Another Day

Well I finished my cooking and dinner last night and then I was so excited about the newly cleaned apartment that I couldn't sleep. I was also caught up in a The Hills marathon since the last episode of the series is this Tuesday I decided to watch the infamous moments once again. I also called the maintenance man because the handle to the toilet broke and I knew that that would need to be fixed ASAP. But the man that comes and fixes most things that end up broken here came and set everything back to normal. So glad that this building has 24-hour maintenance. When I move into my own apartment I must remember to look for the same thing. I looked for new people to follow on Twitter and then just watched more TV. I need to get it together and read a book or do something productive with myself. Later today I need to clean the bathroom which I have not been looking forward to but must be done. So that's about it. I am getting ready to eat some dinner and probably will do some reading before the end of the evening. I am looking forward to church tomorrow.

Finally Something Productive

Today I accomplished something! I started cleaning the living room, dining area, and the kitchen today. I also packed up all my clothes that had exploded all over the place. Now everything is in its rightful place and there is less dust and junk all over the place. I cleaned and then took a break to do to the grocery store to get some meatloaf mix. I was going to make spaghetti with turkey tonight but decided I would rather make the ground turkey into a meatloaf but I needed more mix to make it. So I got some mix at the store and enjoyed the warm summer night a little bit before coming back and cooking dinner and finishing cleaning. I really would have liked to enjoy the night more. It was a perfect night for a sidewalk cafe dinner or a nice stroll on a NYC street. Hopefully next summer I will be able to do those things. Nonetheless it was nice to get out for a little bit. And the apartment is so much cleaner now. All I have to do is deep clean the bathroom and mom's visit can commence. I packed all the clothes that I wear regularly in a suitcase and got excited over thinking about not having to pack my suitcase in the future. One day soon I am going to have my own apartment again and I am going to have an armour and I won't have to pack my clothes in a suitcase anymore. I can't wait to have a dog as I rambled about last night and then I also want to have a kitchen too with lots of utensils and supplies for cooking and baking, which I think I have also expounded on before as well. It excites me very much to think about having the life that I dream of. It's in a place that I love and it's only 45 min away. I have been dreaming of living in New York since my senior year of college and no matter how much I loved DC it never can compare to the Big Apple when it comes to my affection for a city. I look forward to fresh pastry and going to Lindy's to get cheesecake to celebrate special occasions and going to concerts and walking and picnicking in Central Park and finally filling in more posts on my museum blog. And there are so many more things I want to experience as well. I can't wait. I am literally thrilled! I just can't contain it. I think my mom and I are going to New York next week and although it is not my mom's favorite place to go I know that she will enjoy it for me and that she will enjoy our spending time together. We both have talked about going to the Louis Armstrong House Museum and I hope we go there and maybe some other places too. I am so looking forward to hanging out with my mom and having someone to spend the day with. My parents get in on Sunday or Monday and then mom and I are scheduled to hang out on Tuesday so I can't wait. I am thinking about going to the movies tomorrow to either see Despicable Me or The Last Airbender. I guess we'll see how that goes. Tomorrow is kind of the last day of my week of solitude. But I guess a movie wouldn't be a bad way to end it. Well it's late and I am actually tired from working hard for once so I am going to bed or at least going to lay on my bed/couch.

PS- I am trying to top my monthly best blogging record of 14, so I think I am going to make it!

I Need to Get Out More

I realized today as I was doing the dishes that I need to get out of this apartment more. I am secluding myself in here. Often I don't want to go anywhere because it reminds me of my lack of money and not being able to do anything. But I have also come to enjoy just driving around and searching out new ways of getting home from the towns around here. But I need to breathe fresh air everyday and get some sunlight, if only to keep myself from being vitamin D deficient. So tomorrow I am planning to go out at some point and just do something, even if it is just going to the park and walking around or going to the mall and looking around I have got to get out and do something!

Patience is Having A Good Attitude While Waiting

Joyce Meyer wrote these words in her bestseller Battlefield of the Mind. They were true when I read them over a year ago and they are still true for me now. I am in a waiting process and I have no idea where I am headed. However, I know that it will be better than where I have been and that is because God is in control of it all. I have run out of myself and am no longer reliant on me. I had several devotionals this morning that spoke to this point and I realize that daily I must make a decision to not complain about how long it takes for me to get where I am going. I used to look at the future in fear like, "What's going to happen to me?" And usually I would be thinking about what negative things were going to happen to me. But over the last month I have moved from that mindset to thinking, "What good things are going to happen to me in the future?" I believe that the future holds nothing but good things. There will always be challanges and trials but I believe that I have been through this trial because I am headed somewhere that I really want and need to be. It excites me because I am ready for it. I used to draw from self-pity and trying to seek out pity and sympathy from others but now I can't wait to get back into the race and to do whatever it is I am supposed to be doing. And I know that what is going on in my life right now is what I am supposed to be doing but I am ready for fulfilling my purpose in life. I am ready to get out of this apartment and out of this town. I want to live in New York, and work in New York, and hopefully meet my future husband in New York. I want it so badly. But I believe that all of that will happen when it is supposed to. I think for now though it's important to have the vision of doing those things and trusting that it will happen.

