Vegan Again

So this past week has been a little rough. I developed a horrible head cold that I thought was allergy related until I couldn't breathe out of my nose and I had a tremendous amount of coughing and blocked ears. It started last Saturday and by Tuesday I couldn't even sit up without a headache. But I think the worst has passed and I am glad to say that I am on the way to recovery. But the cold made me think seriously about my health and how I need to take better care of my body. Over the past 6 months since I left DC (can it have been that long already!) I have gained a shocking amount of weight from inactivity and bad food choices. Over the course of the past week I thought back to a happier time in my life where I was managing my weight and I looked and felt great. Surprisingly that time was when I went vegan for about a month and a half in the summer of 2008. The pounds melted off and I slept and felt better that I had ever in my life and I had a ton of energy. So I was already in the frame of mind to get started on my new vegan path when I had to go to David's Bridal to try on my bridesmaid's dress for my cousin's wedding in June. Umm...needless to say I was shocked on the number on the tag. Omigosh! I knew formal wear was not forgiving but holy crap. So after the trauma of being in a fitting room that had almost shear fabric covering the tiny entrance way so that you were not shielded from the public or passersby in the changing room, I headed home thinking about the fact that going vegan was not a leisurely choice anymore it was necessity. So next week the journey Veganland begins. I'm more than ready for it because I have become so uncomfortable and I don't want to feel so sluggish and tired or have to squeeze myself into my clothes any more. So it's vegan, again.

On This Perfect Day...

Today is definitely a wonderful day! It's gorgeous outside and me not being an outside kind of person could not be more shocked that I feel that way. But I woke up this morning in a kind of fog. I was up resisting sleeping for a long time last night and then I went to sleep and didn't sleep fully which I don't know why I do that but I had a long day after going to the New York Historical Society and getting to handle documents over one hundred years old. After that I took a long walk down to Rockefeller Center where I saw Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. After the show I took the train to New Jersey and got home at almost 10. No wonder I was a little loopy this morning. But I got up and did some work and then watched a little tv. Afterwards I went outside and could not believe it was so nice out there. I drove with the windows down and my favorite music on. It was great! Everyone was driving with their windows down and I think people were in a better mood altogether. It was wonderful. I wished that I had somewhere I needed to be in order to keep driving or that I could get around Woodbridge without getting lost.But I was running out of gas and I wanted to get home to eat lunch which was a Chicken BLT salad from Wendy's and a baked potato, yum! I also got to watch the end of one of my favorite movies, Frequency. I absolutely love this movie and was so excited to see it on. After lunch I did some work and I then took a nap because my body would not move or read one more inch.

It was not the most interesting day but it felt good. I enjoyed today. I have been enjoying other days as well but I really just got to be today and I think it's important to do that everyday. Plus it helped that today felt like the most perfect spring day ever. Maybe I just haven't been paying attention or living in the wrong place during past springs but this was one of the best days ever!

Hallmark Day

Today was an important hallmark in my life. I traveled to the serene, tree-lined streets of Prospect Park Brooklyn to meet with my new employer for whom I am doing two months of contract work. Today was the beginning of a dream being realized. When I was 22 and graduating from college I had my mind set on moving to NYC and going to graduate school and living a fabulous little life in the city. However, these plans did not go as expected. I got rejected from the schools that I applied to and could not find a job doing anything, which was not helped by the fact that I lived 600 miles away in North Carolina at the time. Then I got a second chance. I was put on a wait list at one of my NYU schools and journeyed there in hopes of getting in this second time around. However, that didn't work out either. I stifled my hopes of NYC living for the time being and then worked in North Carolina and lived at home for a year. I attended graduate school the next two years after that. I moved to DC but still had hopes of getting to NYC one day but not sure how it was going to happen. I was working steadily in DC from June '07 to March '08 and didn't really think that I would pursue living in DC but was content to live close enough to take the bus or train to get there for vacation or work. Then I lost my main means of support in March and I began looking for jobs in DC and in NYC. The thoughts began to re-enter my mind of finally getting to NYC. I applied for job after job and kept getting rejected. Then on one fateful day I got a call from a New York museum that was interested in hiring me. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I passed the phone interview and was invited to New York to go through the next interview. I left that interview feeling good and hoping that finally I would be headed to New York and realizing this dream I had four years ago. Sadly, that opportunity didn't work out either and I didn't know what to make of all these things going on in my life. But I had come to the realization that I was much happier when I visited New York and that DC was just not doing it for me anymore. So I focused all my efforts to getting to New York, no matter what. I did not think that I was ever going to end up having to move to New Jersey out of necessity and was really overjoyed at the fact that I was close enough to New York to pursue my work dreams. I started applying and calling and for several weeks that turned into months I didn't see any improvement. Then I began calling and networking with people in New York and that led to a contract which is basically my first New York job! It was an exciting day and I am so excited to have a research project to work on and ready to see where this all leads. I'm really thankful that after years of hoping, praying and persevering the dream is becoming a reality and I know that there is more to come!

