A Valley of Humiliation and a Desert of Anonymity and Obscurity

Last night I was journaling and came across an Oswald Chambers devotion in My Utmost for His Highest (July 6) in which Chambers talks about how we often get a glimpse of the vision that God has for our lives and then we are taken down into the valley of humiliation to be shaped and molded into who we are supposed to be in order to get to the vision. Then this morning I was reading Christine Caine's blog and she was talking about the same thing but she referred to it as a desert of anonymity and obscurity. When I was journaling last night I was thinking about two things that had happened that had made me feel like I was in a valley of humiliation and a desert of anonymity and obscurity. The first thing was attending my younger first cousin's graduation this past weekend. He is 17 and going to college in the fall and I am excited for him to accomplish this chapter of his life and begin the next chapter of his life. But I couldn't help but think of when I graduated from college 12 years ago and all the things that I hoped and dreamed at the time. When I graduated I wanted to major in history and I wanted to work for the State Department and travel the world. Then I got to college and found out that what I really wanted to do was work in a museum. When I was a high school student and getting ready for starting my life I never saw or imagined the twists and turns that my life might take and I never imagined any detours. Looking back now high school and that time right after are almost magical because there is so much to be optimistic about you haven't, most students anyway, realized that life sometimes can be extremely unpredictable. The second thing that happened is that someone I used to be very good friends with but then fell out of contact with recently contacted me. I really never imagined that this person would contact me again, I felt and thought that the friendship was completely over. But they contacted me to my surprise. We haven't really spoken to one another, except for birthday wishes on Facebook, in two years and so much has changed for them for the better and so much has not changed for me. They asked me how I was doing and I was hesitant to respond and have actually not responded back as of right now because I am not sure how to answer. Part of me feels that because this person and I are not as close of friends as we used to be that I need to be as little forthcoming with details as possible because I would not like to feel like I could unload or divulge the things that have happened over the past two years to someone who really was just asking to be polite and didn't really care about all that has been going on in my life. Then something else occurred to me too which should have probably been obvious at the very beginning. The primary reason I don't want to tell this person about how I am doing is because I am ashamed of how I am doing. This person has accomplished some social milestones that I have not and they are doing very well. But I have not progressed near as much as I would have liked to in the time that we have been apart and there I am humiliated and ashamed of where I am. Last night I was okay with these feelings but today has been very difficult for me dealing with all of those emotions. And I am not in anyway charging this person with bringing up these feelings that I have. Those feelings have been there all along they are just below the surface and not generally paraded around for the world to see. But I was feeling this way this past weekend as well when I was with my family. I was at the graduation of one cousin, then another cousin just moved and got a great new job, another cousin has gotten married and had a child and another cousin is working and raising there child as well. With all that amongst my first cousins it can feel a little intimidating not having anything to bring to the table. I don't have a full time job right now, I live with my mother and I am 30, I am not dating, married or have any children. Socially that is a little depressing when I look at other people's lives and then compare my own. I know that everyone travels at there own pace and some people get to certain points in their lives before others but I guess I always thought of myself as one of the people that would be lumped in with the crowd instead of lagging behind trying to catch up. I get what Oswald and Christine are saying, I really do. And most of the time I try not to think about what all these other people are accomplishing that I have not accomplished. Just last week I was trying to think of the things that I had done that some of these other people had not done but in comparison it just didn't feel like much. But that's where I am, in the valley, on the Potter's wheel, and it has been a long time spinning. I constantly am wondering if I am there yet or will I even get there because it seems like this season has been so long. It feels unending because I can't see what's next. I also was thinking about in light of what Oswald Chambers wrote and then what Christine wrote have I even seen a glimpse of what God has for my future? I remember in 2011 Prophet Phil Cappucio came to LOJ, my church in Jersey. He said that you needed to have a vision for your life of where God is leading you and what He is calling you to do. In Oswald and Christine's writings they too were saying that God gives us a glimpse of the vision and then sometimes takes us away from it and then molds us into who we need to be in order to be able accomplish that vision. At one time I would have said that the vision for my life was to work in a museum and live in DC. That was what I believed the Lord had called me to do. And sometimes I have wondered if I would ever be able to go back to DC. I've wondered if living in DC for the short time that I was there was a taste of what could be. And I have also wondered if DC was just my vision/dream and not what God wanted for me to do and that is why it didn't work out. Even when I was living in DC I wondered if God was giving me a little taste of the dream I had because I wouldn't be staying in that vision in the future. Then when I got to New Jersey I thought that that was where I was supposed to be. I thought that eventually I would get a job in New York or in Jersey and move out of my dad's apartment and get my own place but that didn't happen either. And two things are important to note. In DC I never found the right church for me. There was work that I did that I loved but I never clicked with a church there which I have now come to see is very important. In Jersey I LOVED my church but I couldn't find work. I came to a point of realizing that anywhere that I would live in the future would have to have the right combination of both the right church and the right work, so those were two lessons that I learned from those experiences. After Jersey I unintentionally moved to North Carolina. I basically came to help my mom but ended up staying when a job opportunity arose. Then I started with the substitute teaching and even though I liked working with the preschool kids and I like working at the school I was at the majority of the time I don't feel like that is what I absolutely want to do with my life or like I am called to do that work with my life. So I am at a point now where I feel like I just don't know what the vision for my life is. There have been a few details that I have received from the Lord through people who have prayed for me and who I have shared my story with. But I don't feel like I know exactly where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing when I get there. If I could create a vision for my life I would say it would be that I would live in Brooklyn, NY and work at a social history museum in either Brooklyn, Manhattan or Queens. There are several that I can think of and I would want to be at the one that would be the best for me. Also living in Brooklyn would put me in close enough proximity to Jersey so that I could still make it to my church. But that dream seems really far away and near impossible. But how do I know if that dream is something that God has laid on my heart and can happen versus something that I just dreamed up because I like New York and I like museums? I am believing for a revelation of what the vision of my life is and where God is leading me and guiding me. Christine referred to finding your calling or seeing the vision for your life as an adventure. It was funny because I thought to myself, "Doesn't God know me well enough to know that adventure is not my style? I like a plan and I like to stick to not deviate from the plan." But I guess if I had a plan and God just wound me up and sent me on the plan in a straight line then there would be no cause to trust Him or to draw near to Him because I'd just be following along with the plan. I was thinking today that I hope at some point in the near future that I can look back on the last several years and see exactly how all the zig zags and turns that have happened in my life have led me to something better. I believe that if DC was as good as it got in my mind and God removed me from that then there must be something better that He has planned in the future and all the things that have seemed so totally random and out of place in my life will have somehow been a part of God's plan all along to moving me from good to great. I just know that I want for the valley of humiliation and the desert of anonymity and obscurity to be temporary locations for me.

