April's Over

Well the end of the fourth month of the year is on Monday. It seems like April just started and it's now almost over. The first week of April I was at home and also out looking for jobs. I heard back from two of the jobs I applied for and I am about to second interview for one of them. So I am really glad that I will have a summer job that will hopefully extend long term and I will hopefully be able to pair it with something else or either go back to subbing in the fall. I had another first in April as well. I subbed a whole week with one class. They were really cute Kindergartners. I really grew to like them a lot and over the course of the week I think they liked me as well. It was really nice having a regular routine and seeing the same faces everyday. I hope I get to sub for them again before the end of the school year. This past week I had another first as well. I worked with Pre-K students, 4 year olds. I had only been with one Pre-K class prior to the three that I was with this week but I really like Pre-K. They are so cute and so little still. I had a special affection for a little boy who became my friend this week. I think he barely reaches my knees when it comes to his height but his personality is much bigger than he is. He was sitting on my lap this week and he put his finger on one of my curls. He then told me that I needed to comb my hair when I got home. He is so sweet and so funny and has the cutest face. So it was a really long, tiring week but a good one still.

This week I had a chance to read my bible a little bit before school and I was reminded of some verses that God had given me last year. They were 1 Peter 5:7, Psalm 121, and Psalm 55:22. I was feeling anxious that day and also burdened because my mother is getting ready to move offices to another side of town which means that I will not be able to work at my preferred school anymore. That was troubling for me because I really like the place and the people. It's more than a school, it feels like a family. When I first started subbing I was going to different places all the time and then one day one of the secretaries asked for my number and said she would keep my on the sub list. I really didn't think much of it but she kept her word and it is the school that I have subbed at the most. It makes such a big difference when you know the school, its schedule and the staff. I love it there and the thought of not being able to sub there and my days of being able to sub there being numbered makes me really sad and also angry. It seems like whenever I get settled somewhere I am always having to move. I was really starting to like New Jersey so much when I had to leave there. I was really liking tutoring so much when I had to leave there. And now the school that I really like will be too far out of the way for me to get there starting in the middle of May. I feel picked on. So I drew encouragement from those scriptures this week but I am still dealing with the fact that I don't like having to change from the school that I really like to ones that I don't know. And I have subbed in enough other schools to know that not all schools have the same kind of staff that the school I like has. Some of the people are just rude and don't really care that you're there because you are the sub whereas my favorite school treats there subs really nicely and makes them feel welcome even if they are only there for a day. So I have some mixed feelings about all this going on.

And in the midst of all that going on I am still having a hard time with the fact that the jobs I have been applying for that have been full time with benefits jobs, I have not been able to get. It's really aggravating still having to live with a parent and not being able to secure a full time job so I can pay my bills save up to move and get out of here. I really desire and crave my own life and I feel so stuck right now that the hope of that seems to be fading. I have been subbing for the majority of the days that I can work with the exception of days that there are not jobs available or like this past Monday when I had to go register to vote so I could participate in the North Carolina primary. Other than that I have been subbing as much as I can and I don't make enough money to do anything really other than buy the things that I need and have a few meals out. It feels like a never-ending cylcle. I get up tired and I go to bed tired and at the end of a pay cycle I have very little to show for it. But I guess a lot of people feel that way these days. But I am still baffled by why I can't get a full time job and the only jobs that will accept me pay a piddly amount by the hour. I would think that a bachelor or Master's degree would at least be enough to help me get a customer service job or a secretarial position but everyone keeps responding that I don't have enough experience. It's so frustrating.