Tonight I watched Bethenny Getting Married? on Bravo. She was talking about how she had waited for the right man and wanted to get married and have a baby for so long and I could not help but feel like I wanted that too. It's weird with me. I go back and forth. I think deep down I do want to be married and have my own family. But I think at times I convince myself that I don't care if it does or doesn't happen because if it didn't I wouldn't want to be disappointed. But you know I really do want it but I am not counting on that to define me. It's so funny that this year is my 10th high school reunion and I know that so many people that I grew up with will be going and they will have spouses with them and be talking about having homes and children. I am just not there yet and I am not sure that I want to be just yet. But I know that there is a part of me that wants that too. I also want a dog. I just love animals and I really feel incomplete not having one. I had a fish named, Harry, for a year and a half and he died last June. It was so nice when I would come home and he was there. I didn't live with anyone and often times I was without plans and it was just nice to come home to something other than silence. Plus it made me feel good to take care of him. So I really don't think I want another fish, Harry was the best one that I had ever had but it has been a long time since I've had a pet. I really think that the next pet should be a dog. I have longed for a pure bred German Shepard since I was a little girl and I really can't wait to have one of my own. I think I would like to have my own home definitely if I was to have that kind of dog just because it would be cruel to keep a dog that big in a tiny apartment.

This has been one random blog! I don't know why but if you are reading it know that I had a very introspective kind of day and I think it all just came out here.

Until tomorrow!

PS- You may be diverted, distracted and feel defeated, but if you move forward, you will get there. - Bethenny Frankel

Day Three of My Staycation

Well today was the third day of my week alone. It started off much earlier than I thought it would which was a good thing. I was awakened by a phone call with a 917 (New York) area code. My curiosity got the better of me and I wondered if perhaps this might be a phone call from some organization or individual in New York. After calling my parents and making sure they traveled safely I checked my messages only to find that it was some credit card company that according to the Internet has been plaguing many people in this area.

After my little stint on the phone I listened to two of my new Joseph Prince messages. They were really good and I learned a lot. I started feeling really sleepy after I finished listening and taking notes. I ate some lunch and then took a really long cat nap. When I finally awoke I finally concentrated enough to do my quiet time. After that I made dinner.

I was looking forward to making this particular dinner of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn on the cobb for a little while and was glad to finally be able to have it. Only I should have concentrated on one thing at a time instead of trying to fix everything together and watch Top Chef. Eventually everything cooked and I got to eat the dinner I really like. Instead of ketchup on my meatloaf, I used KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce which is tangy and sweet and gives the meat a different taste than the ketchup. Eventually I would like to get to the place where I can see things on television or in cookbooks and be able to replicate them at home. I felt like I was kind of doing that when I was on my own in DC because I would cook from recipes or put things together that I thought would taste good together. Evenutally I want to have a fully stocked kitchen and take some classes to know what to do.

Also as I watch Top Chef it's so bittersweet to be like, "Hey, I used to live there!" But I know that I am doing much better here in Jersey. But it is cool to see some of the old places that I used to go like Dupont Circle. On tonight's episode Chef Spike Mendelsohn (http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/politics/blogs/yeas-and-nays/More-Good-Stuff_-D_C__s-burger-_king_-set-to-open-pizza-place-8371868-64047442.html) was on as one of the guest judges. I used to live just a few blocks over from Good Stuff Eatery and on nights when I was too lazy to cook or didn't have any groceries I would go to good stuff and grab a burger, some fries or onion rings, and a Boylan soda. It was my favorite restaurant on Capitol Hill and I miss being able to go there. It was always packed and one of the few places that you could go to without there being smoke pouring out of it or drunks everywhere late at night. The best memories of going there were with friends and the conversations and good food that we shared together. I miss it. But the memories I will have forever.

Anyway today was pretty much the laziest day that I have had in a little while but it was nice. I also was avoiding the heat as we are going through a ferocious heat wave with close to and upwards of 100 degrees. I am really thankful that I have electricity and air conditioning because I know that so many people are without power and that it is really miserable to live without air conditioning and electricity.