"We always have visions, before a thing is made real." - Oswald Chambers

"Instead of the vision becoming real, there has come the valley of humiliation." - Oswald Chambers

"God gives us the vision, then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of the vision, and it is in the valley that so many of us faint and give way. Every vision will be made real if we will have patience. Think of the enormous leisure of God! He is never in a hurry. We are always in such a frantic hurry. In the light of the glory of the vision we go forth to do things, but the vision is not real in us yet; and God has to take us into the valley, and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the place where He can trust us with the veritable reality. Ever since we had the vision God has been at work, getting us into the shape of the ideal, and over and over again we escape from His hand and try to batter ourselves into our own shape." - Oswald Chambers

"With each season of obedience, different aspects of my unique life-print become more defined. I think this is one of the most exciting qualities of our individual call; it's an unfolding adventure. We have the awesome responsibility of recognizing and developing the gifts on our lives because they were given to us by God in order to impact the world around us." - Christine Caine

"Rather than appreciating every part of our life as a God-given season of preparation and molding, it can be so easy to grow impatient and dissatisfied, especially when that particular season feels mundane, difficult, frustrating, or everlasting." - Christine Caine

"We need to learn to love the season we're in while keeping a fresh and expectant attitude about all that lies ahead." - Christine Caine

"To fulfill our purpose, we must realize that it is often in the desert of anonymity and obscurity that God molds and shapes our characters, making us ready on the inside for all He has for us. Unfortunately it's also, during these times of waiting and preparation that we are most vulnerable to growing weary and giving up on having and doing God's 'all.' The enemy tries to convince us that our dreams for extraordinary living are not worth the wait, too difficult, or even impossible to achieve." - Christine Caine

"Don't allow yourself to get lost in the seasons of life, or to devalue today. God is using it to prepare you for your tomorrow!" - Christine Caine

