David Minor speak on the Leah's in our lives. He was talking about the things that happen to us or we get stuck with that we'd like to go back and erase or just forget existed altogether. He spoke about how Jacob had labored, hard, for seven years for Rachel, Leah's younger, more beautiful, sister. When the seven years he had worked were over he expected to receive Rachel in return for his hard work. Instead his crooked uncle Laban gave him Leah instead. Jacob was understandably upset. He loved Rachel and he had worked really hard with the expectation of marrying Rachel. It's interesting to me that Jacob's name means deceiver. He had to flee from home to avoid being killed by his brother after deceiving their father for his brother's blessing. But I'm sure that's a different blog for a different day. But even though Jacob had been deceived by Laban and hadn't gotten what he had been working for all those years he couldn't give Leah back, she was now his wife. And he completed another seven years of work for Rachel but he was still stuck with Leah. Leah was unwanted. She was the older sister, the less beautiful sister, and just not the one that Jacob had wanted. But it's interesting to see how even though Leah was unwanted she remained with Jacob until her death and they were eventually buried together. Leah bore Jacob six sons, half the tribe of Israel, and she outlived the more beautiful Rachel, who died giving birth to Jacob's last son. It's interesting that Leah, the one he didn't want, was the one that was with him the longest. And Dr. Minor pointed out that most likely in his old age Leah brought Jacob comfort. Even though he didn't want her in the beginning she became a constant in his life and probably someone that he came to depend on as he got older.
When I started thinking about this it made me think of how there are dreams that we all have and sometimes we are crazy enough to pursue them. They seem out of reach because they take a long time to happen but then when they seem to be close to being grasped there's a shift or an unexpected or unwanted occurrence. Maybe it's a delay or you find yourself saying, "This would be perfect if only..." or maybe it's a surprise. I read Priscilla Shirer's book Life Interrupted last year and she spoke about how she felt like things were going along smoothly and then one day she found out that she was having a third child which she had not expected. In addition to having an addition to their family the timing just was not convenient for her and her family, her husband and two young sons. She worried about having another child in addition to the responsibilities that she already had but eventually just got on board with the plan. I wonder if that is what happened with Jacob. He probably resented Leah in the beginning because even though it was her father's idea to have her marry Jacob she didn't say anything. My Women's Devotional Bible devotion on this story says that we can never know if Leah was a willing participant or not but the fact of the matter is that she went through with it. But maybe eventually Jacob just accepted that Leah was as much his wife as Rachel and he just got on board with that fact. I think sometimes we spend a lot of time trying to resist Leahs from being in our lives. We spend a lot of time fighting them when we should accept them and know that there is a reason and purpose to them that perhaps we can't see at the very beginning but further up the road they will bring us comfort in lessons learned or experiences that are priceless to building character or giving us valuable insight. I have Leahs in my life for sure and I am not sure what they all have meant and do mean. But I hope that at some point in my life that I can accept these Leahs and not continually see them as unwanted.
When I started thinking about this it made me think of how there are dreams that we all have and sometimes we are crazy enough to pursue them. They seem out of reach because they take a long time to happen but then when they seem to be close to being grasped there's a shift or an unexpected or unwanted occurrence. Maybe it's a delay or you find yourself saying, "This would be perfect if only..." or maybe it's a surprise. I read Priscilla Shirer's book Life Interrupted last year and she spoke about how she felt like things were going along smoothly and then one day she found out that she was having a third child which she had not expected. In addition to having an addition to their family the timing just was not convenient for her and her family, her husband and two young sons. She worried about having another child in addition to the responsibilities that she already had but eventually just got on board with the plan. I wonder if that is what happened with Jacob. He probably resented Leah in the beginning because even though it was her father's idea to have her marry Jacob she didn't say anything. My Women's Devotional Bible devotion on this story says that we can never know if Leah was a willing participant or not but the fact of the matter is that she went through with it. But maybe eventually Jacob just accepted that Leah was as much his wife as Rachel and he just got on board with that fact. I think sometimes we spend a lot of time trying to resist Leahs from being in our lives. We spend a lot of time fighting them when we should accept them and know that there is a reason and purpose to them that perhaps we can't see at the very beginning but further up the road they will bring us comfort in lessons learned or experiences that are priceless to building character or giving us valuable insight. I have Leahs in my life for sure and I am not sure what they all have meant and do mean. But I hope that at some point in my life that I can accept these Leahs and not continually see them as unwanted.