This weekend my mom is coming back with my dad from Tennessee. I am looking forward to the two of us spending time together and hoping that it won't be too hot to go to New York and have some fun. I am hoping that we get to go to the Louis Armstrong House Museum and then blog about it on my museum blog.

Home Alone

This week my dad is on vacation and I am home alone. It feels good. I have not been alone by myself at home in a while and I miss being able to do certain things I can't do when I am not by myself. Most of all I like being able to have my own schedule. I can read as long as I want to and watch tv shows I want to and go out when I need to. It's awesome. I can't help but also feeling like a teenager because the things I am excited about getting to do on my own are exactly what I would have wanted to do when I was without my parents when I was 16. Hilarious and a little sad even. But never fear I have hope that things are only getting better meaning that I will get out of the situation that I am currently in and have been in for a long time now and I will get back to living my own life but now with a new purpose and more maturity than I had before. I have definitly grown in the months that I have been here and feel as though I am being prepared for something in the future. But I still have no idea what. I am just trying to learn and grow as much as I can now and use the time that I have to read the Bible, read my Christian living books and absorb as much as I can/ Last Sunday I had a really encouraging experience. I went to church by myself and I sat with my friend Debbie. She was the first friend I made at LOJ and she always takes time to say Hi to me and ask how I am doing which means so much. So I got to sit with her and church which was fun. Then I ran into a lady that I had met through the prayer team. She is on the prayer team and I had gone up for prayer about a job that I had applied to that I really wanted. She remembered praying for me about that job. I told her that I didn't get it and that I was just waiting for the next thing to come. She assured me that God would open the right door at the right time and that she had felt that the job that I wanted may not be the right opportunity for me. I was encouraged that she remembered me and that she was encouraging me to hang on and keep going until the right thing did come along. Right now my life is a waiting period. I have exhausted all of myself, which I have learned is a part of the process. I have no leads and I have no more plans. I used to think that this was a bad thing but I have learned that it is a trust exercise between me and the Lord. I have to exhaust all of me to learn that it is only through leaning on and relying on and trusting in Him that I will get to where I need to be. Joseph Prince, a pastor in Singapore, says that you have to rest if you want God to work. I admit that that sounded strange the first time that I heard it. But I have come to realize that it's true. We can't really give God all the glory if there is some ounce of us saying that we contributed too. I have also heard several ministers say that the more desperate the situtation becomes the greater work that God has in store for you. This saying both scares and excites me. Scary because I have so many loose ends and a lot of things that I could worry about and fret over and exciting because I believe that there will be a big move on my behalf from God. So in the meantime while I am waiting for the door to open I have to have a good attitude, think positive, trust in the Lord, and maintain a vision of good things happening in the future. I believe that things are getting better and that I will get to where I need to be. I also know that I have many things about myself that need to change and that I need to be actively working on those things as well and not get mad at myself if I don't get them all accomplished at once because it takes time to develop these things. But I am thankful that I am not where I was last year at this time and I am thankful that I am not where I was 9 months ago when I moved to NJ. It's all a process and I am thankful to have gone through this process and also awaiting the end to this particular stage of the process. It is no fun to be broke, unable to do things you enjoy and not know where you are headed but the comfort is knowing that I will end up exactly where I need to be because God knows all of these things and cares about them as they relate to me even more than I care about them.

There Goes June

Well this week is the close of one month and the beginning of a new one. It's so hard to believe that the month is already over. I can't believe that this weekend is already the 4th of July. I am looking forward to it because I am hoping to go to Liberty State Park in Jersey City to watch the fireworks over the Hudson. I am looking so forward to it.

Yesterday I finished my last new members class at Love of Jesus Family Church. So in July I will receive the right hand of fellowship with my fellow class members. I am really excited about being able to finally have a church that I belong to. I also am looking forward to joining a ministry team and being able to work with the church more. It's a really exciting time for me there. Tomorrow my pastor,Jason Alvarez will be on TBN at 10 pm!

June seems to have just quickly passed me by but I am assured that each passing month will bring joys of its own. I experienced my cousin's wedding this month and got to see family that I hadn't seen in so long. I also started to venture out into Woodbridge and finally feel like I know where I am going when I drive around. I even got lost and was able to find my way back.

I am starting to feel more stable and more at peace here and I thank God for that because 8 months ago I did not feel that way at all. But I know that God has a perfect plan for my life and that it will be fulfilled in His perfect timing.