Congratulations on Your Diamond Jubilee 1952-2012



via Mailonline.com

via Mailonline.com



New Chapter to My Hair Journey

Last June I was able to use the Miss Jessie's hair care line for the first time. I used the shampoo, conditioner, styler and moisturizer. I received great results and a lot of compliments as well. Compliments and "How did you get your hair like that," always let you know that you are doing something right. So I continued using these products until I would read about something better or have an experience that led me to wanting to try something else. Last summer I needed a lot of help for my hair. I was finally able to get the hair that I wanted with the help of Miss Jessie's Curly Pudding and a whole slew of other products. My style would only last about three to four days and then I would have to wash again. My life changed dramatically when last November Miss Jessie's had their BOGO and I was able to try the Curly Merigue without the threat of throwing $22 down the drain. Also at this time I first viewed a video about how to get a twist out from Natural Chica aka Mae on YouTube. Curly Meringue totally changed my styling process and the look and feel of my hair. And Mae gave me the steps I needed in order to get the perfect twist out which has now become my "look". I used Curly Meringue for about two months before I ran out and decided to go back to the Curly Pudding that I had left over. To my surprise I could not use Curly Pudding anymore. It dried my hair out and made it very unmanageable and stiff. I was not sure what I was going to do with it. So I just went back to Curly Meringue. I also introduced a clarifying shampoo that I now use everytime that I was in order to get my hair clean after a week's worth of dirt and product build up. So I started to get great results with that which lasted until the spring. Then it was on for a new moisturizer because Curly Buttercreme just wasn't cutting it and I also needed something all natural that wouldn't potentially clog my scalp. I tried Jane Carter Nourish and Shine and although it felt great it just didn't work for me. I also tried the Kera Care Natural Textures Hair Milk but it didn't seem to deliver what I was looking for either. So I decided to go to the Shea Moisture Curl and Style Hair Milk right as I was on the verge of going back to Curly Buttercreme for lack of anything else. Shea Moisture Hair Milk has been a welcomed and much needed addition to my regimen. I use it everyday to twist up my hair at night and to refresh my curls in the morning. It keeps my hair soft and manageable. I also added in the 100% jojoba and tea tree oils to my styling process and they have made a tremendous difference as well. Also I am now using the Shea Moisture Hold and Shine Moisture Mist instead of just water to wet my hair after applying my oils and leave in. I think it has helped with hold and lessening frizz as well. But most importantly I have finally achieved real natural hair. Although I have been natural, without a relaxer, for the last three years I never big chopped and got rid of my relaxed hair. So my hair has been growing out and shedding the relaxed hair for the last three years. But I believe that the changes I am seeing in the curliness and less need for product in my hair are a direct result of actually having my true natural hair on my head now instead of the vestiges of my old relaxed hair hanging on with the natural hair. My hair has never looked so good or felt so good. I am also helping it to grow and stay healthy with regular trims every 6-8 weeks. So its exciting to see how far it has come after three years of natural and only a year of a proper hair care regimen. I am really excited to see it a year from now and to see how far it can go in the next year of being fully natural. 

I Want to Live

Hello Blog! You have probably forgotten me or thought I had forgotten you but to tell the truth I have just been overwhelmed and busy. The last month has gone by incredibly fast. The hours, days and weeks have just been flying by. But I have had a really good month. I can't really remember my last post (will have to check on that) but I think I was liking what I was doing but still not completely satisfied. Well the last month found me finding a new niche in substitute teaching. I previously had worked with K through 5 and preferred K through 2 if possible because I was experiencing a lot of difficulty with the older kids and trying to manage their behaviour. But then I was assigned to work with Preschool. I was a little apprehensive about it at first but then grew to love working with 4 year olds. 4 year olds are awesome! Even though I come home exhausted it is much less taxing than dealing with the older grades and it is so rewarding working with them because they are so ready and wanting to learn. I have just really enjoyed being with them over the last month. It even has me thinking about whether or not I would like to be a PreK assistant teacher for next year. I have been having difficulty finding a full time job and I have not been able to find any museum jobs either so it might be good to take something that I know I could do. I don't think I would want to do it for the rest of my life but I can say that I don't dislike it. However, the pay is next to nothing and there is a two and half month gap in employment because of being out in the summer. It's not exactly what I have been holding out for the last 4 years but I was thinking that it might help me to get into a better place financially to get to where I want to be. I need to pay off some debts and I need to get a car (actually a used Jeep Cherokee) and also build up a savings. Also I would have benefits too which would be really nice since I have not had those since 2009. So there are perks to it that I don't have now as a sub that would be really great to have. But just this afternoon I was thinking about how in a way I feel guilty for being like, "Being a PreK assistant is not enough and I should just be thankful if I get the job." And on the other hand I feel like, "Being a PreK assistant is not what I want to do and it doesn't help me to have enough money to do anything that I really need or want to do." It's perplexing! I wouldn't mind being a PreK assistant and I love the school where I could potentially work but I do long for something more. I really want to live on my own and have my own life. I don't know that I could do that on an assistant's salary. I would definitely have to have another job. If I decided at some point to be a teacher I would have to go back to school which would probably be stressful but I suppose that I could do it. And then there's the question of whether I should give up my museum job dream. It's what I have wanted to do for so long and I don't know that if I gave up on it now if it might have been fulfilled right around the corner or if I need to go ahead and give it up and just move forward to something else. I feel conflicted about doing either.