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."

Actively Seeking Change

Today began with a phone call that I was expecting to make but not expecting to go the way that it went. Fortunately I was inspired by this phone call to inact the word of the day from yesterday: change. So I set off to search for employment because that is the most pressing need that I have at this moment. I stopped at a retail store, a grocery store, and a mall. Between the three I think I came away with some good leads. I think I will eventually find my niche. There are a lot more hiring signs up than there used to be and I keep hearing that people are looking. So I feel like I am actively seeking the thing that I want the most at this moment. There are a ton of things that I would like to have happen right now but I know the world won't end if I don't. Also I have been hearing the same messages over the last two days which is that you have to get out and be active to see things happen. I have been searching for jobs from home for a while but I haven't been hitting the pavement and going to places to look for jobs which I think is a better way because people actually get to see you and speak with you. The people I spoke with today seemed really nice and pleasant and willing to consider me for the positions I was seeking. So I think that I made the right choice to get out and start putting some action behind my faith and beliefs. So change is not just the word of the day it's the word that I need to live by. I am actively seeking the change I want to have in my life and see in myself! Although I am asking the Lord to change me to the person that he wants me to be.

The Word of the Day is Change

Did you ever have a word of the day when you were in elementary school? You had to make up as many sentences as you could with the word and if it had more than one meaning then you had to be sure to use all the meanings as well. Today's word of the day for me is change. Last night I was looking at TV and a commercial came on for a Joyce Meyer program that was airing today. She was talking about several things that were appropriate for my life at this moment. The sound bite that I heard had to do with suffering the consequences of our actions and that sometimes God lets us go through suffering the consequences so we won't do the action again. This resonated with me all night, so much so that it took extra time to get to sleep. But the lesson that I was about to hear this morning was already taking root inside me. So this morning I woke up and waited for the program to come on. I really enjoy Joyce's no nonsense style of teaching and have read several of her books. So I settled on the couch as listened as she proceeded with this week's message on change. She said some things that I was not necessarily ready to hear because I wasn't ready to be honest with myself about them. She said that change is not about changing other people or even looking up to the heavens to cry for God to help us and change our lives. Change begins with when we decide to change. We have to make a decision to change the things that are in our power to change and trust the Lord to take care of the rest. He has already given us everything that we need but we are not always ready to receive it. So we get pitiful and try to have everyone give us a pat on the head or coddle us because we feel we deserve. Often times God is waiting on us when we think we are waiting on Him. So if we would just get up and do something or work in the capacities that we do have rather than focusing on the ones we don't then we might see the changes that we seek. We look everywhere else but within to seek change. We want everyone else to change and we don't try to search for the change that we need within. It's funny that we are often seeking things that we already have. Maybe we don't have what we want or the things that we have aren't exactly the way we want them but that doesn't mean that we can't move from where we are spiritually, physically, mentally, or emotionally and invoke changes that can help us to get to where we want to be. If you can't get out of the situation you're in then you can adopt a new attitude to make it work for you. If there are people that you have to be around that you don't like or don't like you you can look for a different situation and different people to be around. But whatever you do you don't have to be stuck or stay stuck where you are especially if where you are is making you unhappy. I was completely in agreement with this. Anyone who has read this blog before knows that there is more than one pitiful blog entry that laments the time it's taking for my life to get where I want it to be and all the pitfalls of having to deal with job hunting and relocating. But what I realized this morning is that if I didn't want change I would not have moved to New Jersey. If I didn't want change I would have given up on looking for a job after I lost my last opportunity at the Smithsonian. But if the past months have proven anything it's that I really do want to have a change in my situation and I am going to keep going until I reach the appointed time for what I want. But in the time that I am waiting for that to happen I can still have a good attitude, I can help out people when I can, I can volunteer in my community or at my church, and I can reach out to my friends and family. There are a lot of things that I can do even if they seem simple, they might mean something to someone else. If that wasn't enough after I finished reading my Bible for study this morning I read a chapter from Stan Toler's book and the chapter was about change. Stan hit on some of the points that Joyce hit on but he was talking more about being motivated to change and things that motivate us to change. We can be motivated positively or negatively, which lead to different kinds of changes in out lives. If we want to make a change to follow God and to receive His blessings it will require us to put Him first in our lives and to remember that even to change we need his help. Stan spoke of Jacob and how his name meant heel grabber or deceiver. He had left his home and his family because he deceived his brother out of his birthright. When Jacob was returning he wrestled with God in the night and wouldn't let go until God blessed him. God changed his name to Israel, which means He who struggles with God or Prince of God. He was changed by his new name, his new covenant with God, and by the limp that he was left with when God touched his hip. Everyday of his life Jacob was reminded of his wrestling with God by the physical effect it had on him but he was also committed to serving God and reminded of that as well. God helps us become who we need to be through change. Change is scary and unsettling especially when it happens in a short period of time but embracing it can work out for our good and bring us to a place we might have not reached if we had remained settled or too afraid to move.