January 10, 2012
Happy Birthday Blog/Just Wait
Today is the two year anniversary of my blog! Yay! Who knew that two years could fly by so quickly! But here we are two years later. When I started this blog I was going through a time of crisis and despair. I had just learned a week before Christmas that the job that I thought I was going to get in D.C., I was not even going to be in the candidate pool for. I was so depressed. I didn't want to be in New Jersey and I was trying desperately to figure out how to either get back to D.C. or how to get to New York. A week or so after I started the blog I moved my things out of my apartment in D.C., which was the final nail in my D.C. coffin. It took a long time to let go of that because I was so sad over the loss. There was the loss of what I felt I had worked so hard for, the loss of the dream I had had of living in D.C. for almost 5 years before I got there and then the wondering about what was going to happen in the future. I felt so tossed about and like I was hopeless. I started reading a book called Consider Lily by two Christian authors and got the idea for starting a blog from the main character in that book to keep a log of all these things going on in my life.
Fast forward two years. I am not in crisis and still waging a war with depression at times but things have worked out albeit not in the way that I had hoped or planned. I had never planned on moving back to North Carolina and never thought that I would actually miss living in New Jersey. I still don't know what God's plan is for me but I am waiting for revelation of that knowledge which brings me to the second part of the blog's title. This year I began reading the Bible from the beginning as I have done for the last two years. I have been reading the story of Abraham starting last week into this week. The story of Abraham becomes more and more identifiable to me as I read it more because of the waiting that Abraham had to go through. I first started seeing some parallels to Abraham in my life back in 2009 when I started a Bible study on how to be God's friend, which focused on the story of Abraham. Then after re-reading the story over the past few years I began to understand more and more what he must have been going through. God had told Abraham to leave his family and journey to a land that he didn't know. Then he told him that he would make him a father of many nations and that he would have offspring that would be innumerable. Abraham couldn't see how this was going to happen because God started telling him this when he was 75 years old. Abraham was already considered an old man at that point and God was telling him that he was going to be a father. So Abraham waited and the years passed and there was still not a clue that he was going to become a father as far as his natural eyes could see. When Abraham was 87 his wife Sarah decided to take matters into her own hands and have Abraham have a child with her servant Hagar. That was Sarah's plan and Abraham went along with it but that was not God's plan. So they created Ishmael. But God continued to tell them that He was going to give them their own son. So when Abraham was 100 and Sarah was 99 they had Isaac. I'm sure Abraham must have wondered why God waited so long and when he and Sarah were past their prime to give them a child. Abraham and Sarah had waited for 25 years! That's a long time. I have been waiting for a full time job for 4 1/2 years and it has felt like an eternity, I certainly don't envy Abraham and his 25 year wait. But I think one of the lessons in this story of Abraham is about not letting go of what God has spoken to you and also trusting him that He will do whatever He has said He will do no matter how long it takes. Waiting appeared several times in my devotional time last week. Not only in what I was reading in the Bible but also my Oswald Chambers devotional and my Women's Devotional Bible devotion. Waiting is not easy and I have heard several preachers teach on it. And they all have said that if you are waiting on something from God you have to believe that it is worth the wait and that it will happen at the right time. I blogged recently about how I looked up the biblical meaning of 30 at the end of last year and found out that it means "the right moment". Sometimes I find myself hoping that the right moment will be today or tomorrow and I am disappointed when it isn't. I desperately crave and desire a change in my circumstances and I want to have stability in my life. I never imagined that my life would take the course that it has. I never imagined that I wouldn't have a "real" job or that I would spend the last years of my twenties living with my parents or that I would still be looking for a "real" job at this point in my life. I just never imagined myself here. And I feel panicked and anxious about the fact that I don't know how to fix or solve this problem. Today in my devotion I read Proverbs 19:2 which says, "A man's folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the Lord." And I could really identify with that because I often have made bad decisions and then get mad at God when He doesn't help me out of them but like the verse says it's our own fault when we find ourselves in certain situations. But I also believe that when we repent and accept our own role in our circumstances and ask God for help He will either help us out of the situation or He will walk with us through it until we get to the other side of it. I have several things going on in my life that are sources of stress and strain right now and I have prayed and believed that God will help me. And I know that He will either deliver me from it or that He will walk with me through it. Either way I am not alone in the situation. Another verse that I read today was a source of encouragement as well Psalm 27:13,14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Sometimes I just want to go, I just want to be able to do what I would like to do, go where I want to go, and have what I would like to have but I feel bound or restrained. But I take courage in what David said that we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Things haven't gone the way that I've wanted and haven't been the way that I would like but I believe that they are and will get better. And I believe that it will happen if I wait on the Lord, if I seek His wisdom and council and help. I believe that He will help me and He will guide me and lead me out of this valley that I have been in. So I am encouraged even though it feels like I've only moved an inch in two years, I know that like Abraham that my promise is on it's way and I will continue to wait for it until it is the right moment for it to happen.