But the good thing is that summer is coming. There are less than 10 days of the school year left and I will once again have the time to explore my options. I know that if a full time position does not come through for me over the summer that I can always go back to being a sub. Also I will have time to look for and apply for full time jobs once school is over. And if necessary I hopefully can find a good part time job that can supplement my substitute job once school is back in session. It sounds completely doable and logical, doesn't it? But I can't help but feel like I want more than this. It sounds good and respectable and like I am "doing something" about all this mess that I have found myself in but the truth is that I want so much more. I want to live in an exciting place, I want community and friendship, and I want to feel connected. I love the school that I work at and I love the people there because they are the reason that the school is such a great place to be but I still feel like an outsider there. I also am still not thrilled with Charlotte. Even though I am from here I just don't feel connected or comfortable being here. I think a lot of that does have to do with the fact that I don't have my own car and I don't have a lot of friends here. If I could get out more often and do things more independently I might feel different and if I could do that I might make some good friends and that would make it feel different too. But Charlotte is really not the kind of place that I have imagined myself being in. I like taking the metro/subway, I like walking where I need to go, and I like diversity. Charlotte is doing better on diversity but it doesn't compare in any of these areas to a DC or NYC. You have to drive everywhere to do things, then there isn't really a whole lot to do unless you have the money to participate in going to the opera or traveling companies of broadway shows. And Charlotte, to me, does not have a lot of mid-range activities. It's kind of like family oriented, cost effective fun on one end and then high brow, expensive activities on the other. I guess that there are subsets of Charlotte that I might find enjoyable but I don't know where those are. I guess you can create your own fun wherever you are. There's a neighborhood I have loved here for a longtime called Dilworth and if I ended up staying in Charlotte long term that is where I would like to live. It has great WW II era bungalow houses, sidewalk dining, and it's tree-lined and clean. I really like that neighborhood alot. It's hard to imagine being able to live there on an assistant's salary or even a teacher's salary. And of course I don't want to be living with my mother for the rest of my life. I just wish I could see where I will be down the road. What twists and turns in life will lead me to where I want and need to be? I really want stability. I want to know where I belong. I want to know what my purpose for being in this world is. I want to begin to fulfill that purpose. I want independence. I want a life and I want to live.

April's Over

Well the end of the fourth month of the year is on Monday. It seems like April just started and it's now almost over. The first week of April I was at home and also out looking for jobs. I heard back from two of the jobs I applied for and I am about to second interview for one of them. So I am really glad that I will have a summer job that will hopefully extend long term and I will hopefully be able to pair it with something else or either go back to subbing in the fall. I had another first in April as well. I subbed a whole week with one class. They were really cute Kindergartners. I really grew to like them a lot and over the course of the week I think they liked me as well. It was really nice having a regular routine and seeing the same faces everyday. I hope I get to sub for them again before the end of the school year. This past week I had another first as well. I worked with Pre-K students, 4 year olds. I had only been with one Pre-K class prior to the three that I was with this week but I really like Pre-K. They are so cute and so little still. I had a special affection for a little boy who became my friend this week. I think he barely reaches my knees when it comes to his height but his personality is much bigger than he is. He was sitting on my lap this week and he put his finger on one of my curls. He then told me that I needed to comb my hair when I got home. He is so sweet and so funny and has the cutest face. So it was a really long, tiring week but a good one still.