What I desire more than anything is to have my own life. I want to have my own home, pay off all my bills, get a dog, have a job that I really like and be able to go and do things that I really want to do and not do things I'm made to do or have to live my life around someonelse's life or schedule. I don't understand why it has been so hard for me to get out of this and I don't understand why things have not changed more quickly. I won't say I have done all I can because that would probably not be true but I know that there are people who do a lot less than all they can and still come out on top, it isn't fair. I think I am also disappointed because I was hoping that this year would be different, big different. Different in very noticeable and enjoyable ways. It has been different but with more of the same than anything exciting or new. I was really hoping that 2012 would be the year that everything changed for me but it is already four months in and not very much has changed. The good thing is that at least I'm working but it's not a job that I really enjoy or want to do, it's just what I could find. I want to be able to do something that I want to do and enjoy my life. I am not enjoying my life right now. I am lonely and friendless and I don't have any fun. Most nights I get picked up from school, drop my mom back off at work, race home to cook dinner, race back to pick up my mom and then drive home again to eat and watch a few minutes of TV before the exhaustion catches up with me and I go to sleep. Not very momentous or exciting. Oswald Chambers calls it the valley or the grey of daily life or drudgery. It is very hard to stay positive in the drudgery because we want to live on the mountaintop. The mountaintop are those seasons, days, or times in our lives where things are exceptionally good and everything goes exceptionally well and boosts us up to where we want to be. That is what I want. I want a mountaintop experience because I have been in the valley for 4 years. I'm tired of being rejected, losing everything, and being looked down on by my friends and family because I don't have anything. I feel like a loser. I don't want to be a loser anymore. I want to win at something, anything, but mainly at having a job and a life. It seems like the least anyone expects you to be able to accomplish in life are those two things and I would like to at least have that.

I really hope May is better and I really hope that the rest of the year holds more to be desired than these first few have.

Just Sayin' Hi

This week has been no joke! It has been long, difficult and hard. I had a week off with spring break which was actually not a break for me because I was running around looking for any credible business that would hire me. But then after all that I had to get up at 6 am again to be with the kiddies all day. The first three days I think I was completely asleep all day. But by the end of the week I was getting back into the groove. The kiddies were also adjusting to being back and that brought trials of its own but at least we all made it through alive. I fortunately/unfortunately was not able to find a job for this past Thursday so I had a little one day break which was desperately needed because I was so exhausted. However there were positives to this week. I had one job offer and another job interview. Both the jobs are part time but at least I can know when school ends that I will have something else to go to. Also I am really excited about the interview that I had with the last job, and I am hoping that it is the place that I end up getting to work for. This past week I also had to rely on Quick Curls from Miss Jessie's because I did not have time to do the 24 hr wait with Curly Meringue. And I am pleased to say that Quick Curls came through again. This time I was not able to let my hair dry before doing the twists. I did the twists on freshly washed hair. When I got up in the morning it was still wet but I just unraveled the twists gently and did not manipulate them too much. My hair dried gradually through the day and once I was able to get some Shea Moisture Hair Milk on it, it was fine. So I had a very good hair week. Other than those little tidbits nothing is very new. I had a rough day on Thursday because I let my emotions get the best of me. I was really sad and threw a pity party because I was unhappy with the way things look right now. I'm still dealing with the fact that this is not where I want to be in my life right now. There so much that I want and the main priority is a full time job which could lead to debt freedom, a house, and so much more. Two weeks ago I got an email from a museum that I had applied for a job at that I had not been chosen. I think I had some pent up anger and frustration about that because it seems like I keep getting rejected from all the good stuff that I want and I keep getting accepted by the stuff I don't want. That's really difficult. So I have been dealing with issues of rejection, disappointment, and weariness. I am feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. I had a reminder of Isaiah 40:29 today. That God gives strength to the weary, and that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. It's comforting but it's really not what I want right now. I want a timeline of how much longer all this stuff is going to go on. In my Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest" today he said that too often we complain when God burdens us in an effort to move us closer to Him. We whine instead of becoming the wine that He is pressing us into. I am definitely there. I want to be a regular person. I want to be normal. I want to have a same as everybody else life and I don't and I don't think that I ever will. And I have to accept that and believe that it really is for my good that God is doing all of this. Sometimes I feel overlooked and left out like God is picking a kickball team and I am the last one standing on the line waiting to be picked. I feel like that most of the time. I feel like everybody else is on the team and I am begging to get picked too but for some reason it is taking a long time for Him to decide if He wants me or not. I know in my head better than that but my feelings do get hurt when I feel like God is rewarding people who seemingly do not have to struggle for anything. They make their mind up to do something and it gets done. All the doors open and all the circumstances go their way. All I want is a job with some benefits so I can get some contacts and get my teeth cleaned and that feels like I'm asking too much. Life is definitely not fair. But I have to believe that on the other side of the hurt and the pain is something that is good and that it is from God. He may have me in a holding pattern but I have to believe that it will get better. If I didn't believe that I would give up right now and quit. So I have just resolved to do whatever I have to do and to walk through whatever door opens until I know exactly what all of this is for. And that is hard because we often think that we have it planned so perfectly and that if God would do it our way it would just be great. But I think because we do that He uses the things we least expect or like the least to get us to where we want to be the most. So until I get to where I want to be I'm surviving where I am. It's hard, it's tough, and it is daunting but I'm still alive.