Fast forward two years. I am not in crisis and still waging a war with depression at times but things have worked out albeit not in the way that I had hoped or planned. I had never planned on moving back to North Carolina and never thought that I would actually miss living in New Jersey. I still don't know what God's plan is for me but I am waiting for revelation of that knowledge which brings me to the second part of the blog's title. This year I began reading the Bible from the beginning as I have done for the last two years. I have been reading the story of Abraham starting last week into this week. The story of Abraham becomes more and more identifiable to me as I read it more because of the waiting that Abraham had to go through. I first started seeing some parallels to Abraham in my life back in 2009 when I started a Bible study on how to be God's friend, which focused on the story of Abraham. Then after re-reading the story over the past few years I began to understand more and more what he must have been going through. God had told Abraham to leave his family and journey to a land that he didn't know. Then he told him that he would make him a father of many nations and that he would have offspring that would be innumerable. Abraham couldn't see how this was going to happen because God started telling him this when he was 75 years old. Abraham was already considered an old man at that point and God was telling him that he was going to be a father. So Abraham waited and the years passed and there was still not a clue that he was going to become a father as far as his natural eyes could see. When Abraham was 87 his wife Sarah decided to take matters into her own hands and have Abraham have a child with her servant Hagar. That was Sarah's plan and Abraham went along with it but that was not God's plan. So they created Ishmael. But God continued to tell them that He was going to give them their own son. So when Abraham was 100 and Sarah was 99 they had Isaac. I'm sure Abraham must have wondered why God waited so long and when he and Sarah were past their prime to give them a child. Abraham and Sarah had waited for 25 years! That's a long time. I have been waiting for a full time job for 4 1/2 years and it has felt like an eternity, I certainly don't envy Abraham and his 25 year wait. But I think one of the lessons in this story of Abraham is about not letting go of what God has spoken to you and also trusting him that He will do whatever He has said He will do no matter how long it takes. Waiting appeared several times in my devotional time last week. Not only in what I was reading in the Bible but also my Oswald Chambers devotional and my Women's Devotional Bible devotion. Waiting is not easy and I have heard several preachers teach on it. And they all have said that if you are waiting on something from God you have to believe that it is worth the wait and that it will happen at the right time. I blogged recently about how I looked up the biblical meaning of 30 at the end of last year and found out that it means "the right moment". Sometimes I find myself hoping that the right moment will be today or tomorrow and I am disappointed when it isn't. I desperately crave and desire a change in my circumstances and I want to have stability in my life. I never imagined that my life would take the course that it has. I never imagined that I wouldn't have a "real" job or that I would spend the last years of my twenties living with my parents or that I would still be looking for a "real" job at this point in my life. I just never imagined myself here. And I feel panicked and anxious about the fact that I don't know how to fix or solve this problem. Today in my devotion I read Proverbs 19:2 which says, "A man's folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the Lord." And I could really identify with that because I often have made bad decisions and then get mad at God when He doesn't help me out of them but like the verse says it's our own fault when we find ourselves in certain situations. But I also believe that when we repent and accept our own role in our circumstances and ask God for help He will either help us out of the situation or He will walk with us through it until we get to the other side of it. I have several things going on in my life that are sources of stress and strain right now and I have prayed and believed that God will help me. And I know that He will either deliver me from it or that He will walk with me through it. Either way I am not alone in the situation. Another verse that I read today was a source of encouragement as well Psalm 27:13,14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Sometimes I just want to go, I just want to be able to do what I would like to do, go where I want to go, and have what I would like to have but I feel bound or restrained. But I take courage in what David said that we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Things haven't gone the way that I've wanted and haven't been the way that I would like but I believe that they are and will get better. And I believe that it will happen if I wait on the Lord, if I seek His wisdom and council and help. I believe that He will help me and He will guide me and lead me out of this valley that I have been in. So I am encouraged even though it feels like I've only moved an inch in two years, I know that like Abraham that my promise is on it's way and I will continue to wait for it until it is the right moment for it to happen.