This week I had a chance to read my bible a little bit before school and I was reminded of some verses that God had given me last year. They were 1 Peter 5:7, Psalm 121, and Psalm 55:22. I was feeling anxious that day and also burdened because my mother is getting ready to move offices to another side of town which means that I will not be able to work at my preferred school anymore. That was troubling for me because I really like the place and the people. It's more than a school, it feels like a family. When I first started subbing I was going to different places all the time and then one day one of the secretaries asked for my number and said she would keep my on the sub list. I really didn't think much of it but she kept her word and it is the school that I have subbed at the most. It makes such a big difference when you know the school, its schedule and the staff. I love it there and the thought of not being able to sub there and my days of being able to sub there being numbered makes me really sad and also angry. It seems like whenever I get settled somewhere I am always having to move. I was really starting to like New Jersey so much when I had to leave there. I was really liking tutoring so much when I had to leave there. And now the school that I really like will be too far out of the way for me to get there starting in the middle of May. I feel picked on. So I drew encouragement from those scriptures this week but I am still dealing with the fact that I don't like having to change from the school that I really like to ones that I don't know. And I have subbed in enough other schools to know that not all schools have the same kind of staff that the school I like has. Some of the people are just rude and don't really care that you're there because you are the sub whereas my favorite school treats there subs really nicely and makes them feel welcome even if they are only there for a day. So I have some mixed feelings about all this going on.

And in the midst of all that going on I am still having a hard time with the fact that the jobs I have been applying for that have been full time with benefits jobs, I have not been able to get. It's really aggravating still having to live with a parent and not being able to secure a full time job so I can pay my bills save up to move and get out of here. I really desire and crave my own life and I feel so stuck right now that the hope of that seems to be fading. I have been subbing for the majority of the days that I can work with the exception of days that there are not jobs available or like this past Monday when I had to go register to vote so I could participate in the North Carolina primary. Other than that I have been subbing as much as I can and I don't make enough money to do anything really other than buy the things that I need and have a few meals out. It feels like a never-ending cylcle. I get up tired and I go to bed tired and at the end of a pay cycle I have very little to show for it. But I guess a lot of people feel that way these days. But I am still baffled by why I can't get a full time job and the only jobs that will accept me pay a piddly amount by the hour. I would think that a bachelor or Master's degree would at least be enough to help me get a customer service job or a secretarial position but everyone keeps responding that I don't have enough experience. It's so frustrating.

What I desire more than anything is to have my own life. I want to have my own home, pay off all my bills, get a dog, have a job that I really like and be able to go and do things that I really want to do and not do things I'm made to do or have to live my life around someonelse's life or schedule. I don't understand why it has been so hard for me to get out of this and I don't understand why things have not changed more quickly. I won't say I have done all I can because that would probably not be true but I know that there are people who do a lot less than all they can and still come out on top, it isn't fair. I think I am also disappointed because I was hoping that this year would be different, big different. Different in very noticeable and enjoyable ways. It has been different but with more of the same than anything exciting or new. I was really hoping that 2012 would be the year that everything changed for me but it is already four months in and not very much has changed. The good thing is that at least I'm working but it's not a job that I really enjoy or want to do, it's just what I could find. I want to be able to do something that I want to do and enjoy my life. I am not enjoying my life right now. I am lonely and friendless and I don't have any fun. Most nights I get picked up from school, drop my mom back off at work, race home to cook dinner, race back to pick up my mom and then drive home again to eat and watch a few minutes of TV before the exhaustion catches up with me and I go to sleep. Not very momentous or exciting. Oswald Chambers calls it the valley or the grey of daily life or drudgery. It is very hard to stay positive in the drudgery because we want to live on the mountaintop. The mountaintop are those seasons, days, or times in our lives where things are exceptionally good and everything goes exceptionally well and boosts us up to where we want to be. That is what I want. I want a mountaintop experience because I have been in the valley for 4 years. I'm tired of being rejected, losing everything, and being looked down on by my friends and family because I don't have anything. I feel like a loser. I don't want to be a loser anymore. I want to win at something, anything, but mainly at having a job and a life. It seems like the least anyone expects you to be able to accomplish in life are those two things and I would like to at least have that.

I really hope May is better and I really hope that the rest of the year holds more to be desired than these first few have.