Trayvon Martin, Piers Morgan,Toure and Race in America

I don't have cable so I couldn't see the virtual sparring that went on between Piers Morgan and Toure on Friday night. But I have been watching the video and have read an article about it from someone who watched it for themself. After having viewed and read about this article I have to say that I am on #TeamToure. If you are not familiar with Toure, he is a music and pop culture journalist who works for NBC as well as Fuse. Toure took Piers Morgan to task on Friday for not asking pressing enough questions of George Zimmerman's brother, Robert, in an interview on his show. Toure felt that the questions given to the brother were not in depth enough to shed any new light to the situation but only to try to give Zimmerman's family a leg up in media coverage due to the outpouring of support in the court of public opinion for the Martin family.

One point stuck out more than any other and that's what I was most intrigued by. Toure pointed out that Piers is too fresh to the United States to fully and properly understand the racial divide that still exists here today. Piers argued that being from Britain and only having been in the country for 6 or 7 years was not a deterrent to understanding why the Trayvon Martin case is important to America. On the other hand Toure said that Piers was not acquainted with all the implications that are involved in this case and that he is an outsider to the issue of race in America. From there the argument got heated and Piers resorted to sophomoric tactics of questioning Toure's journalistic integrity when in actuality he was smarting from the fact that he had been exposed for not being familiar enough on the topic of race to actually be a trusted voice in the analyzing of this particular event. To me this does not mean that Piers' opinion about the matter doesn't mean anything but that he may not fully understand why people, specifically black people, are so upset about this case. Before the Trayvon Martin killing there were many events that happened that got black people brewing with unrest and anger. There have been cases where black men have been beaten, tortured, shot, and wrongly convicted on little or no evidence that they were a threat over the course of the last decade and even before. The outpouring of support generally did not reach this level and even if people were outraged and ready for political action the interest waned and there was little if any resolution. But I think what's different about Trayvon Martin is that he was a teenager, unarmed, and did not provoke, as far as we know, any of the events that led to his tragic shooting. Also we have a small window into the events of that night through 911 tapes and video footage of George Zimmerman after the shooting. In the 911 tapes there is a racial slur used on the phone, the 911 operator tells Mr. Zimmerman not to follow Trayvon and then there are yells for help which have been attributed to Trayvon before the audible gun shot that took his life. The fact that the event happened over a month ago and George Zimmerman is still out of prison is an outrage. Also the Stand Your Ground Law which Zimmerman's defense is trying to use in order to say that he was acting in self defense has made people even more upset because there is little to no evidence that Zimmerman was attacked by Trayvon and by his own admission he followed Trayvon because he thought he was up to no good and didn't want him to get away.

The situation is a nightmare for the families involved and for our nation as a whole. The fact that a young teenage, black male was gunned down for nothing other than trying to find out who was following him is an eye opening reminder that America has not healed its racial wounds. Many people began saying after President Obama won the election in 2008 that issues of race were over because a black man held the highest office in the land. However, that is not true. If anything the election of Obama and this recent death of Trayvon have proved that Americans are still very racially divided. Many people questioned Obama's birth in the United States because of his name and you might wonder if it also had to do with his skin color. There was the issue with Obama's former pastor who had said some things that were racist against white people and had to be addressed by Senator Obama at the time. Right after President Obama took office there was a cartoon that seemingly depicted him as a monkey in addition to he and his wife being portrayed as terrorists on the cover of The New Yorker. Fast forward 3 odd years later and Trayvon has once again opened up the dialogue for talks about whether race is still relevant in our society. And one of the most circulated critiques came from Geraldo Rivera who said on national television that black and Latino youths who wear hoodies are asking to get shot because they are associating themselves with gangs and criminals. So if there were any doubt in any one's mind about whether or not race is still a prevalent issue today that question should have been answered in the last month.