January 9, 2012
January 6, 2012
The Time Has Come
On the episode of the I Love Lucy Show when Lucy has Little Ricky they all practice going to the hospital with Lucy and Ricky announces they're starting practice with the phrase, "The time has come!" Well this morning the time came for me, to turn 30 that is, not have a baby. So this morning at 8:13 am the precise time I was born I sleepily greeted 30. It is going to take some getting used to but I am excited about my thirties. I don't know what to expect and I think it will be a constant shock when I have to write my age or birth date and realize that I am 30, no longer a twenty something at all, whole new level! But you know God is good and He knows exactly what you need when you need it. Today's devotions were about things that I needed to hear going into this next age, stage and phase of my life. I had a devotion from Oswald Chambers talking about giving back to God the best of what He has given to you. He was talking about the spiritual blessings that we get from the Lord not being only for us but to bless others as well. He talked about the importance of having daily time with God and spending time in worship with Him. Then I read the story of Lot in the Bible and also the story of the fulfillment of God's promise to Abraham that he would be the father of many nations but he didn't have a child for 25 years after God gave him the promise. From the story of Lot I learned about not clinging to the past. My devotion talked about letting go of the familiar and not turning back to mourn what's behind in the way that Lot's wife did. I think my familiar place is not seeing a breakthrough or change. I've come to expect that things won't happen because I have lived with disappointment and failure over the last several years. But I have to get motivated to start expecting things to happen in my life again. All the hurt, pain, shame, disappointment, failure and depression has to go and I have to leave it behind in 2011 and declare that that was the last year for living without expecting anything good to happen to me. In the story of Abraham and Sarah and their wait for Isaac I was reminded how God does not fail to deliver on His promises. He just fulfills them at the time when He means to. There was a verse in Genesis 18:14 that said, "14Is any thing too hard for the LORD? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son." (KJV) Sarah had just laughed and God asked her why she laughed. She lied and said she hadn't laughed. But in God's reply He assures her He isn't joking and that what He said will happen. I like the part where He tells her that "at the appointed time" He will return and she will have a son. I read a book last year by Priscilla Shirer called He Speaks to Me about the ways in which to hear God demonstrated through Samuel. In it she wrote about the appointed time. She said that the Hebrew word for the appointed time means sacred season. A sacred season is a time set aside for a special spiritual event. Something that is sacred is set apart to bring God glory. God demonstrated His glory and ability by giving a 100 year old man and a 99 year old woman a baby. That's a pretty special spiritual event and it happened in a season of their lives when they considered their bodies as good as dead. But even though the circumstances were less than desirable and didn't make sense to Abraham and Sarah God still kept His promise and made it happen. There's good news: God can still make it [whatever you need] happen when it seems like the time for it has come and gone. That was definitely the right encouragement that I needed today. Then I read a little further into Chapter 19 of Genesis. In Chapter 19 verses 1-26, God tells Abraham to go to the mountain of Moriah and sacrifice his son, his only son. Abraham doesn't beg or plead or question but he obeys. But he also shows great faith in believing that God is in control of the situation. He tells his servant when they get to the mountain that he and the boy are going up the mountain to worship but they will return together. Then he answers Isaac's question about where the sacrifice is by saying the God will provide it. So they go up the mountain together and Abraham ties Isaac up and places him on the altar and is getting ready to kill him with a knife when the angel of the Lord steps in and tells him to stop, whew! The angel tells him that he has proven that he fears the Lord because he was willing to give the Lord his one and only son. Abraham receives Isaac back from the dead, so to speak, and God provides a ram for their sacrifice. This reminded me of two things I heard last year along the same lines. One was from Pastor Gayle at my church in New Jersey. She prayed a prayer that God would resurrect dead hopes and dreams for people. She said that sometimes our dreams die and fade because of situations and circumstances but God is able to bring them back to life and make them better. Then I read in a Marilyn Hickey book about how God may demand of us a sacrifice, for a time, of our dreams, hopes and plans but she wrote that if we are able to give those things to God that not only will He resurrect them but He will make them better and more pleasing than before. I drew a lot of encouragement from these things today and I don't believe that it was by mistake that those were my devotions for today because I really believe that this is going to be a different year for me and that my dreams that have "died" are going to be resurrected again and that they are going to be better than before. I also believe that this will be a sacred season or appointed time in my life for certain things to happen to me that I have prayed and believed for and the Lord has told me of as well. This morning I also read a devotion in Joyce Meyer's The Confident Woman, based on Esther 4:14. In it her uncle Mordecai tells her that she may have been placed in a position of royalty "for such a time as this." It may have all seemed like chance or happenstance but there was a clear purpose for Esther's life and her position, which was to save the Jewish people from destruction. So I felt like that was just one more assurance from God that He is looking out for me and He knows exactly what He's doing. He knows it looks crazy to me and those around me but what He wants to happen will happen when the time has come.