So I don't think that the change lessons that I learned today were a coincidence. There has been a lot of change going on in my life and I haven't really had a prescription for how to deal with it all. And I have gone through all this emotional roller coaster feelings and stages and I have extreme highs and extreme lows. It's added much stress to my life, robbed me of sleep and has tried to stamp out my confidence. But I keep rising above and the key is to stay above. You have to determine that no matter what the circumstances are that you will not focus on the situations and how you feel but know that you will make it through because God says you will if you trust and believe in Him. It can look like nothing is happening and that all the resources have disappeared, all the friends are gone, and there is nothing to do but sit and mourn the things you've lost and the things you wish you had. Or you can believe that things are happening that you can't see and at the exact moment that you need for things to work in your favor they will because you trusted the Lord and you walked in faith and stayed the course even when the times get rough. I want to be the person that made it and I want to be the person who overcame not the one who got beaten down and couldn't make it.

"Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself"
- Leo Tolstoy

"Be the change you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi

Yoga Warrior

Today I got back on the yoga saddle and I thought that I was going to be all stiff and sore after the workout. But to my suprise and delight I proved to be limber and went almost the whole workout without dropping one bead of perspiration! I usually am panting along begging Denise Austin to have mercy on my out of shape body but today I kept up with her and didn't have the usually problems of feeling like I was going to burst. I was skeptical that if I only did the 20 minute yoga body burn 5 days a week that it might not work but I have been proven wrong. I have noticed a big difference and I haven't changed my diet drastically but the simple moves that I do from yoga have helped me regain some strength and ability that I lost from not being as active as I have in the past. This makes me really excited! I can't wait to work up to doing more. I know I have to be careful and not rush it but I can't wait until I do get to the point where I can move up to a higher level of yoga.

Sleeping Soundly

I know this is a very mundane topic of choice but sleep has not been easy the last several months. This is not just because I don't have an actual bed but a sectional sofa that I am temporarily using as a bed but also due to bouts with insomnia. There are nights when I lay down exhausted from whatever I tried to do with the day and I just lay there for hours and eventually fall asleep but only for a few hours. Then I am up the next day tired again. But it occured to me that at one time in my life I had the best sleep ever. That was when I used to go to bed every night at 10:00pm, if only I was that way now. This time of sleeping soundly was when I was a freshman in college. I had a roommate that was a night owl and I had classes early so I started taking Melatonin, a natural sleep aid and I got a sleep mask to block out the light from her lamp. So this past week I got a new sleep mask and also some high grade ear plugs. So on Monday I went to Wal-Mart and picked up these things to add to the Melatonin I already had. That night I wondered if this would work or not. I took the Melatonin 30 min before I went to sleep. Then I put in the ear plugs and put on the sleep mask. I settled on the sofa and wondered if it would really work. I have no recollection what happend in the course of the next 5 to 10 minutes. All I know is that the man that lives up stairs and sounds like he will fall through the ceiling everyday did not wake me up and neither did my dad when he got ready and left for work. When I woke up I was super energized and relaxed. And that's how I felt again today when I used my new secret weapons of sleep. How could I not have been doing this for a longer period of time? I wish I had thought about it when I used to fall asleep at 6 am just from being overtired from having insomnia. But now thankfully I know that I can have a good night's rest and not worry. I honestly think that part of the problem was that I was going to sleep too aware. There was light coming in through the windows and I could hear every noise in the apartment: the refridgerator coming on and off, creaks and squeaks of the floor, and any wind or rain going on outside hitting against the windows. So now I can sleep through the night and be fully prepared for whatever is going on the next day!