So back to Toure and Piers. I totally agree with Toure that Piers is too new to the nation to understand what all is going on here with the protesting of Trayvon's death and Zimmerman's freedom. Piers does not share a common heritage with us in the sense that many Americans have parents or grandparents who lived through segregation, were involved in the Civil Rights Movement and have benefited from gains made in the Civil Rights Movement only to see that the victory is slowly slipping away. I think that many people feel like Trayvon's death is a modern version of a lynching. Toure equated the feelings he felt about the Trayvon case to the photo of Emmett Till's disfigured body in his casket. And the difference is that during the murder of Emmett Till the black community was just waking up to the realization of the power of its unified voice, now the black community is repossessing that voice by keeping an unrelenting vigil for Trayvon. Piers cannot understand that because he has not lived it. And I challenge Toure to ask Piers if he would even know about the struggles that are being faced by minorities in his own country let alone ours. Piers became overly defensive at Toure's accusation that he simply did not get it when it comes to the sensitivity of race in this country but I think his defensiveness came because he knew deep down that Toure was right.

I really and truly hope that people monitoring the Trayvon case, watching CNN, and voicing their own opinions by wearing hoodies or signing the petition for Trayvon will really examine themselves to determine how they can be a catalyst for social change. We have been in the struggle for a long time and it is nowhere near over but it can get better than where are right now.


Piers Morgan
Toure
Toure Apology
Piers Morgan Tonight
The Daily Beast Article
Huffington Post Article
Petition for the Prosecution of George Zimmerman

Hair Update

Today I tried Miss Jessie's Quick Curls. It's a light weight, quick drying cream to create curls that don't take all day to dry. I tried it mainly because I wanted something that I could use when I don't have the time to dry my twist outs for a day and a half with Miss Jessie's Curly Meringue.

First of all I love the scent of Quick Curls it smells like lemongrass and citrus. I wanted an orange the whole time I was doing my hair. The formula is extremely light. I went a little heavy with the application because I wanted to be sure and get every part of my hair saturated. I shingled my hair as well working from the bottom to the top in small sections raking the product through my curls. I have to say that it keeps its promise as a light weight formula and also for its quick drying properties as well. At first when my hair was still drying I was concerned that I was not going to have successful results. My curls were very loose and looked as if they might start to frizz. But an hour to two hours after applying the product I had defined spirals and minimal shrinkage. My hair is still drying at this point about 4.5 hours later but is more than 80% dry. The true test of whether or not Quick Curls works for me will be when I twist my hair later tonight and then take it down tomorrow. Hopefully the curls will spring right back and I will have found my perfect go to wash-n-go styling product!