January 5, 2012
Last Day of 29
Well that was certainly a fast countdown. It seems like just yesterday I was writing that it was 6 months to 30, then three months, and then one month and now there are less than 24 hours. But I am totally fine with it. I am excited about 30 and I am looking forward to the next decade of my life. This morning I was thinking about how there are so many people who have not made it to 30 and how I am fortunate in that I have made it to this point of my life. Also as I keep reminding myself through this blog I really do believe that as my friend Katie says, "3-0 will rock." I'm excited about the fact that I am coming into my own time. I really believe that that is what 30 will be for me. I believe it will be a time of fulfillment and purpose and growing and coming into an acceptance and understanding of myself and what the Lord has in store for me. So I am looking forward to it with anticipation.
It was interesting this morning and also Tuesday morning how I did devotions about waiting. I have been trying to get a "real" for the last four years. I have applied for numerous positions only to be turned down through email, letter, or non-response. It's been frustrating and hard to deal with because I haven't known what God's plan is in all of this. I try to say things, "Like surely you don't want me to be broke, do you Lord?" But He is not moved by these childish games. And so I have had to just come to a place of waiting and it is really hard. It's even harder knowing something is coming but you don't know what it is or when it is going to come. I read a devotion from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest on January 3 that was about just waiting and not trying to fill yourself with busyness when God is having you wait. Chambers also said that you should most importantly not try to take matters into your own hands and "fix" it yourself because you could cause years of damage and heartbreak if you do. I thought about it that day and then I forgot about it. And in the mean time I was reminded by my mother how I needed a job and didn't have any money and was about to turn 30. All of which created panic and uneasiness in me. And so I began to devise a plan for how to "fix" it. I thought, "Well I will just hire a headhunter and tell them that I will take any job, anywhere so long as it gets me out of Charlotte." But God not so subtly reminded me this morning through a devotion on Abraham and Sarah that some things are well worth the wait. I don't want to create and Ishmael waiting for an Isaac. Sarah and Abraham didn't trust God because they looked at the circumstances. They were old. It had been 24 years since God had told them that He would give them their own offspring. Things were looking and feeling pretty dim. But God kept reminding them that He would do what He said He would do. But Abraham and Sarah were impatient so they tried to "help" God with His plan. Which led to years of damage and heartbreak and generations of turmoil that continues today between Abraham's two sons' descendants. I think the Lord's message to me was, "Just sit back and relax and let me take care of it because you will screw it up on your own." I am totally content with that too. It was good to be reminded that even when we think we have the best of intentions that sometimes all we are doing is setting ourselves up for heartbreak and failure. I have waited too long to put myself back at square 1 so I will just take God's nudging to wait patiently to heart and trust that things are really going to change this time. I so get where Abraham and Sarah were because it's one thing when it takes a few weeks or months for changes to occur but when it takes years that it something that especially in this generation we are not equipped for. We expect things to happen quickly with little waiting involved if at all. So I am sure that if there were new year celebrations in Mamre, where Abraham lived, he probably was thinking, "Is this going to be the year that we have a child or are we going to have to finish this year without seeing anything happen too?" I have thought that same thing myself over the last several years. I have been kept in yearly suspense wondering if this is the year things will change. And 2010 and 2011 were not those years. But I do really believe that 2012 will be different and I don't need to try to "help" God along in whatever His plan for me is. I have to keep hope alive, no matter how long it takes for the promises to be fulfilled. But I do believe that this year will be a year of manifestation of the promises God has given me in my life.