Just Sayin' Hi

This week has been no joke! It has been long, difficult and hard. I had a week off with spring break which was actually not a break for me because I was running around looking for any credible business that would hire me. But then after all that I had to get up at 6 am again to be with the kiddies all day. The first three days I think I was completely asleep all day. But by the end of the week I was getting back into the groove. The kiddies were also adjusting to being back and that brought trials of its own but at least we all made it through alive. I fortunately/unfortunately was not able to find a job for this past Thursday so I had a little one day break which was desperately needed because I was so exhausted. However there were positives to this week. I had one job offer and another job interview. Both the jobs are part time but at least I can know when school ends that I will have something else to go to. Also I am really excited about the interview that I had with the last job, and I am hoping that it is the place that I end up getting to work for. This past week I also had to rely on Quick Curls from Miss Jessie's because I did not have time to do the 24 hr wait with Curly Meringue. And I am pleased to say that Quick Curls came through again. This time I was not able to let my hair dry before doing the twists. I did the twists on freshly washed hair. When I got up in the morning it was still wet but I just unraveled the twists gently and did not manipulate them too much. My hair dried gradually through the day and once I was able to get some Shea Moisture Hair Milk on it, it was fine. So I had a very good hair week. Other than those little tidbits nothing is very new. I had a rough day on Thursday because I let my emotions get the best of me. I was really sad and threw a pity party because I was unhappy with the way things look right now. I'm still dealing with the fact that this is not where I want to be in my life right now. There so much that I want and the main priority is a full time job which could lead to debt freedom, a house, and so much more. Two weeks ago I got an email from a museum that I had applied for a job at that I had not been chosen. I think I had some pent up anger and frustration about that because it seems like I keep getting rejected from all the good stuff that I want and I keep getting accepted by the stuff I don't want. That's really difficult. So I have been dealing with issues of rejection, disappointment, and weariness. I am feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. I had a reminder of Isaiah 40:29 today. That God gives strength to the weary, and that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. It's comforting but it's really not what I want right now. I want a timeline of how much longer all this stuff is going to go on. In my Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest" today he said that too often we complain when God burdens us in an effort to move us closer to Him. We whine instead of becoming the wine that He is pressing us into. I am definitely there. I want to be a regular person. I want to be normal. I want to have a same as everybody else life and I don't and I don't think that I ever will. And I have to accept that and believe that it really is for my good that God is doing all of this. Sometimes I feel overlooked and left out like God is picking a kickball team and I am the last one standing on the line waiting to be picked. I feel like that most of the time. I feel like everybody else is on the team and I am begging to get picked too but for some reason it is taking a long time for Him to decide if He wants me or not. I know in my head better than that but my feelings do get hurt when I feel like God is rewarding people who seemingly do not have to struggle for anything. They make their mind up to do something and it gets done. All the doors open and all the circumstances go their way. All I want is a job with some benefits so I can get some contacts and get my teeth cleaned and that feels like I'm asking too much. Life is definitely not fair. But I have to believe that on the other side of the hurt and the pain is something that is good and that it is from God. He may have me in a holding pattern but I have to believe that it will get better. If I didn't believe that I would give up right now and quit. So I have just resolved to do whatever I have to do and to walk through whatever door opens until I know exactly what all of this is for. And that is hard because we often think that we have it planned so perfectly and that if God would do it our way it would just be great. But I think because we do that He uses the things we least expect or like the least to get us to where we want to be the most. So until I get to where I want to be I'm surviving where I am. It's hard, it's tough, and it is daunting but I'm still alive.

Trayvon Martin, Piers Morgan,Toure and Race in America

I don't have cable so I couldn't see the virtual sparring that went on between Piers Morgan and Toure on Friday night. But I have been watching the video and have read an article about it from someone who watched it for themself. After having viewed and read about this article I have to say that I am on #TeamToure. If you are not familiar with Toure, he is a music and pop culture journalist who works for NBC as well as Fuse. Toure took Piers Morgan to task on Friday for not asking pressing enough questions of George Zimmerman's brother, Robert, in an interview on his show. Toure felt that the questions given to the brother were not in depth enough to shed any new light to the situation but only to try to give Zimmerman's family a leg up in media coverage due to the outpouring of support in the court of public opinion for the Martin family.