One Year Later

This Thursday marks a year since I have been in North Carolina. At the time that I came I really didn't want to come at all. I expected that I would only have to be hear maybe a month if not a little more than that. Over time I was able to see that I wanted to be here a little longer because there were things that I wanted to do here at the time. I wanted to go to my cousin's college graduation, my other cousin's baby shower and then visit her after the baby was born and I wanted to go to my aunt's 50th birthday party. All of that was happening over the summer months. So I thought that I would at least want to stay over the summer. I was fortunately able to stay over the summer and attend all of those events including a family reunion that I had not had the chance to attend in several years. It was a really good time because I had not seen a lot of my family in 5 years or more. But then at the end of the summer I had to make a decision about whether I was going to go back to New Jersey or stay in North Carolina. I honestly didn't want to do either. I wanted to move to New York. I applied for a great job in New York in August. I was really hoping that I would get it. After two weeks I sent a follow up email. But I never heard anything back from them. I was really stressed out about the decision because either place meant having to live with a parent and being completely dependent. Around that time I got a job announcement for a tutoring company that was hiring tutors for the upcoming school year. I decided to go ahead and apply thinking that I wouldn't get the position anyway. To my surprise I did get the job and I decided that since I had not been able to get the NYC job that maybe the Lord had made the decision for me. So I decided that I would stay. I continued to apply for jobs in NYC and also in DC on a whim. But I would not hear anything back from them. The job with the tutoring company started in November. It was difficult at first learning to work with young children but over time I came to enjoy it and the kids were so great. But the job was only until March, or so I thought. In late January I received a notice that our school's tutoring would come to an end in February. So I was left with another moment of decision to figure out what I would do next. I had been accepted as a substitute teacher in our school system in December but had yet to take any sub jobs because I was really intimidated by having to be in control of a classroom of students for a whole day. But as the end came nearer and nearer for the tutoring job I only had subbing as an option. I had applied for another NYC job and there had still not been an answer on that either. So I had to sign up and hope for the best. My first few times subbing were not too difficult. The kids were hard to contain but we made it through each day. Then I had some classes that made me seriously question whether or not I had made the right choice. However, I had to remind myself that I am not a teacher. When I walk into the classroom I am just a proxy for the teacher. My job essentially is just to convey to the students what the teacher has already planned for them to do and to make sure that they don't kill each other in the course of the day. So I have been subbing regularly for about a month. It's had it's ups and downs but there have been rewarding moment along the way. But now I am faced with another moment of decision. The end of the school year is coming and I have to find something else to do. I have a good two months before even the sub jobs will not be available. So I am left once again wondering what the next step is. It's really got me in a funk. The thing I desire most in the world is stability. I want to know that there is a place that I belong. I want to know that there is a job for me to do. I want to have my own home. I want to be more than the background of someone else's life. Lately I have been feeling like I am just an extra in life. Like a leftover part when you take something apart. It feels as if there is nothing important or substantial for me to do except to help other people accomplish what they need to do. It also doesn't help that I have been battling extreme loneliness for the last several months. I have felt that whenever I have tried to share my feelings about all these things that I am facing and going through in my life that the people I am entrusting these feelings to have dismissed, trivialized and ignored my revelations. So loneliness compounded with confusion and anxiety about what will happen next have left me feeling like I am on the edge. Last night I went to bed thinking, "I wish I could just disappear." I honestly wish it was possible. But I know that it is not. I just have to keep going believing that at some point it will get better. At some point there will be a yes instead of a no and that things will shift and change. I'll get my own life back and I won't have to continue on feeling like a robot. Sometimes I feel like my life is just a show or going through the motions. I put on a happy face and a smile and do what I am told or asked. I listen when other people have problems. I pretend that it doesn't hurt my feelings when someone hurts me or forgets me or brushes me aside. But you can only repress emotions for so long. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for several months and I am finally dizzy from it. My mother left on a trip for work this morning but the last 12 hours with her were nothing but orders of what to do while she was gone. It was not only what to do but how to do it. Things that I have done hundreds of times I was told how to do as if I was in elementary school. I feel like sometimes I am treated differently because I don't have a job. I feel like sometimes people talk around me or over my head or talk about me like I am not even a part of the conversation. A friend of mine was talking at the table a few weeks ago to another friend asking about what was going on with that person. They wanted to know how their job was going and what their successes and accomplishments had been. They were really excited for that person. That friend never asked me what I was doing. They never even posed the question. I mentioned that I had been substitute teaching and I received a blank stare before they went on to the next topic of conversation. That same person had done the same thing to me just two months earlier. Joyce Meyer was the first person I ever heard say that, "You who is not your do." I wish more people in my life knew this or at least acted like they did if they already know because they continually place emphasis on what they do and by doing so just magnify the fact that I don't have a do right now. I remember my mother telling me several years ago that who I am was not my resume. I had been rejected from more jobs than I can remember at this point in time and I was down about it. She was saying that just because my resume was being rejected that it didn't have anything to do with me personally but I begged to differ. It was very personal to me each time my resume was rejected and even now when its rejected it is tough to shake off. I feel like my resume is me on paper. And if they don't like me on paper they must not like me as a person. It is a very disheartening thing to continually be rejected. I have been applying for full time jobs for 4 years now and I have not gotten past a first round interview. It's so frustrating because I felt like I did everything right and worked had to get the right credentials to get in only to be stopped at the threshold of making it over into the workforce. I think at this point in this entry it goes without saying that it has been a very difficult year. I can't even believe that it has only been a year because it feels like much longer. But it will have been only a year this Thursday. I always am fascinated to look back one year ago and think about what I was doing. Generally when I am looking back at the previous year it is from a perspective and place, emotionally or physically, that I would not or could not have imagined during that previous year. The same holds true for this year. Looking back a year ago I was getting off a plane from EWR in Charlotte expecting the trip to only last a month or a month and a half at best before getting to go back to New Jersey which was at that point starting to feel like home to me. I cannot say the same for Charlotte. Although I grew up here I feel like a stranger. It has changed so much in the last ten to fifteen years that it really does not resemble the Charlotte I grew up in. Also because of my lack of independence and transportation I have not made any friends here and if I had there would be no way for me to see them on a regular basis. I feel extremely alienated here. I really have no desire to stay here unless God should instruct me or put it on my heart to do so and even then it would probably resemble Jonah being instructed to go to Nineveh, ("Aww, man do I really have to God?"). I really hope that on March 27, 2013 when I am looking back on March 27, 2012 that it is from a different place, physically and emotionally. I hope that by that time I have found my home city, a home of my own, a full time job, and a community. I really hope that this next year is a year of changes for the better. I want to win. I want to experience good things. I want to be happy. I feel emotionally and physically exhausted. I am frustrated and aggravated constantly and I realize that much of that may be the enemy trying to derail me from thinking that God has anything good for me or that He still remembers me hanging on the end of the branch scared to death I am getting ready to fall. But a lot of it is me. I easily get worked up and can think myself into a bad mood in just a few minutes. It's hard to ignore the bad things, think on the good things, and see good things coming in the future as well. It's hard to do but I know that that is the only way I will get out of this mess I am. And I have relinquished the situation to God because I am at the end of myself. I know that it will not change in and of my own strength. It's a job for Jesus. T.D. Jakes reminded the crowd at Code Orange Revival to know that when you are at rock bottom that you are just right for Jesus. So I know that I am just right for Jesus because I am at rock bottom. Yesterday I was waiting for a job to start at a school but I had to be dropped off early because my mom had meetings to go to and didn't have the time to take me at the time that I was supposed to be there. I had to stand at a shopping center until it was time to go to the job. I started getting misty eyed as I was standing there because 5 years ago I never would have imagined myself without a place to go in the morning or a job to do. I never would have imagined that I would be standing around at a shopping center at 8:30 am without a place to go. But I was encouraged by more words from T.D. Jakes. God is in the business of increasing you, not diminishing you. He wants to add to you, not take away from you. You have to believe and know that is is getting better because the enemy wants you to think that God has forgotten you and that you don't have anything to live for but you can't serve God and be on a decline. It's getting better. One of my favorite songs on the radio right now is "My Testimony" by Marvin Sapp. Last year his wife went to be with the Lord after a battle with cancer. He could have given up on God when his wife died but he chooses to see the good. The last line of the song says, "In spite of calamity, He still has a plan for me, it's working for my good." My life in the last few years has been one calamity after another but I believe just like Marvin sings that God has a plan for me and it's going to work out for my good. I am believing for a mountain top experience because I have been in this valley long enough.