So going back to turning 30. I think the important thing is just to wait on the Lord and know that His timing is perfect, His promises are true, and that He can do more with me than I can do for or by myself. I'd rather have God setting things up and being the responsible one for getting me to where I have to go. So I have to be content to wait until it's the right time. That is how I am ending my twenties, waiting on God but believing that He will come through. I think that's a pretty good ending.
It was interesting this morning and also Tuesday morning how I did devotions about waiting. I have been trying to get a "real" for the last four years. I have applied for numerous positions only to be turned down through email, letter, or non-response. It's been frustrating and hard to deal with because I haven't known what God's plan is in all of this. I try to say things, "Like surely you don't want me to be broke, do you Lord?" But He is not moved by these childish games. And so I have had to just come to a place of waiting and it is really hard. It's even harder knowing something is coming but you don't know what it is or when it is going to come. I read a devotion from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest on January 3 that was about just waiting and not trying to fill yourself with busyness when God is having you wait. Chambers also said that you should most importantly not try to take matters into your own hands and "fix" it yourself because you could cause years of damage and heartbreak if you do. I thought about it that day and then I forgot about it. And in the mean time I was reminded by my mother how I needed a job and didn't have any money and was about to turn 30. All of which created panic and uneasiness in me. And so I began to devise a plan for how to "fix" it. I thought, "Well I will just hire a headhunter and tell them that I will take any job, anywhere so long as it gets me out of Charlotte." But God not so subtly reminded me this morning through a devotion on Abraham and Sarah that some things are well worth the wait. I don't want to create and Ishmael waiting for an Isaac. Sarah and Abraham didn't trust God because they looked at the circumstances. They were old. It had been 24 years since God had told them that He would give them their own offspring. Things were looking and feeling pretty dim. But God kept reminding them that He would do what He said He would do. But Abraham and Sarah were impatient so they tried to "help" God with His plan. Which led to years of damage and heartbreak and generations of turmoil that continues today between Abraham's two sons' descendants. I think the Lord's message to me was, "Just sit back and relax and let me take care of it because you will screw it up on your own." I am totally content with that too. It was good to be reminded that even when we think we have the best of intentions that sometimes all we are doing is setting ourselves up for heartbreak and failure. I have waited too long to put myself back at square 1 so I will just take God's nudging to wait patiently to heart and trust that things are really going to change this time. I so get where Abraham and Sarah were because it's one thing when it takes a few weeks or months for changes to occur but when it takes years that it something that especially in this generation we are not equipped for. We expect things to happen quickly with little waiting involved if at all. So I am sure that if there were new year celebrations in Mamre, where Abraham lived, he probably was thinking, "Is this going to be the year that we have a child or are we going to have to finish this year without seeing anything happen too?" I have thought that same thing myself over the last several years. I have been kept in yearly suspense wondering if this is the year things will change. And 2010 and 2011 were not those years. But I do really believe that 2012 will be different and I don't need to try to "help" God along in whatever His plan for me is. I have to keep hope alive, no matter how long it takes for the promises to be fulfilled. But I do believe that this year will be a year of manifestation of the promises God has given me in my life.
So going back to turning 30. I think the important thing is just to wait on the Lord and know that His timing is perfect, His promises are true, and that He can do more with me than I can do for or by myself. I'd rather have God setting things up and being the responsible one for getting me to where I have to go. So I have to be content to wait until it's the right time. That is how I am ending my twenties, waiting on God but believing that He will come through. I think that's a pretty good ending.
January 2, 2012
Fresh with No Mistakes
When I was growing up one of my favorite movies was Anne of Green Gables. In the movie the character says that tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes. I like to think that at the beginning of this year that I can express the same sentiment. This morning I was reminded by Pastor Gool that each year is a gift of 12 new months from God. No matter what happen with the last twelve that He gave you He has given you a new 12 to start over with fresh with no mistakes. So Pastor Gool encouraged us to move on from whatever did or didn't happen in 2011 and relish the fact that there are 12 new and fresh months ahead of us.