One point stuck out more than any other and that's what I was most intrigued by. Toure pointed out that Piers is too fresh to the United States to fully and properly understand the racial divide that still exists here today. Piers argued that being from Britain and only having been in the country for 6 or 7 years was not a deterrent to understanding why the Trayvon Martin case is important to America. On the other hand Toure said that Piers was not acquainted with all the implications that are involved in this case and that he is an outsider to the issue of race in America. From there the argument got heated and Piers resorted to sophomoric tactics of questioning Toure's journalistic integrity when in actuality he was smarting from the fact that he had been exposed for not being familiar enough on the topic of race to actually be a trusted voice in the analyzing of this particular event. To me this does not mean that Piers' opinion about the matter doesn't mean anything but that he may not fully understand why people, specifically black people, are so upset about this case. Before the Trayvon Martin killing there were many events that happened that got black people brewing with unrest and anger. There have been cases where black men have been beaten, tortured, shot, and wrongly convicted on little or no evidence that they were a threat over the course of the last decade and even before. The outpouring of support generally did not reach this level and even if people were outraged and ready for political action the interest waned and there was little if any resolution. But I think what's different about Trayvon Martin is that he was a teenager, unarmed, and did not provoke, as far as we know, any of the events that led to his tragic shooting. Also we have a small window into the events of that night through 911 tapes and video footage of George Zimmerman after the shooting. In the 911 tapes there is a racial slur used on the phone, the 911 operator tells Mr. Zimmerman not to follow Trayvon and then there are yells for help which have been attributed to Trayvon before the audible gun shot that took his life. The fact that the event happened over a month ago and George Zimmerman is still out of prison is an outrage. Also the Stand Your Ground Law which Zimmerman's defense is trying to use in order to say that he was acting in self defense has made people even more upset because there is little to no evidence that Zimmerman was attacked by Trayvon and by his own admission he followed Trayvon because he thought he was up to no good and didn't want him to get away.

The situation is a nightmare for the families involved and for our nation as a whole. The fact that a young teenage, black male was gunned down for nothing other than trying to find out who was following him is an eye opening reminder that America has not healed its racial wounds. Many people began saying after President Obama won the election in 2008 that issues of race were over because a black man held the highest office in the land. However, that is not true. If anything the election of Obama and this recent death of Trayvon have proved that Americans are still very racially divided. Many people questioned Obama's birth in the United States because of his name and you might wonder if it also had to do with his skin color. There was the issue with Obama's former pastor who had said some things that were racist against white people and had to be addressed by Senator Obama at the time. Right after President Obama took office there was a cartoon that seemingly depicted him as a monkey in addition to he and his wife being portrayed as terrorists on the cover of The New Yorker. Fast forward 3 odd years later and Trayvon has once again opened up the dialogue for talks about whether race is still relevant in our society. And one of the most circulated critiques came from Geraldo Rivera who said on national television that black and Latino youths who wear hoodies are asking to get shot because they are associating themselves with gangs and criminals. So if there were any doubt in any one's mind about whether or not race is still a prevalent issue today that question should have been answered in the last month.

So back to Toure and Piers. I totally agree with Toure that Piers is too new to the nation to understand what all is going on here with the protesting of Trayvon's death and Zimmerman's freedom. Piers does not share a common heritage with us in the sense that many Americans have parents or grandparents who lived through segregation, were involved in the Civil Rights Movement and have benefited from gains made in the Civil Rights Movement only to see that the victory is slowly slipping away. I think that many people feel like Trayvon's death is a modern version of a lynching. Toure equated the feelings he felt about the Trayvon case to the photo of Emmett Till's disfigured body in his casket. And the difference is that during the murder of Emmett Till the black community was just waking up to the realization of the power of its unified voice, now the black community is repossessing that voice by keeping an unrelenting vigil for Trayvon. Piers cannot understand that because he has not lived it. And I challenge Toure to ask Piers if he would even know about the struggles that are being faced by minorities in his own country let alone ours. Piers became overly defensive at Toure's accusation that he simply did not get it when it comes to the sensitivity of race in this country but I think his defensiveness came because he knew deep down that Toure was right.

I really and truly hope that people monitoring the Trayvon case, watching CNN, and voicing their own opinions by wearing hoodies or signing the petition for Trayvon will really examine themselves to determine how they can be a catalyst for social change. We have been in the struggle for a long time and it is nowhere near over but it can get better than where are right now.


Piers Morgan
Toure
Toure Apology
Piers Morgan Tonight
The Daily Beast Article
Huffington Post Article
Petition for the Prosecution of George Zimmerman