Hair Update: Shea Moisture to the Rescue...AGAIN

I blogged not too long ago about how my hair had become so dry and I was having a hard time pinpointing a product that was natural but would also help preserve my twist outs, especially with the heat and humidity of summer coming. Well I looked online and thought there were some things that might be able to help me. One of the things that I wanted to try was Oyin Handmade Whipped Pudding. I liked that is was affordable ($11) and was described as being moisturizing but light. I went to Target first to see what I could find. There was Curly Buttercreme, of course, but I didn't want to have to shell out $32 and also have the petroleum, glycerin, mineral oil, lanolin, and other synthetic ingredients in my hair especially since they could clog my pores as it gets hotter and I perspire. So I looked at what they had at Target and to my surprise they had Hair Rules products from the Hair Rules Salon in NYC created by Anthony Dickey. I seriously thought about trying his moisture product but upon further examination of the ingredients they were the same as Curly Buttercreme but with a lighter smell than the buttercreme. I thought about the Kera Care Natural Textures Hair Milk but I felt like it was a little too thick for me and I wasn't wild about the smell. So I left that Target without any product for moisturizing. Later I went to another Target because I was at the point where I was going to get some Curly Buttercreme or order something off the Internet. I was walking through the hair product isle for multicultural girls and I noticed the Shea Moisture Products. I have almost the whole line for the Coconut Hibiscus products but I noticed the Curl and Style Milk. I had watched several reviews of this product and I had also read on blog sites that it was a go to moisturizer or leave in that a lot of curlies like. So I decided that for $10 I could afford to give it a try and if it didn't work I would go back to Curly Buttercreme for good. So that night I used the Curl and Style Milk to twist up my hair. I used about a quarter size amount on each twist, not too much. The next morning I untwisted my hair to find that on my week old frizzy twist out there was definition, shine, and softness. I used it the night after as well and I got the same results the next day. I only used it two days but I LOVE this product. I love the scent, which smells just like the Curl Enhancing Smoothie. I also love how light it is and that it provides hold and definition. Also the product is organic and natural which means when it is hot this summer I won't have to be worried about my scalp getting clogged with all the stuff in other not natural products. So I am really thrilled with the product. I also picked up some Miss Jessie's Quick Curls which I plan to try to see if it can be a wash and go styler for me on those weeks when I don't have two days for my hair to dry. I will definitely do a product review of it as well.

You Know School of Rock? It's Not Like That

This past week was my first full week of substitute teaching. Why they don't offer a Nobel Prize for Teaching, I will never know. But up until last Monday I had only been a sub three times, one time didn't really count because I watched a class and another teacher did all the work. So on Thursday of the previous week I was only subbing for my third time. A little girl coughed on me ironically as I was giving her hand sanitizer and by Saturday I was fully congested and had a soar throat. Sunday I added a cough to the list and that was how I started Monday. I didn't know if I could make it on Monday but I was motivated by the need for cash and the fact that it is a pretty steady way of keeping a job that has great hours and other rewards as well. I had previously been with second grade and Kindergarten which were a handful, I hoped that third grade would be a little better. I was wrong. I had third grade three days this week and my only comment on the experience is that I am glad we are all alive, me and the children. The last two days of the week I thought that I would find solace in fifth grade only to learn that it comes with its own issues as well. The thing I had to keep learning and telling myself was that I just had to go with the flow. The flow was a rushing, whitewater river not a delicate stream. But I blessed to have some teachers and support staff who came to my aid just when I thought I would be swallowed up whole by the difficulties of each day. Everyone should hug a teacher. They really are on the same level of public service with police and the fire department, we just don't know how much so. I also had the blessing of being at one school the whole week which makes and incredible difference because you become comfortable in the environment and you get to know the people and they get to know you and that can be a great help when you are in trouble or in need.

I also learned some things about myself as well. Although I am not a self-professed "kid person", I really like children and I enjoy being with them. Another thing I learned which was not a surprise to me was that I am not tough in the sense that I am not intimidating. I would yell to get these children to try and do what I wanted them to do but they looked me dead in my face and turned right back around and kept doing what they were doing. I have not developed the ability to scare a child which I kind of like about myself. I hope that I don't have to substitute teach long enough to develop that because it just makes for a hard day for everyone. Instead my go to plan is just getting rid of behaviour problem children and hoping that the rest will do what they need to do. It's a learning process and I just starting out so I have to keep reminding myself that this is not my forte. I am learning and I just hope to get better as each new job comes.