I am really excited about this year and I believe that it is going to be the best year of my life, I really do. I am excited to see what God does in my life and what opportunities are presented. I really think that if we yield ourselves to the Lord more this year than ever that we will be able to see Him accomplish amazing things in and through us. I just finished writing out several goals for the new year and also things that I want to see manifest in my life this year. For the goals I am putting ways in which I can make them happen so that they are not just a list. I have 3 and my goal is to get to 10. For the things that I want to see happen there are eight things that I would like to experience this year and I have found a Bible verse to confess for each one. So I feel good about the start of things. I am really good at planning but I need to work on following through. I need to make sure that I keep reviewing the things that I have written and planned so that when December 31, 2012 comes I can look back and see where I accomplished my goals and saw the things manifested in my life that I hoped for and planned for. So I am excited to be starting out the year not with resolutions but with real concrete things that I can work towards seeing fulfilled in my life.
Our New Year's Eve was a little different than it normally is. We usually are on our way to VCC at 10 pm to ring in the New Year but since it was on a Saturday and we had church today we didn't have the New Year's Eve service. So I went to my grandmother's with my parents and we went out to eat at a place called Cafe 49. It was pretty good. I got a gyro because I like them but my mom and grandmother got steaks and I think that I should have gotten one of those, maybe next time. We had a nice long dinner and enjoyed each other's company. Then we got two Redbox movies and went back to my grandmother's. We watched Church: The Movie, which was okay not great but everyone seemed to enjoy it and then we watched Secretariat. I had seen Secretariat before but didn't really remember it. But it is such a good movie. It is very inspiring. I couldn't believe that I was getting teary eyed over it but I was. Shortly before the end we stopped it so that we could watch the ball drop in Times Square and then take communion and pray. Then we finished watching the movie. It was interesting because you never know where you will find inspiration. While watching a scene in Secretariat where the horse is in the starting gate and preparing to run a critical race I thought about how I feel like I have been at the starting gate for a while. I have been wanting to just run and do but I have been held back/restrained from being able to do so. But when the horse was freed from the gate and allowed to run he just ran as fast and as hard as he could. I know it sounds strange to say but I want to be like that horse. I just want to run as hard and as fast as I can accomplishing what I have been put here to do as well as things that I would like to do while I'm here. And I was excited by the thought that this will be the year that the gate is removed. I sincerely believe that the obstacles and hindrances of the past several years will not be an issue any longer and I believe that I will get to run my own race. I'm looking forward to it. I was reading last week about Jesus's miracle at the wedding where He turned the water into wine. It occurred to me that He may have been 29 at the time. The Bible says that He began His earthly ministry at 30. When Jesus's mother asks Him to help the wedding guests He tells her that His time has not yet come. He was saying that His moment for operating in His earthly ministry was not yet. There isn't a time line so I don't know that He was 29 but the point is that it was before His time. I think I posted how I looked up the Biblical meaning to the number 30. Thirty in the Bible signifies the right moment and dedication. The right moment to me means the moment when things work together and when the timing is right. The men who experienced the right moment at the age of 30 in the Bible were Joseph, David, Jesus and John the Baptist. That's pretty good company for stepping into destiny at thirty. And stepping into what I am destined for it what I truly want to see manifested in my life this year. In Ephesians 2:10 it says, " For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." I love that scripture because it reminds me of Jeremiah 29:11. Sometimes, even though I don't think it or say it, I feel like God is trying to figure out what to do with me and that's why all these things have happened to me. I know that's not true because that verse says that He has already created things for us to do. In Jeremiah, God says He knows His plans for us and I like that too. He isn't scrambling trying to come up with something or at a loss about where to put or place me but He already has a plan. It can feel, because of the way life is, like I am just being tossed around with no direction, but it is good to know that somehow it is all a part of a greater plan. Last year was primarily spent in Charlotte, the year before New Jersey, and the year before in Washington, D.C. but I am believing that this year will be a year of stability and clear direction and understanding of where God wants me to be and what He has for me to do. So I am excited about that as well. I still don't know what the year in Jersey and the year in Charlotte were for but I trust that the Lord will reveal it to me when I need to know or if I need to know. So I am just thankful that I can trust God to work it out and that I don't have to worried, anxious, or concerned about what is going to happen to me because He will take care of me, shelter me, help me, strengthen me and guide me if I commit myself to Him and walk in His ways. I'm very excited about the possibilities that this year holds and I expect to experience more than I can ask think or imagine.
I am really excited about this year and I believe that it is going to be the best year of my life, I really do. I am excited to see what God does in my life and what opportunities are presented. I really think that if we yield ourselves to the Lord more this year than ever that we will be able to see Him accomplish amazing things in and through us. I just finished writing out several goals for the new year and also things that I want to see manifest in my life this year. For the goals I am putting ways in which I can make them happen so that they are not just a list. I have 3 and my goal is to get to 10. For the things that I want to see happen there are eight things that I would like to experience this year and I have found a Bible verse to confess for each one. So I feel good about the start of things. I am really good at planning but I need to work on following through. I need to make sure that I keep reviewing the things that I have written and planned so that when December 31, 2012 comes I can look back and see where I accomplished my goals and saw the things manifested in my life that I hoped for and planned for. So I am excited to be starting out the year not with resolutions but with real concrete things that I can work towards seeing fulfilled in my life.
Our New Year's Eve was a little different than it normally is. We usually are on our way to VCC at 10 pm to ring in the New Year but since it was on a Saturday and we had church today we didn't have the New Year's Eve service. So I went to my grandmother's with my parents and we went out to eat at a place called Cafe 49. It was pretty good. I got a gyro because I like them but my mom and grandmother got steaks and I think that I should have gotten one of those, maybe next time. We had a nice long dinner and enjoyed each other's company. Then we got two Redbox movies and went back to my grandmother's. We watched Church: The Movie, which was okay not great but everyone seemed to enjoy it and then we watched Secretariat. I had seen Secretariat before but didn't really remember it. But it is such a good movie. It is very inspiring. I couldn't believe that I was getting teary eyed over it but I was. Shortly before the end we stopped it so that we could watch the ball drop in Times Square and then take communion and pray. Then we finished watching the movie. It was interesting because you never know where you will find inspiration. While watching a scene in Secretariat where the horse is in the starting gate and preparing to run a critical race I thought about how I feel like I have been at the starting gate for a while. I have been wanting to just run and do but I have been held back/restrained from being able to do so. But when the horse was freed from the gate and allowed to run he just ran as fast and as hard as he could. I know it sounds strange to say but I want to be like that horse. I just want to run as hard and as fast as I can accomplishing what I have been put here to do as well as things that I would like to do while I'm here. And I was excited by the thought that this will be the year that the gate is removed. I sincerely believe that the obstacles and hindrances of the past several years will not be an issue any longer and I believe that I will get to run my own race. I'm looking forward to it. I was reading last week about Jesus's miracle at the wedding where He turned the water into wine. It occurred to me that He may have been 29 at the time. The Bible says that He began His earthly ministry at 30. When Jesus's mother asks Him to help the wedding guests He tells her that His time has not yet come. He was saying that His moment for operating in His earthly ministry was not yet. There isn't a time line so I don't know that He was 29 but the point is that it was before His time. I think I posted how I looked up the Biblical meaning to the number 30. Thirty in the Bible signifies the right moment and dedication. The right moment to me means the moment when things work together and when the timing is right. The men who experienced the right moment at the age of 30 in the Bible were Joseph, David, Jesus and John the Baptist. That's pretty good company for stepping into destiny at thirty. And stepping into what I am destined for it what I truly want to see manifested in my life this year. In Ephesians 2:10 it says, " For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." I love that scripture because it reminds me of Jeremiah 29:11. Sometimes, even though I don't think it or say it, I feel like God is trying to figure out what to do with me and that's why all these things have happened to me. I know that's not true because that verse says that He has already created things for us to do. In Jeremiah, God says He knows His plans for us and I like that too. He isn't scrambling trying to come up with something or at a loss about where to put or place me but He already has a plan. It can feel, because of the way life is, like I am just being tossed around with no direction, but it is good to know that somehow it is all a part of a greater plan. Last year was primarily spent in Charlotte, the year before New Jersey, and the year before in Washington, D.C. but I am believing that this year will be a year of stability and clear direction and understanding of where God wants me to be and what He has for me to do. So I am excited about that as well. I still don't know what the year in Jersey and the year in Charlotte were for but I trust that the Lord will reveal it to me when I need to know or if I need to know. So I am just thankful that I can trust God to work it out and that I don't have to worried, anxious, or concerned about what is going to happen to me because He will take care of me, shelter me, help me, strengthen me and guide me if I commit myself to Him and walk in His ways. I'm very excited about the possibilities that this year holds and I expect to experience more than I can ask think or imagine.
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